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Would my baby be considered Mixed?

(132 Posts)
CardboardAnnie Mon 11-Mar-19 22:32:54

I am mixed race, my husband is 100% white. Our baby would therefore be 75% white.

I think if I'm mixed, my child would obviously be mixed too. My husband disagrees. He thinks that our baby should just be classed as white (on forms etc).

Our baby most likely won't look particularly non white, some people don't always realise that I am mixed. But I am, and somehow it feels wrong to just write that part of me off?

It got a bit heated when we were discussing it again earlier, and I thought some outside opinions would help!

BlackCatSleeping Wed 13-Mar-19 02:32:43

I have a friend who’s white but her husband is Chinese. She says so many people assume her daughter was adopted from China. It’s definitely a source of frustration for her.

Ihavealwaysknown Wed 13-Mar-19 00:21:03

I always tick the white other box for myself. I have Polish, Irish and Dutch grandparents so it seems right to do so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Although when it comes to DD we tick white british 🤷🏻‍♀️ All of her grandparents are british. I guess that’s where we have drawn the line, if she decides to identify differently when she is older then that is her judgement to make. Her name incorporates all of her heritage though so I guess that’s the way we have factored it in!

brookshelley Wed 13-Mar-19 00:12:04

pacifico I find your post so sad. To purposely not give your DCs any indication of their heritage and to be happy they look white.

I have a Chinese friend with a white DH who expressed disappointment to me that her first DC looks completely Chinese. My DCs both look mixed and I’m happy they resemble both sides.

aintnothinbutagstring Wed 13-Mar-19 00:10:52

I'd think it a bit sad if a child who has Chinese heritage grew up thinking they were 100% Caucasian, I think it's important for people to know their background, ancestry, it's their identity. China has such a rich and amazing history and culture, why would a father deny his child being part of that.

NameChange992 Tue 12-Mar-19 23:55:11

It is arbitrary where you cut it off, we all have some kind of mix in us somewhere.
I kind of think depending on the appearance of your child you might want to answer differently in different circumstances e.g. medical forms you’d probably want to ensure any genetic risks are recognised and go with mixed. A form which is interested in different cultural influences similarly i’d probably go mixed. But if most people perceive them as white, then on e.g. employment equal opportunity monitoring forms i’d probably tick white otherwise it’s doing a disservice to those who are visibly of a minority group and experience discrimination as such, when a company can claim to be diverse without ever recruiting/ promoting anyone who doesn’t look white, or vice versa.

MistressDeeCee Tue 12-Mar-19 23:47:03

I wonder what your husband will do if your child comes out with Chinese features, OP? It's entirely possible. Having white skin doesn't mean your child will have say white European features.

Given that he wants to whitewash away your heritage as if it's of no consequence, which to me sounds so disrespectful - how do you think he will cope?

If you're having more children it could be the case that one looks mixed, and the other doesn't...

Some really interesting posts on here. DP's great-grandmother on his father's side was white Portuguese, married a Caribbean man, so his grandfather is mixed race. Grandfather married a Caribbean woman and had DPs mum, who doesn't look mixed at all. DPs mum married a Caribbean man.

So DPs parents are black Caribbean yet he is very lightskinned and often assumed to be mixed race. His siblings are darker skinned and do not look mixed. His sister's husband is white English so their children are mixed race, yet their children are darker than DP even though they do look mixed race.

So you never can tell. Percentages aren't reliable. Genetics are a strange thing and your husband just may get a shock, OP...

mumwon Tue 12-Mar-19 23:17:23

ps I did get the tb shots for them - it was at school I drew the line

mumwon Tue 12-Mar-19 23:16:05

I never filled in forms denoting what racial group my dc were because I don't think its up to me (or my dh) to decide that - its for them. But I don't think of them as anything but themselves - if that makes sense - but I do believe children should understand their background & have contact with their extended family & be proud to the child of both parents

Februaryblooms Tue 12-Mar-19 23:07:43

I'm %100 white, DP is half white British and half thai. We consider our DC to be mixed ethnicity and that's what we tick on forms.

howrudeforme Tue 12-Mar-19 22:41:27

We’re mixed. I’m white presenting in the sense I don’t look like mum’s ethnicity but most people think I’m med / Middle Eastern. Ds father Southern European.

Ds is med skin but is often mistaken as se Asian (he’s not).

When a baby the midwife saw my mum so offered us the TB vaccine which we obviously took up.

So I’d say regardless what your kids look like, put down their full ethnicities at least for medical purposes.

Ds now older self identifies as white - to him - he bases that on his skin colour and Southern Europeans are white. But he’s also very close culturally to all his backgrounds.

BlackPrism Tue 12-Mar-19 22:36:40

I would say even your children's children are mixed and their children... past that of all others had been white I would say white.

My friend has a black grandparent and looks white unless you know she's not, then you notice the hair texture and facial features... she is mixed and proud of it.

BlackPrism Tue 12-Mar-19 22:32:03

I mean he is mixed but it doesn't really the end of the day all classifying him as white would do is stop him being able to apply for BAME only applications. If he looks white he'll be treated as such

OffToBedhampton Tue 12-Mar-19 22:28:54

@ ThomasRichard
I knew what you meant.
I totally get it as I face same for 2 of my 3 DC, despite the fact they ARE mixed race and my most white looking DS only got racist abuse when a school child in his year saw him with his obviously black Dad. He doesn't usually get racism outwardly.

And it shocked him but he could be more confident than his more black sister, who gets more racism.

It's not about what you look like though. And I disagree with some of PPs. Since sickle cell is a real issue & other genetic issues are a very live real issue in our family.

pacifico Tue 12-Mar-19 22:25:51

I'm Chinese and DH is white, so our dc are half Chinese. But they don't look it - people are often surprised when I've collected them as they expect them to have white parents (I've been mistaken for the nanny more than once...hmm). Personally I've tended to tick 'White British' in forms on their behalf. Obviously they can make their own choice when they're older. I grew up in the UK, and don't have any Chinese friends or speak the language, so I don't feel particularly connected to the culture, and I have quite a 'British' outlook on life. But I've experienced a lot of racism and discrimination (often subtle) and I am definitely relieved that the dc can avoid that to an extent. I've made a conscious decision not to give them my surname as a middle name, so from their name and appearance they can blend in with any group of ordinary white people, in a way that I've never been able to.

kaytee87 Tue 12-Mar-19 22:14:16

@eyesbiggerthanstomach my DS is one quarter (grin) Iranian. I just put 'other' too.

eyesbiggerthanstomach Tue 12-Mar-19 22:12:49

I hate those forms. I'm of Middle Eastern heritage (both parents) and there were rarely any relevant boxes so I would just go for 'other'.

Now my son who is half white/English is going to be god knows what on the forms. He looks whiter than his white English dad does but I feel should put something to recognise his Middle Eastern heritage. Chances are he too will be an 'other'.

kaytee87 Tue 12-Mar-19 22:11:32

Your DH sounds like a bit of a Dick tbh. I'd want to know why he doesn't see your Chinese heritage as important or as part of his DC.

IamPickleRick Tue 12-Mar-19 22:06:48

contrary13 I love what you’ve written there. I am white with almost black hair, all of my mixed (Turkish) children, even the dark skinned olive one, have much lighter hair and eyes than both me and DH. One is blonde, two have blue eyes.

Both mine and DH are brown eyed, DH’s are almost black they are so dark. Neither of his parents have blue eyes. Genes are so interesting!

diavlo Tue 12-Mar-19 18:01:06

Of course your baby is mixed heritage. Genetic fact, nothing to do with looks.

Strokethefurrywall Tue 12-Mar-19 15:11:56

I'm half South African (dark skinned), half mixed-Indian and I look "white" but class myself as mixed race.

I've got genetic traits of each (3b curly hair, olive skin, vaguely exotic looking) but if you didn't know my background or see anyone else in my family you'd assume I was Italian or Greek. I sometimes get Brazilian too.
My husband is Scottish and I describe our children as mixed heritage because they are.

I like my heritage, I love being the product of a number of different races (African, Indian, SE Asian) so I'll always put mixed.

ThomasRichard Tue 12-Mar-19 14:42:33

@Stuckforthefourthtime apologies for any offence. Perhaps my wording wasn’t clear: they are ‘lucky’ insofar that a genetic fluke means that they don’t experience direct racism in the same way that their cousins do. The world they live in perceives them and their cousins differently because of their appearance and yes I do consider them lucky not to face that kind of discrimination. Not lucky to be white-looking per se.

Stuckforthefourthtime Tue 12-Mar-19 14:23:59

@ThomasRichard I know you don't truly mean that they "genetically lucked out", but it's worth thinking about your language and how it reflects your underlying feelings. I am proud of showing my heritage in my face, associated hardships or no - and if my husband said (or even thought quietly) that my less ethnic-looking children had 'lucked out' I'd be really upset on behalf of all my DCs.

LuvSmallDogs Tue 12-Mar-19 12:38:56

It is funny, a family friend looks white, describes himself as white but is technically mixed race. His gran looks very white, but her brother looks more black.

I don’t know why it matters to your husband so much not to call your baby mixed race, it’ll be the same baby with the same parents won’t it? When the child is old enough to describe themself then they can decide whether they believe themself to be white or mixed race.

ThomasRichard Tue 12-Mar-19 11:56:36

My DC’s father is mixed white/black Caribbean. Both DC look white. I put them down as mixed like their father. I do feel a bit conflicted over it though. It almost feels like cheating because in this world, they genetically lucked out and don’t face the same sort of negative stereotyping and discrimination that their cousins do. Incidentally, their cousins have mixed-race mothers and white fathers and still very much look mixed-race.

brookshelley Tue 12-Mar-19 11:38:50

Tyson Beckford is 1/4 Chinese and he has clear Chinese features. Your DH needs to be open minded because he could end up with a Chinese looking child.

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