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DP has posted a picture of me

(84 Posts)
PinkTicker Mon 25-Feb-19 23:16:58

on the group chat for our shared hobby.

He took it without me knowing, I'm recovering from a sickness bug and am in pyjamas and sitting in a very unflattering position which shows all my worst features. I look disgusting.

We were all mucking about with filters but I didn't know he was taking a picture of me or I'd have asked him not to post it or at the very least sat up/ covered up a bit. It's not my imagination - I really do look awful.

This is after I told him earlier how self conscious I was feeling about my appearance and that I hated myself.

I have left the group because I'm so bloody embarrassed and he says I'm overreacting and being petty.

AIBU to be upset?

As an aside if anyone knows how to get rid of the picture from the chat I'd be grateful, I could only see how to delete it from my copy of the thread.

Pumpkintopf Mon 25-Feb-19 23:18:09

What app was he using? As he posted the picture he should be able to delete it.

That was unkind of him, he should have checked with you before posting.

minesthecutest Mon 25-Feb-19 23:19:03

That's not ok at all, I am very self conscious of myself and hate my photos so if my dp had done that to me id be devastated and so upset.
I think if it's WhatsApp the sender can delete the pic but not after a certain amount of minutes have passed

SemperIdem Mon 25-Feb-19 23:20:33

In what context did he post it?

Making fun of you? Telling people in the group how ill you are?

I do find a lot of men are literally blind to whether a photo is flattering or not.

My dad is like this. Massive fan of “natural” shots. I am reminded of my ability to look like Quasimodo every time he manages to get a photo of me. He thinks they’re lovely. My ex was much the same. hmm

pictish Mon 25-Feb-19 23:22:14

Why did he post it?

Yanbu btw...I would hate this.

Cranky17 Mon 25-Feb-19 23:23:31

If it’s whats app he can delete it although I think it will only delete if they are running the same version.

GrapesAndCheese Mon 25-Feb-19 23:25:02

We need a bit more context here OP. What do you mean you were messing about with filters?

I wouldn't like this either though and neither would DP. But I've seen similar posts on SM of someone's DP/whatever asleep on the sofa or looking in some way bedraggled, so obviously in some relationships it's seen as mutually okay to do it.

PinkTicker Mon 25-Feb-19 23:29:08

He posted it because lots of others were doing so with silly filters on, but his was the only one featuring an actual person along with the filter. The rest were mainly location shots with filters applied.

The filter and the caption would have been funny, had the photo not been so blatantly awful. Its not just a case of slightly unflattering and he didnt realise, it is really really bad.

Aside from that, I think he should have acknowledged that he made a mistake and apologised for upsetting me, but now he's trying to blame me for being petty about it and I really dont think I am.

Its a facebook messenger chat and there doesnt appear to be a way of removing the photo which everyone will have seen now anyway.

SemperIdem Mon 25-Feb-19 23:34:08

To be clear - yanbu and he should at least apologise for doing something thoughtless which has upset you.

Try and take heart from the fact these are people you know who know what you usually look like. They’ll give the photo less thought than you will. I totally get why you’re upset and I would be too.

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 25-Feb-19 23:36:13

He needs to delete it, at your request. Otherwise he’s being a childish twat. You’re his partner, you feel exposed and embarrassed - that should matter to him. He owes you an apology.

LizB62A Mon 25-Feb-19 23:37:04

He can delete it but the stupid WhatsApp delete function only deletes from everyone in the thread if you do it within an hour of posting it

LizB62A Mon 25-Feb-19 23:37:43

Ah, just seen that it's FB messenger, not WhatsApp - sorry!

Bezalelle Mon 25-Feb-19 23:39:24


Catinthetwat Mon 25-Feb-19 23:41:11

Yanbu. Not apologizing is awful. You're not being petty at all and to say that to avoid apologizing is terrible. flowers

Kneehigim Mon 25-Feb-19 23:42:57

I look like Ozzie Osborne in most photos, so I would go absolutely batshit. I'm not surprised you left the group.
He's an idiot. And I don't believe he's blind to aesthetics either.

onlyjustmillenial Mon 25-Feb-19 23:42:57

YANBU, this would make me feel so sad.
But to echo what someone else has said, my DP thinks all photos of me are great no matter how awful I look in reality 🙄 he just doesn't see it. But he should have apologized when he saw how upset you are and it was mean to do it without your knowledge

pictish Mon 25-Feb-19 23:46:48

Social media is evil for this. People being able to post pictures of you all over the fucking that you definitely don’t want doing the rounds for whatever reason. You get no say.

pictish Mon 25-Feb-19 23:49:21

I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm...but rather than argue he’d do better to accept he made a gaff and apologise.

Fiveletters Mon 25-Feb-19 23:51:17

I’d be livid.
I’ve just tried but I can’t see how to delete a pic in Facebook messenger sad

Kneehigim Mon 25-Feb-19 23:57:35

The person who posted it can edit/delete, but I'm pretty sure everyone will still be able to see it. Sorry OP. I know how I'd be feeling if it was me.

Iflyaway Tue 26-Feb-19 00:08:49

but now he's trying to blame me for being petty about it hmm

In other words, put up or shut up?

Fuck that!

PinkTicker Tue 26-Feb-19 00:11:21

He's asleep and I've just been on his phone to try and get rid of it from his end but there doesn't seem to be a way of doing it.

I feel like a complete twat. I'm self conscious about my looks and my weight and he knows that. If it had been a normal picture of me then I would still have felt self conscious but wouldn't be so upset. This is a triple chinned giant rolls of flab showing nightmare.

And no, my name isn't Gemma, Bezalelle.

DoJo Tue 26-Feb-19 00:12:14

You can remove a picture in FB messenger, either in the app, by highlighting the image and selecting remove when the option pops up, or on FB itself by clicking the dots next to the image and selecting 'remove'.

You can remove a twat like this from your life by telling them to have a bit of fucking respect, not use you as the butt of their pathetic jokes and acknowledge when they've acted poorly instead of pretending it's somehow your problem. He sounds like a prize bellend - I'd be furious in your shoes, but if it's any consolation I'd think he was a prick if I was one of the others in the chat as well - it reflects far more on him than it does on you.

PinkTicker Tue 26-Feb-19 00:23:18

Thanks DoJo as far as I can tell, doing that only removes the photo from my copy of the conversation (or his, if I was to do it on his phone) but it would still be there on everyone else's copy of the conversation.

It's done now anyway, all the active members will have seen it.

I'm so fucked off. I don't lack a sense of humour and if he'd warned me and let me at least shift to a more flattering angle I'd probably have laughed along with it. And he's not one of those who has rose tinted glasses and would have thought I looked great or even ok which is what makes it even worse.

There are things he is self conscious of and Inwould never intentionally make him feel bad about them publically like this, and if I did so accidentally I would acknowledge his feelings and be genuinely sorry, not turn it around on him for being "pathetic".

NunoGoncalves Tue 26-Feb-19 00:36:43

I do find a lot of men are literally blind to whether a photo is flattering or not

It's because men are not taught to the same extent to be so self-conscious and that physical appearance is the most important thing in life.

BTW OP on whatsapp when you delete a message you can choose whether you want to delete it just on your device or for everyone in the group. Just for future reference since you said everyone's seen it now anyway.

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