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To not want to move my plans to suit others?

(89 Posts)
daisydoo222 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:30:51

I have been going to Slimming World at the same time and the same day every week for 2&1/2 years and lost over 5 stone, the only time I have ever missed a class is when I was on holiday, I have sat through group when I've been poorly, I plan everything else around it.
I have committed to myself that I will continue to go, probably for the rest of my life and I'm currently considering becoming a leader and making it my career (or at least a bit of a side line).
My point is - this is more than just a bit of a diet, I take it seriously, it has changed my life and also improved everything for the family as I now have so much more energy and I'm able to do more with my kids.

However, now my stepson has started going to football training on the same night that I go so DP has asked if I would be able to change my class so that he can go with him.

I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it is. The only two options I've got to change are: 1) I take the kids with me to the earlier session to get weighed but then I wouldn't be able to stay to class. I have a 1 year old and 4 year old, there's no way they'll sit still and be quiet and the leader has politely asked people in the past not to bring kids unless they can be good. Also it would end up being past their bedtime before I get them home.
2) I go to a different class in a different town the next day. I don't drive so it would mean me having to get two buses and would take me about 1&1/2 hours in each direction.
Plus the people at my existing group are my friends and are great support to me so I don't really want to have to move groups - I know that sounds silly but the group is often like a counselling session, they have supported me through my Mum's death and through my pregnancy.

I'm just annoyed because it's important to me and I feel now like DP doesn't take it too seriously. If I say I won't change I'm going to be the bad guy but I really don't want to.
I'm sure there must be a different football group somewhere? I'm not sure if his ex has arranged this on purpose because she knows it clashes with my class. There's 7 days in a week but out of the whole week she happens to pick the exact time and date that I'm busy. Coincidence?

firawla Fri 18-Oct-13 14:32:25

Why can't dp just take his son and you do your own class? I wouldn't change that personally yanbu

BrianTheMole Fri 18-Oct-13 14:36:58

Why doesn't he take the kids with him instead. I wouldn't change it op. Its clearly very important to you.

daisydoo222 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:39:14

Because we have two younger children (1 and 4), they go to bed around 7-7.30, the football is between 7-8 and would then take his son home so he wouldn't get home until about 8.45. I need to leave for my class at 7.30 and get home about 9.30.
So one of us needs to be at home to put the kids to bed and look after them.
We don't have any family close by, all my friends are other mums so they're busy with their own kids at bedtime.

Morgause Fri 18-Oct-13 14:39:39

You have prior call on the day. It's ok for him to ask but also ok for you to say no and explain why.

HulaHooperStormTrooper Fri 18-Oct-13 14:43:42

YANBU as such. If he wants to change his plans then its his responsibility to find someone else to take his place without affecting the plans you have had for the last few years.

Congrats on the loss by the way x

missnevermind Fri 18-Oct-13 14:50:45

So he needs to find somebody to sit with the little ones after you have put them to bed?
Any local teenagers or older children of friends that could do that for an hour or so?

shellbot Fri 18-Oct-13 18:17:41

YANBU I don't think you should change to another day. If you DP wants to go to his son's training then he needs to sort out childcare or ask his son to change his football training to another day.

Handbagsonnhold Fri 18-Oct-13 18:24:23

Yanbu I wouldn't do it's important to you ..... ask oh to see if his mum can sort maybe? Hope u sort x

petalsandstars Fri 18-Oct-13 18:30:34

Nope, you have a pre-existing commitment with no suitable alternative so he has to either sort out a sitter or change the football day.

SkinnybitchWannabe Fri 18-Oct-13 18:34:58

I totally understand how you feel about your group.
Ive been at Slimming World since Jan and I love it.
I couldnt bare to just get weighed and go because I find the group talk so helpful and motivating.
Tell your OH that its not possible for you to change groups so he'll have to sort out your children.
Dont give up SW..whatever happens.
Congrats on your amazing loss btw.

SJisontheway Fri 18-Oct-13 18:35:54

If its a night he is with his mother, why can't she take him?

morethanpotatoprints Fri 18-Oct-13 18:37:34

Its unlikely that your ss could ask them to change his football day and time and lovely that your dh wants to go with him.
However, you have plans that you shouldn't have to change.
Between you can you find somebody to mind the dc for a while. Perhaps as suggested before a local teenager, friend of family, neighbour etc. It doesn't seem as though its for long and the dc will already be asleep before you leave.

neolara Fri 18-Oct-13 18:42:17

Why can't you get a babysitter? Put the kids to bed by 7pm and then both go out.

amicissimma Fri 18-Oct-13 18:43:11

No. You have a prior commitment.

4 options spring immediately to mind:

1) DP finds someone to share the football with - he takes and the other parent picks up (little ones get dragged to drop off)

2) DP finds a babysitter for the pick up (if not the dropoff as well)

3) DSS Mum sorts it out or helps with the pick up

4) DSS does a different football training or none at all

I expect someone with more imagination than I have can offer some other suggestions.

mynewpassion Fri 18-Oct-13 18:46:31

Work together to find a solution. Just don't be stubborn for the sake of stubborn. Find a viable solution.

Coconutty Fri 18-Oct-13 18:49:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihearsounds Fri 18-Oct-13 19:09:49

Nope I wouldn't change it. What if he wants to do something on the next night, he will expect you to try and change again, because well, you did it before.

Nope. He can sort out other arrangements or take all the dc's with him.

coppertop Fri 18-Oct-13 19:22:52

If your dp really wants to go to football training, then he needs to be the one putting in some effort or making sacrifices to make it happen.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor Fri 18-Oct-13 19:29:08

If your dp really wants to go then it's up to him to find a baby sitter for the younger ones.

WhoNickedMyName Fri 18-Oct-13 19:32:38


You have a longstanding commitment to that night. If he now wants to do something that clashes, then it's up to him to sort out suitable childcare arrangements or change football night.

Footface Fri 18-Oct-13 19:38:00

No don't change. There must be other football sessions or dp can find childcare.

I think he's got a cheek to ask

BrokenSunglasses Fri 18-Oct-13 19:43:30

What will you do when your four year old gets older and the hobby they desperately want to do is on at the same time as your class? If you'd move it for your own child, you should move it for your DHs.

He has as much commitment to your children as he has to his oldest, and he actually has more obligation to do this for his first child than he has to be around for your children because he doesn't get to live with his oldest.

I think it would be very very selfish of you to prevent a child and his father going to football club together just so that you can see your friends. Looking after your children is your responsibility too, and no matter which way you look at it, a child is more important than a slimming world class.

Pay for a babysitter if you really can't bring yourself to stop going out.

elcranko Fri 18-Oct-13 19:47:06

YANBU, you shouldn't have to change your prior commitment to accommodate your DH's new one. Finding a babysitter for a couple of hours seems like the best solution. I bet a local teenager (that you know and trust obviously) would love to make a bit of cash by watching tv in your lounge for an hour or two.

HellonHeels Fri 18-Oct-13 19:56:36

No way is it selfish for OP to prioritise this over DC's football. She has a longstanding commitment to her health - for OP to stay healthy will benefit the entire family both now and far into the future.

This should not be sacrificed for one child's activity, especially when the child's father and mother can find a way around the problem.

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