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The PESH in a manger

(1001 Posts)
LadyGoneGaga Thu 02-Dec-10 13:12:00

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes. grin

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

Scorpette Thu 02-Dec-10 13:21:25

Blimmin' genius! That should become a festive classic grin

Leading on from the last fred, I wanted to ask Poleposition why she puts milk and onions in her hot beverages wink and also tell Rocket that I'd do Future Simon and Weirdy Simon. Wrong-hot works for me!

Blorp! I have just made and eaten a thai curry & rice so huge that would have posed a challenge for the world's fattest man <proud> I could go outside and roll around in the snow and then send in my self-portrait as a snowman to the BBC. Although, as I have joked on FB, when they asked for people to send in their pictures of snow, I sent them THIS ...

PollyPoo Thu 02-Dec-10 13:25:59

Thanks for new fred GG! Can we decorate the place with your piss stick christmas trees? wink

LadyGoneGaga Thu 02-Dec-10 13:29:00

Mmmm, Thai curry. I am soooo sleepy today. Just gonna snuggle down in this cosy corner here. Wake me up in 5 minutes. Zzzzz.

LadyGoneGaga Thu 02-Dec-10 13:30:02

Yes, yes you can, Pol. We could also make some festive decorations out of piss pots and maybe some snow angels out of maternity pads?

Scorpette Thu 02-Dec-10 13:32:31

Awwww, you have a lovely nap <waits until she's asleep; shaves off Gaga's eyebrows, draws on Hitler moustache in permanent marker>

PollyPoo Thu 02-Dec-10 13:36:27

We could use some of my maternity bras to hang up instead of stockings... we'd get loads of goodies in them.

rocketleaf Thu 02-Dec-10 13:43:18

Lovely new thread and the erm, contemporary decorations. grin <strokes gagas sleepy head, then places hand in bowl of warm water>

Your day sounds lovely, polly very festive! I was tempted to go to the park to scrump for holly before all the birds eat the berries but then I thought brrrrrh, best off in the warm. <lazy cah>

score and simon sandwich? Surely that would cause some sort of rift in the space time continuum?

Scorpette Thu 02-Dec-10 13:50:59

The universe coped with me and Poll meeting, it'll just have to HTFU for me and Teh Simonz wink

Medee Thu 02-Dec-10 13:55:53

aha, new thread!

Muser Thu 02-Dec-10 14:03:32

Spray some gym balls white and we've got ourselves some snowmen.

Hello new fred!

laurielou Thu 02-Dec-10 14:17:34

LadyG you are a genius!

I'm feeling a bit angry & sad. I've always been ahem, a larger lady & weight & eating are taboo subjects. Tis one of my worries about this diff mallarkey.

I know I've been eating enough for 10 2 & I haven't been overly comfortable with it, but hey, that's the way its been.

So today I was eating a sandwich at midday when one of the managers said loudly "Eating again!" So I pointed out it was lunchtime, & it was a weightwatchers bread sandwich. He then said he saw me eating a sandwich earlier (I cut them into 4 so I can eat little & often to keep nausea at bay).

He's a twat, right? Don't know why I've taken it to heart today.

So, I'll gladly accept a slap around the chops with a wet fish as I need to HTFU, but if the lovely PESH's could cast a spell, I'd be grateful. Maybe following on from previous thread it could be a hair loss spell (he's a big Hoffmiester Bear character with bushy facial hair).

laurielou Thu 02-Dec-10 14:18:33

Ah crap, I may be grumpy but I'm still excited about Christmas & I forgot my fecking hats again angry, sad

PerfectDromedary Thu 02-Dec-10 14:19:36

Hello new fred.

Oh fuuuuuuuuuuck it's the 2nd December and I haven't bought any presents. LadyG any chance of making a small cottage industry out of festive piss-sticks?

PerfectDromedary Thu 02-Dec-10 14:22:36

Laurie

A. He is a twat
B. Try not to get wound up about weight with this pregnancy lark. It's really tough for the first trimester, but once you're out and proud, pregnant bellies are immensely wonderful and a totally different shape to just feeling fat.
C. He is a twat. What if you were made of bulimia or some such and his stupid comments sent you rushing to the toilet? Why do such idiots get made into management people?

PerfectDromedary Thu 02-Dec-10 14:22:57

D. Weightwatchers bread is EVIL.

Scorpette Thu 02-Dec-10 14:29:29

Loz:

a) He am a colossal twat.
b) You're gorgeous.
c) That deserved the classic 'I can lose weight - what are you going to do about your face/personality' retort.
d) Drom is right - once you've got a bump, you feel better about yourself and everyone expects differds to look plumptious and lovely, so huzzah!
e) Have I mentioned that he is a twat yet?

angry on your behalf. Can you not muster up a little morning sickness and 'accidentally' vom all over his shoes? grin

I too have done zero Xmas gift shopping. I usually have it mostly done by now. Haven't even got cards nor nuffink, even though I has a 25% off Paperchase voucher burning a hole in my purse (from the Dec. issue of Red mag; the one with Nigella on the cover, if anyone else wants one).

Muser Thu 02-Dec-10 14:29:46

He is a twat. As is anyone who says anything about you're eating and the person who told me I'd get gestational diabetes if I ate cake hmm

Ignore him. Ignore weight. Eat what you need to.

A little good news for us all, maternity care is improving. I probably shouldn't have looked at my hospital's specific report. But it was done pre-lovely birthing centre so I shall distrust it. Lalala.

rocketleaf Thu 02-Dec-10 14:30:27

I agree with everything drom said, he is a TWAT and weightwatchers bread is evil (cotton wool bread)

You could always counter with the classic, 'well i can always lose weight but you are stuck with that face'

I have TBs pressie sorted but only because i hounded him into telling me what he wanted during the lowest point of MS, saying there is no way I could be creative this year And I have just bought some devil sticks for my niece, just need to think of something for my other niece now. Everyone else can have jam and damson gin and be grateful for it.

Muser Thu 02-Dec-10 14:31:08

I have done no Christmas shopping. But all my family keep saying "we're skint, can we skip this year and just spend time together" so that's quite handy. It's the baybee boom.

rocketleaf Thu 02-Dec-10 14:32:07

SCARY x-post with score there.

Scorpette Thu 02-Dec-10 14:36:37

HI-FIVE, ROCKY!

AlpinePony Thu 02-Dec-10 14:37:24

laurie Not being a virgin to the big world of dieting, I put on quite a lot during my pregnancy - not sure how much because I planned to get on the scales when I went in to labour but plans changed. However, when I got home from hospital carrying a baby I was still at least a stone heavier than I thought I was. Even when I put the baby down. wink 5 months on I'm back to pre-pregnancy over weight. Your manger is clearly a tit though and I think you should email him to say that it is highly inappropriate for him to be passing comment on your size/appearence/eating habits. He should get the fucking hit. Btw - please to explain "H" in TFU?

Scorpette Thu 02-Dec-10 14:39:32

Harden.

laurielou Thu 02-Dec-10 14:46:55

Ah, thanks all, I knew I could rely on you grin

Alpine whilst you were busy baybee laying we coined a new phrase - HTFU - Harden The Fuck Up. Apols - can't remember who came up with it, but I like it none the less.

I remember working with someone who got married & was diffed within 2 months. She was at the height or MS at Christmas & didn't even get to buy a card for her husband, their first Christmas together as husband & wife. I thought this was DREADFUL & couldn't believe how she couldn't even pull it together long enough to buy him a card blush. I'm going straight to hell, aren't I? Her daughter is now about 10 - is it too late to confess & apologise?

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