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To take it personally that this mum excluded dd from party as RSVP too late

(167 Posts)
Fakeblondie Sat 30-Nov-13 09:24:37

Ok I responded very late , the day before to a party invite to a play zone for dd aged 3 from a lo at her play school.
I'd lost the invite and asked my friend ( the teacher ) if she'd mind telling the mum dd could come to her ds party when she arrived to pick up her son that afternoon as I wouldn't see her and had no contact no
I then received a text from the mum saying at this short notice she could not add my dd to the party as numbers and food orders had already been done.
Now I have 4 dc and yes it's extremely irritating when people don't respond until the day before a party. Sometimes I've even had children turn up I wasn't expecting .
while I put my hands up to the lateness it was the day before and a simple phone call would have been all that was needed it was 4pm and I know if it was me I would have just called the play barn and added one more child .
Sometimes I have felt like sending such a text but I never would really .. it's my dd I felt sorry for. We had been shopping and chosen a present card and a nice bag together and she was really excited as it was her first proper invited party . I then had to tell her we couldn't go and I felt like the worst mum.
I've been working too many hours and won't let that happen again because I've missed appointments forgotten to send things into school and now this . If I wasn't working such silly hours with no help and 4 dc I wouldn't have lost the invite and would have got around to replying earlier .Do you honestly think I'm being unteasonable to think this mum was unreasonable for not adding dd . Or am I being un reasonable and should expect this if one doesn't RSVP earlier ? I have taken it personally and maybe others would do same and not add child . I know how irritating late replies can be but I honestly would never do that x

Peekingduck Sat 30-Nov-13 09:26:21


HotDogSlaughter Sat 30-Nov-13 09:28:08

I'm afraid yabu but I do see your point.

Sirzy Sat 30-Nov-13 09:28:17


If the mother had confirmed numbers and paid for that amount then its not her fault you were unorganised.

Vivacia Sat 30-Nov-13 09:28:45


I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's disappointment. I hope that you still give the present and card adn treat your daughter to something nice too.

NoAddedSuga Sat 30-Nov-13 09:29:02


TheBreastmilksOnMe Sat 30-Nov-13 09:29:11

YANBU I think she's being a tad intolerant and inflexible but I wouldn't say anything to her. I'd just move on and make a point of not inviting her daughter to your daughters party next time. Some people like a power trip I think!

Iknowitseemsabragbutitsnot Sat 30-Nov-13 09:29:36

Yabu. Every time I've had a party I've had some parents not reply. It's a real pain. Perhaps they also have a very busy life and it was easier just to give place to another child than chase after you. There will be a set number and the parent won't want to waste a place.

lougle Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:04

Oh that's awkward. dd1 is having a party and we have to have food orders in a week before the party. Perhaps she phoned and they said it was too late?

Idreamofsunshine Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:22

I think you must know YABU sorry.

Iknowitseemsabragbutitsnot Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:28

Not to mention out passed the message through someone else!

Bowlersarm Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:44

Sorry but I'm another YABU. Maybe the other mother could have made an effort to fit your dd in, but why should she? She's probably a bit cross about your late reply.

I feel for your dd though. Do something nice with her when she should be at the party perhaps?

Tee2072 Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:46


Surely you had the invitation some time ago an had plenty of time to send her the message.

Your inability to think ahead is not the responsibility of the party girl's mum.

intitgrand Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:49

yabu she had probably invited someone else when you did not reply

georgedawes Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:52

Sorry yabu, it's really rude to reply the day before when it all will have been booked and paid for.

ElbowPrincess Sat 30-Nov-13 09:31:18

YABU. Numbers have already been submitted, some party places insist on this a few days prior to the party. Get yoruself a diary or something to keep yourself organised.

Sirzy Sat 30-Nov-13 09:31:26

make a point of not inviting her daughter to your daughters party next time

How very petty!

LaCerbiatta Sat 30-Nov-13 09:31:33

YANBU you're just living in the wrong country....people go out of their way to rub their righteousness and inflexibility in your face

LaCerbiatta Sat 30-Nov-13 09:31:33

YANBU you're just living in the wrong country....people go out of their way to rub their righteousness and inflexibility in your face

TiredDog Sat 30-Nov-13 09:32:10


Vivacia Sat 30-Nov-13 09:32:55

Also, I don't know why you're annoyed by her texting you. You didn't even do that, just got the teacher to pass a message on.

Fakebook Sat 30-Nov-13 09:33:29

I don't know, surely you account for suprise turn ups and order extra food and let soft play people know there may be one or two extras showing up? I think ywbu for leaving it so late but mother is bu too. It's like a punishment for not RSVP-ing...

Iknowitseemsabragbutitsnot Sat 30-Nov-13 09:34:03

She didn't actually "exclude" your child. You didn't accept the invitation until it was too late.

cathpip Sat 30-Nov-13 09:34:14

Yabu, I have just had this, I ended up chasing parents for replys, its deeply annoying when people do not reply to invites esp when most invites are handed out a few weeks in advance. Most soft plays ask for confirmation of numbers a week before the party and when you factor in the cost which can be around £10 per child I'm not surprised she did not add you on at such short notice. Having 4dc and working full time is not a good excuse, sorry!

TheOnlyPink Sat 30-Nov-13 09:35:02

Yabu, you should have rsvp to the party before going shopping for a gift. It might not be as simple as phoning to add another child, she might not have enough money to pay for your DD.

it would have been nice of the other mum to sort it out for you, but tbh you could have asked your friend to let the other mum know ages ago when you realized you had lost the invite. The day before, at 4pm is a but rude. Almost like "I have nothing better to do tomorrow" thinking (not saying that's the case, just how it could be taken)

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