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DH bought someone an eternity ring when I was out of town. AIBU to freak out?

(131 Posts)
Topaz25 Sat 16-Aug-14 22:25:50

I have been out of town for two weeks helping to care for my dying grandmother. She sadly passed away on Monday and I returned home a few days ago. Since then things have been up and down with my husband and we have argued. He seems distant since I got back, which was a bit of a red flag. OTOH I am obviously tense and over sensitive at the moment.

Tonight I found (in the open, I wasn't snooping) a receipt showing that he purchased a silver eternity ring while I was out of town. The ring is not my size and I do not have a birthday or other special occasion coming up. I suppose it is possible that he bought the ring to cheer me up (and forgot my size) and then hasn't given it to me because we argued. Something else that worries me is this ring was purchased from a shop that has several branches in our home town but it was not purchased here, it was purchased from a branch in a nearby town. I don't even know why he would be there. Another issue is that it was purchased on a Monday. Monday is normally my husband's day off but recently he told me was doing overtime on Mondays. AIBU to be concerned? AIBU to confront him? I don't want to come across as paranoid and start another argument. WWYD?

Vitalstatistix Sat 16-Aug-14 22:28:25

I think that you need to ask him otherwise it will eat you up.
Ask to see the ring.

HygieneFreak Sat 16-Aug-14 22:31:39

Oh god this doesnt sound good

AlpacaMyBags Sat 16-Aug-14 22:32:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Sat 16-Aug-14 22:34:16

Perhaps it was the only size in stock and right now it's being made to your size?

I agree that you should show him the receipt and ask him about it, before it eats you up.

AgentZigzag Sat 16-Aug-14 22:34:31

Sorry about your GM flowers

Half of me says you should risk an argument and ask him now, and the other half thinks you should wait a week or so to see if it materialises, if it doesn't then you can ask him. But can you wait that long?

Could he have got it as a bargain and saving it for a birthday etc?

If you sort the finances could you ask him what the payment was for?

Would your ring size be something he would remember? (ooer grin)

General advice would be to not worry until you have concrete proof of something to worry about, which you kind of haven't got.

What about asking him why he seems distant in a concerned way and see where it takes you?

Blithereens Sat 16-Aug-14 22:35:17

Doesn't sound good I am very sorry to say sad you've got to ask him, you know that. Do it calmly if you can, and outline your concerns like you have here.

LadyLuck10 Sat 16-Aug-14 22:35:22

I think you should wait a bit and see if he brings it up. In the mean time just keep a careful eye on his moods, actions and words. Hopefully it is for you and he will give it to you.

CarryOn90 Sat 16-Aug-14 22:35:26

YANBU to confront him, especially as the receipt was just lying around and you weren't snooping

I wouldn't be able to stay quiet I would just ask if I were you

Sorry for your loss OP thanks

NamesNick Sat 16-Aug-14 22:37:18

it is possible that he has bought it to cheer you up and is in fact having it sized up/down to fit you...would explain the delay.

you need to ask him outright

appealtakingovermylife Sat 16-Aug-14 22:37:22

Surely if this was a secret then your husband would not have left the receipt somewhere you could see it?.
If you don't bring this up it will just eat away at you.
Sorry for the loss of your grandmother, I know how devastating that issad

ThatSmellsLikePoo Sat 16-Aug-14 22:38:02

Make a copy of it then hand it to him with an apologetic smile and say "oops -I seem to have spoilt my surprise! How lovely of you to get me something to cheer me up!"

Stand well back and wait!

DorothyBastard Sat 16-Aug-14 22:39:15

How did he pay? Could you ask him indirectly, "I was having a look at the joint account online, do you know what this payment of £X to X Jewellers is darling?"

MissBattleaxe Sat 16-Aug-14 22:39:27

Very sorry for your loss.

Ask him outright and ask him now. No warning, on the spot. It may be innocent or he may be caught off guard. Don't dilly dally, just say "I came across this receipt and can't figure it out"

ememem84 Sat 16-Aug-14 22:40:15

Yeah...I'd be asking the question. But tactfully. You'll only ever wonder if you don't.

At least if you ask you'll have an answer. Although it may not be the answer you want. I hope though that it is simply that he bought it for you is waiting for an opportune moment to give it to you.

AgentZigzag Sat 16-Aug-14 22:41:15

What ThatSmells says is a good way of going about it if you decide you can't wait, he did leave it laying around for you to see so it's hardly your fault.

parakeet Sat 16-Aug-14 22:42:14

How odd that it said the ring size on the receipt.

TheHouseatWhoCorner Sat 16-Aug-14 22:42:22

I'd ask him about it. Any other action would either be game-playing or will drive you mad.

chickydoo Sat 16-Aug-14 22:43:29

Just ask, it will eat you up otherwise
So sorry for your loss thanks

NamesNick Sat 16-Aug-14 22:44:07

I don't want to be too suspicious here but if you ask him and he says its a gift for you. I would be inclined to want to see NOW.

If he is up to no good and doesnt want catching out he had time to purchase another ring for you OP.

sorry for being cynical x

AgentZigzag Sat 16-Aug-14 22:44:53

They put everything else on receipts, why not a ring size parakeet?

theeternalstudent Sat 16-Aug-14 22:45:13

I don't even know my ring size. Would your DH really know yours? I don't think it would be that unusual for him to buy a ring and then have it re-sized.

As for it being bought in a shop from a location that is out of town, well he could have been there for any number of reasons. The fact that the receipt was left lying around indicates he wasn't trying to conceal it.

Could it be that he was trying to surprize you after having had such a horrible few weeks?

Sorry for your loss flowers

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sat 16-Aug-14 22:45:37

That's what I thought parakeet but it's possible- I don't buy eternity rings often enough to know whether it's the case grin

ohfourfoxache Sat 16-Aug-14 22:45:46

I'm so sorry for you loss sad

Keep and hide the receipt. Just in case you need it in the future

jaynebxl Sat 16-Aug-14 22:45:49

Hope you're asking him now.

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