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about a change in Christmas Day plans...?

(47 Posts)
kinkyfuckery Sun 27-Oct-13 18:11:01

Last year, an aunt and uncle organised a big family Xmas meal in the village hall where they live. Many of us went and it was lovely, thoroughly nice time, etc etc. Noises were made about a repeat this year.

Fast forward to this year. Me and the DCs moved house in June. As this would be our first Christmas in our new home, I'd like to spend it at home, with my parents coming for dinner (my parents have come to me for Xmas dinner, with the exception of last year). I've asked my parents about it a few times in the last month or so, and as of last weekend there was no word of a big family 'do' so they accepted our invitation.

I've told the DCs that Granny and Grandad will be coming for Xmas at ours and they are both very excited (Up until we moved, my parents came for Sunday dinner every 2nd weekend - since we moved we've not had the space in our kitchen for a dining table so this hasn't happened since May - but kitchen is getting replaced end of next month with space for a table - yay - just in time for Xmas grin)

So today, my mum told me that aunt and uncle today invited everyone out to village hall for dinner and they've accepted, and up to us what we do.

I am so disappointed with them sad It's like they just accepted our invitation until they had a 'better' option and now they've ditched us.

So as not to drip-feed, my DCs are very hard work. DC1 has ADHD and ASD, and I have similar concerns about DC2 though she has not as yet been assessed. Frankly, the idea of being stuck in the house cleaning, cooking and trying to occupy them by myself fills me with dread on Xmas day and I was really looking forward to having my parents there to lighten the load a little, or at least distract me a little!

Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I either a) attempt to do Xmas by myself, which already makes me feel sick thinking of it, or b) disappoint the kids (and myself!) and go to a Xmas day 'do' when really I want to spend it at home for the first year in our new house. Either way, the kids are going to be difficult and confused having had their plans changed.

sigh I know I'm probably being unreasonable and should just man the fuck up and suck it up and learn how to deal with my own fucking kids, but it's just another occasion when what I want is being overlooked, yet-a-fucking-gain! stomps feet

kinkyfuckery Sun 27-Oct-13 18:11:53

Woah that's long:

In short, AIBU that family who had accepted our Xmas Day invite have now cancelled on us, knowing it's far from ideal?

LittleBairn Sun 27-Oct-13 18:14:18

It's bloody Months till Christmas it's hardly like a cancellation on Christmas Eve. YABU.

Nanny0gg Sun 27-Oct-13 18:14:23

I think they were wrong to change plans like that, but did your DCs enjoy Christmas last year?

You still have a fair bit of time to prepare them for the change if necessary.

why not go for xmas dinner with everyone but do something special on either xmas eve or boxing day at home (unless its too far and you need to stay over)

Yama Sun 27-Oct-13 18:18:23

YANBU. Your parents shouldn't have accepted your invitation and then pulled out in favour of another offer. Quite rude actually.

WooWooOwl Sun 27-Oct-13 18:19:17

Your dc will be able to accept this early on that the plan has changed slightly, and you can still have your parents over for a roast over Christmas to swop presents. Your dc will still be able to have a lovely festive day with granny and grandad if you invite them a different day.

I can understand you're disappointed, but I can understand why your parents might prefer a bit of a party atmosphere on Christmas Day.

Did you move far away or are you still near them?

ScarerAndFuckItsAGhost Sun 27-Oct-13 18:21:17


They accepted your invitation and they know that your children might struggle to accept why the plans have changed

They shouldn't have accepted the second invitation without speaking to you first, as perhaps they thought this would lighten your load rather than add to it. But it would have been better to ask you first.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor Sun 27-Oct-13 18:21:45

YANBU I agree with Yama

FlapJackOLantern Sun 27-Oct-13 18:25:49

Lots more people to look after your DCs at the village hall. Ask your parents over to yours for Easter!

Grumpywino Sun 27-Oct-13 18:30:07

It is just one day, why do people get so upset over one ruddy day?!?

CoffeeTea103 Sun 27-Oct-13 18:31:58

Do Xmas eve at home and Christmas Day with everyone. That way there will be plenty to have kids occupied, you will have a break and being around your family makes it more special.

quoteunquote Sun 27-Oct-13 18:39:36

Do boxing day at yours(so grandma and grandpa are still coming), far more relaxed,

and go and enjoy spending it with your family, in a hall, with lots of people to entertain the little ones,

DustBunnyFarmer Sun 27-Oct-13 18:43:55

Could you have a special christmas meal in your own home with your parents on Christmas eve, then join the big celebration with everyone else on Xmas Day? We have our proper Christmas meal on Christmas Eve these days because I like seeing the kids open their pressies instead of flitting to and fro to the kitchen to supervise the dinner.

It is unkind of your parents to mess you around, but at least they've given plenty of notice so you can make other plans.

cakebar Sun 27-Oct-13 18:46:37

I think YABU because I think you kind of knew that your parents wanted to go to the village hall again, and you were pressing for an answer a long time before Christmas and before they knew if that was an option or not. I also think that it's not a good idea to let kids know what plans are a long time in advance as plans do often change.

MelanieCheeks Sun 27-Oct-13 18:49:37

There's too much pressure on making One Day so special!

Your parents are free to choose what they want - if that village hall thing was so good last year, I cant blame them for opting for that again this year.

And why can't you? Is it too far away?

If so, then make your first Christmas in your new home something nice - but easy - for you. Cook something simple that everyone enjoys. Have enough games and DVDs that the children enjoy.Dont set your standards unreachably high. Have you any other nearby friends who coudl join you for the day and help out?

Caitlin17 Sun 27-Oct-13 18:57:00

What a fuss about one day which is almost 2 months' away. It's not as if they cancelled the day before or after you'd bought stuff.

IamChristmas Sun 27-Oct-13 18:59:39

It does sound a little bit like if you parents come to you they will effectively be helping with child care, so it's understandable that they might prefer a 'party' type atmosphere where they can relax more. I agree with others, if the family gathering went well last year why not do it again and have your parents over another day, how about anew years day dinner at yours?

Blu Sun 27-Oct-13 19:02:55

Have a lovely Christmas Dinner / Grand opening of your new Kitchen on Xmas Eve or Boxing Day o NY Eve or NY day, and be happy for the big family support on Xmas day itself.

I am sure your parents didn't deliberately 'jilt' you - though it was a bit presumptuous to tell you, rather than discuss it with you

defineme Sun 27-Oct-13 19:03:17

I think you're right to feel a little miffed (believe me I do understand-ds1 has asd and would take time to adjust to change of plans, but having been to same party the year before he would adapt in the end). However, I think you're cutting off your nose to spite your face in the end. Lovely to have a party to go to on xmas day and you can still have the rest of the festive season in your new home with tree and presents. This simply extends your opportunities to fill up the dark xmas hols because your parents can come to you another day too.

Caitlin17 Sun 27-Oct-13 19:07:25

The big do in the hall sounds great and I'm someone who'd happily ban Christmas. I can see why your parents would prefer it, especially as it seems you want them with you as helpers. Would not the big do be easier for you as well?

LaGuardia Sun 27-Oct-13 19:12:40

YABU. Some of us are working Christmas Day and won't see our kids in daylight. Get over yourself.

Nanny0gg Sun 27-Oct-13 21:06:50

Why was that necessary LaGuardia?

The OP has explained that her DC don't cope well with a change in circumstances and I can understand the wish to celebrate in her new home also.

There's always someone worse off, but if we all worried about that there would be no AIBU, would there?

ForalltheSaints Sun 27-Oct-13 21:14:42

You have had two months warning, so you can plan for Christmas at your home, which is what I think you should do.

carvedpumpkin Sun 27-Oct-13 21:18:36

Could you speak to your mum about how hurt you feel at her changing plans like this? is there a chance she feels she might be doing you a favour by saving you the work? (my mum is like this, constantly saying that she wants to 'save me the bother' when actually I like having her round for tea!)

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