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To stop inviting children to parties when they have not had a party themselves

(334 Posts)
PMDD Mon 13-Jan-14 08:07:57

I just read another thread about their son not being invited to a party. It has raised an interesting point that I am considering this year.

On the whole, I believe that if you have a large party where all the children or all of one sex at the party, that you invite the whole class and not leave one, two or three off the list. Especially when the children are in infants.

I really enjoy a celebration and hold parties for my friends and their children (and friends with no children) at Easter, Summer, Halloween and Christmas. My children have a party each birthday every year.

It costs a fortune but it is my choice to hold the parties. Each children's party costs around £300 to hold and my children are born in May, June and July so it is an expensive quarter.

However, over recent years fewer children are having parties or are only having a party for a handful of children at home or taking them bowling or to the cinema. My children may invite 20+ children to their party, but only get to attend less than 4 each year in return.

There are 2 boys who never invite my sons to their house/party, so I have decided this year to have the party but not invite the children that never invite my children. This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited. I feel this is reasonable, but from reading the other thread, perhaps I'm not.

WTFlike Mon 13-Jan-14 08:09:41


formerbabe Mon 13-Jan-14 08:10:54 friend has 3 kids (8,9,10) who have never had a birthday party sad She attends every party she is invited too...I think it is a bit of a cheek to be honest.

DesperatelySeekingSanity Mon 13-Jan-14 08:11:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Llareggub Mon 13-Jan-14 08:11:10

You are definitely being unreasonable.

DesperatelySeekingSanity Mon 13-Jan-14 08:11:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WandaDoff Mon 13-Jan-14 08:11:42

YABU, it's a few or all.

Merrylegs Mon 13-Jan-14 08:12:20

Hmm. Do you usually give to receive? You sound a little U, yes.

mumblechum1 Mon 13-Jan-14 08:12:25

I do understand where you're coming from and was in a similar position when DS was young (spending a lot on paintball parties etc) BUT I don't think you should exclude 2children.
This is because A) it's not their fault their parents aren't as generous as you
B) would an extra 2 places really cost that much in the scheme of things?

Joysmum Mon 13-Jan-14 08:12:42


We've had parties but many if DD's friend parents can't afford it.

Added to that, when the children are very young, for many parents the guest list is based on the parents the adults knows rather than the friends of the children.

MarvellousMechanicalMouseOrgan Mon 13-Jan-14 08:12:45

When they don't invite your children are they still inviting everyone else?

Maybe they can't afford to invite the whole class and need to keep the numbers small.

Iwillneverusethisnameforpostin Mon 13-Jan-14 08:12:58

Yep: marginalise the children for a decsion made by their parents. Brilliant idea!

SoupDragon Mon 13-Jan-14 08:12:59

This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited.

No, that is really mean.

Chippednailvarnish Mon 13-Jan-14 08:13:21

So if you are poor and you can't afford to hold a party, you should never get invited to anything ever again?

Nice attitude to teach your DCs op.

annieorangutan Mon 13-Jan-14 08:15:12

Your children are going to grow up very materialistic and mean. You are inviting everyone but the 2 less well off kids hmm

callamia Mon 13-Jan-14 08:15:28

Who are you punishing? The child or the parents?

There are lots of reason at hat children may not have parties or host play dates, and not all of them are due to parents being selfish and mean. If you can throw big parties, and you and your children enjoy doing it, then what's the problem? You can be the bigger person here, and offer a nice time to children who don't get the opportunity to do that themselves.

ChasedByBees Mon 13-Jan-14 08:15:28

That would be really horrible. You are punishing then for their parents decisions. Really really mean.

Charotte31 Mon 13-Jan-14 08:16:20

It's not the fault of the poor children that they don't/ can't have party's! To not invite only 2 is really mean. If your not going to ask the hole class then just invite the children that your DC play with.

Mim78 Mon 13-Jan-14 08:16:21

I would just invite the children your dcs like Best.

Don't worry if they don't have a party. Some parentis can't afford it so shame to leave out the dc.

Maybe answer is to do something smaller this year if you find you are resenting it.

countrymouse27 Mon 13-Jan-14 08:16:35

formerbabe actually it means she's buying a lot of presents for children that also dont get reciprocated - so not that tight then!

comedycentral Mon 13-Jan-14 08:17:23

I think I have finally read it all.

YABU by the way.

funkybuddah Mon 13-Jan-14 08:18:20

Are you fucking joking?

So you would rather use your warped logic then inviting the kids your children actually want at their party?

Dd is in yr1 and had her 1st party this year. I allowed 10 friends. This cost enough, I'm not overspending just to appease some understimulated parent.

Also you have noticed that less and less people have parties, maybe they are sticking to a budget so they dont end up in debt? A budget where a 5quid gift is doable.

muchadoaboutsomething Mon 13-Jan-14 08:19:09

Also there can be other reasons for not having a party. My ds was very prem, very ill and his birthday remains the most traumatic day of my life. I am ok now but many many people have PTSD as a result of the experiences they have. Do I want to celebrate that.... Ds does so we will do something and of course that's more important and we will do something but it is very very hard.

formerbabe Mon 13-Jan-14 08:19:34

Its not because she's tight...she is just too lazy to organise it.

Goldmandra Mon 13-Jan-14 08:20:21

You give your children parties to celebrate their birthdays, not to engineer invitations to other parties. You invite the people your child will enjoy celebrating with so that they have a nice time.

That is quite an unpleasant attitude and not on I would like to teach my children.

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