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To be annoyed by my friend's attitude?

(160 Posts)
LifesABeachApparently Mon 28-Jul-14 21:28:09

Apologies in advance for the hundredth wedding post!

So, we're going to a wedding soon. In total there are 7 of us, 5 are friends to the bride and groom and two of us are plus ones as partners to the invited. We're giving money as a gift (yes yes, I know, but this isn't a post about money vs gift). Anyway, we were working out how much money to give and we all decided £15 per person would be good but that the couples would each pay a little more (£20). So the 3 single invitees would each pay £15 and the two couples would pay £20 per couple.

It's important to note here that the 3 single friends aren't actually single, their OHs just can't make it to the wedding. Also, both myself and the other plus one aren't close friends of the B&G, I think they're lovely people but it's just that I've only met them twice before.

Just before sealing the envelope single friend A says she doesn't think it's fair she's paying £15 whereas me and my DP (and the other couple) are effectively paying £10 each, so she and single friend B decide to form a 'couple' and pay £20 together. Not only does this leave the third single friend C out it's also not really the point - the reason the couples are paying more is because there are 2 in a couple but the reason we're only paying a bit more is because we're only plus ones rather than life long school friends!

So... AIBU to be a bit upset at friend A?

magoria Mon 28-Jul-14 21:30:19

Don't worry about friend A. It just shows what she really thinks of the bride if she and B decide to be upset about £5.

gordyslovesheep Mon 28-Jul-14 21:31:03

the couples aren't 'paying a little more' are they - they are paying LESS

YABU

JustSquirted Mon 28-Jul-14 21:32:42

I think it's nobody's business what anybody else pays.
Same with a gift, you wouldn't know how much exactly it was.

You should give what you think is right / affordable / appropriate for your particular friendship, and let others do the same.

PleaseJustShootMeNow Mon 28-Jul-14 21:34:06

Sorry but I think YABU too. You should all pay the same or go it alone.

Pico2 Mon 28-Jul-14 21:34:06

Why do you need to put it all together? Can't you just each give a gift?

I tend to think of a gift as going some way towards our meal or the evening do at a wedding, so I tend to think "per person".

Heels99 Mon 28-Jul-14 21:34:32

Yabu. Singles are paying 15 each. Couples are paying 20 per couple so 10 each. Don't blame your friend for forming a couple!

Squtternutbaush Mon 28-Jul-14 21:34:33

If you have all decided on a set amount it should be equal for everyone so say £10 per person (as the couples are paying) or £15 per person (as the singles are paying).

Why should someone who is single pay more?

NewtRipley Mon 28-Jul-14 21:36:19

Lawks what a fuss. I actually agree with A though, although in her place I probably wouldn't mention it. In your place I wouldn't have set it up in this way

Pidgy Mon 28-Jul-14 21:36:35

Who cares?! It's really not worth getting worked up over £5.
Just let them pay whatever they want.

TheHouseatWhoCorner Mon 28-Jul-14 21:37:41

YABU. Why should the single people pay more (per person) than the couples?

dun1urkin Mon 28-Jul-14 21:38:16

I think A and B were U to 'agree' to something that they didn't really agree with and not say anything until the last minute.

Surely the only way to agree this sort of thing is to apply a weighted formula based on -- pre-agreed for reasonableness-- disposable income and the longevity, closeness and any other factor necessary of the relationship with the bride and/or groom grin

Staryyeyedsurprise Mon 28-Jul-14 21:38:47

So in total you were going to put in £85? The weird bit of me that I keep locked within would have felt duty bound to round up to £100 as £85 is a yacky number. But then I can't allocate time in less than 15 minute blocks and I can't have the tv volume on a number that's not divisible by 5. I can't work out who is BU as the £85 is disturbing me <helpful face>

LifesABeachApparently Mon 28-Jul-14 21:40:06

You're right, in retrospect we should all do a gift separately, but they all wanted to club together with money and a gift (they made a memory/photo album thing) as they're all an old school friendship group with the B&G.

dun1urkin Mon 28-Jul-14 21:40:07

(Sorry for the strikethrough fail)

Staryyeyedsurprise Mon 28-Jul-14 21:41:41

pico2
Why do you need to put it all together? Can't you just each give a gift?

Actually, that's a really good point! Or the couples together and the singles together?

Also, what about third single who didn't form a couple? Is she now the only one paying £15 because THAT would BU.

amyhamster Mon 28-Jul-14 21:42:50

Are you going to the whole day?
Because tbh £15 is very stingy !
I usually give £25 for an evening do & £30 for all day
£85 btw 7 people doesn't seem a lot

dun1urkin Mon 28-Jul-14 21:44:19

amyhamster it might be stingy to you, but don't forget the formula based on income and relationship to the happy couple...

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 28-Jul-14 21:44:27

I too don't understand the need to club together if you're fixing cash. I don't understand the need to set a tariff. I don't understand why you pay less if you're in a couple. I think you are probably BU.

LifesABeachApparently Mon 28-Jul-14 21:44:46

Yes stary she's paying £15 by herself because she said £7.50 is a weird number for her to add to the envelope. I wasn't there when it happened but she's a bit miffed about it.

thecageisfull Mon 28-Jul-14 21:46:27

I think YABU. You should either all pay £10 or all pay £15.

I go out as a single per on in a group where the others all happen to be couples. I always end up paying a wee bit more. Things like 'taxi works outs as £30 per couple and £20 for cage' and I end up getting in more than my fair share of rounds. Not twice as many but it still hacks me off. I like them enough to put up with it.

LifesABeachApparently Mon 28-Jul-14 21:46:28

We're only going to the evening, ceremony is family only. It's a really relaxed event (parent's garden, no band, etc).

thecageisfull Mon 28-Jul-14 21:48:16

Yes stary she's paying £15 by herself because she said £7.50 is a weird number for her to add to the envelope. I wasn't there when it happened but she's a bit miffed about it.

Surely she would pay £10, like everyone else, not £7.50 confused

dun1urkin Mon 28-Jul-14 21:48:23

What? When did £7.50 come into it??
I thought it was £15 each but with a £5 discount if you were coupled up?

BBQSteak Mon 28-Jul-14 21:49:12

yabu, either everyone pays same or give your own gifts

tbh im baffled by this !

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