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Who is BU, me or DH?

(99 Posts)
OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 22:54:05

My Dh has asked me to put this to the vote on MN because he thinks I am being silly about something. Here's the problem:

We have a 2.5 yr old. He is a real little worrier, gets quite anxious and timid about stuff and needs a lot of reassurance about quite small things, like someone standing near him in a shop. On of his biggest things is that every night before bed, I have to spend ages reassuring him that animals are not going to come into the bedroom and 'get' him. I don't know where he got this fear from, but it is very real for him.

Anyway, earlier, I went to the loo before we started bedtime, and I came back into the living room to find him showing DS a YouTube video of a crocodile about to attack a baby gazelle. I took the iPad away and pretended it was a game, which DS fell for. I've watched the video since and the attack itself, which DS didn't see, is really brutal, bloody and horrible. Ds has just got a crocodile cuddly toy, and DH's reasoning is that it would be interesting for Ds to see what crocs are like. As though that's the only possible way of finding out more about crocodiles hmm

Dh says IABU for thinking this was a problem. I say he is out of his tiny mind to show such a video to a child of that age full stop, never mind to a tot who has a terror that animals are going to attack him. I must add that DH is an otherwise sensible chap, who is usually quite judgey about stuff like parents letting kids play age-unsuitable videogames, etc. I also pointed out that as it's always me who does the end of bedtime, it's all too easy for him to not worry about Ds being upset, as he won't be the one dealing with it (I don't begrudge doing this for Ds, please don't comment about that).

Who is BU?!


MortifiedAdams Sat 05-Oct-13 22:54:47


fuzzpig Sat 05-Oct-13 22:55:01

He is.

Bluestocking Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:10

Your DH is not just BU, he is also possibly a little bit bonkers. HTH.

FadBook Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:24

YANBU your DH is

I'd get night terrors if I watched something like that blush

FrightRider Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:33

He is. What a knob. There's plenty of time for wildlife programmes and real life when your son is older.


londonmum14 Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:53

IMO DH was being VVVU!! I guess maybe he thought it would be aversion therapy or that the croc toy would protect him? hmm

CocacolaMum Sat 05-Oct-13 22:57:31

your dh is bvu

Flojobunny Sat 05-Oct-13 22:58:26

Way too young to need an education on nature. Crocodiles should be cuddly at this age, just like bears. Plenty of time for him to find out what crocs n bears are really like, in about 10 yrs!

BillyBanter Sat 05-Oct-13 22:58:46

It doesn't sound like a terribly sensible idea, no. I'll give you my vote.

Also might I suggest some magic dust or imaginary angel or animal catching device to fend of any animals that might try to come in in the night. Alternatively some pretend play in the day time where you beat the animals and foil their attempts with a sword or his magic teddy bear or whatever he can then keep by his bed .

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Oct-13 22:58:51

He is BU sad

Does he think your DS should 'man up' or something?

I was pretty sensitive when I was small and my Dad was very unsympathetic, but luckily my mum was the opposite.

It was inappropriate for him to see, fuck, I don't even like seeing shit like that.

Why wouldn't your DH want to protect him from the harsher realities of life? It's not denying they're there, but saving them for a time when your DS can deal with them, which isn't now going on what you've said.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Oct-13 22:59:32

Lots of x-posts saying the same.

notanyanymore Sat 05-Oct-13 23:00:36

shock umm... what was he thinking??!
Are you sure DH has 'no idea' where DS' s original fears have come from..?

caramelwaffle Sat 05-Oct-13 23:01:04

Your son is 2 and a half years old?

Your husband is being unreasonable.

bigwellylittlewelly Sat 05-Oct-13 23:01:37

I say your DH
My DH says your DH


Purplefrogshoe Sat 05-Oct-13 23:02:49

DH is BU

SavoyCabbage Sat 05-Oct-13 23:03:02

your dh is. Even if your ds wasn't the nervous type! Surely a lot of two year olds would be scared by that.

Itsybitsyteenyweeneyyellowpolk Sat 05-Oct-13 23:05:13

Dh definitely. Why on earth would he show him that?

Topseyt Sat 05-Oct-13 23:06:08

He was being rather misguided. Crocodiles are not nice, friendly pussycats. Your son is a bit too young to be viewing this sort of thing yet, and would very likely find it very upsetting. It might even make him fear his new toy crocodile.

There is plenty of time for your son to learn what the world is really like, and he will. At three though, he is not ready and needs his child-like innocence preserved on that for the time being.

HKat Sat 05-Oct-13 23:06:12

Your DH is unreasonable. What possible benefit could that have to and 2.5 yo, let alone one who already has anxiety about animals? And has just been given a crocodile toy? Meh.

WandaDoff Sat 05-Oct-13 23:06:24

Your husband is an idiot.

OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 23:07:21

Thank you! Dh is begrudgingly accepting that it might not have been his greatest idea. Everything everyone has said are points I have already made, grrrrrr!

AgentZigZag, it's nothing to do with him wanting Ds to man up. DH is very unmacho, hates gender stereotyping, hates all the 'boys don't cry' crap in our culture, and is usually a pretty sensitive guy, especially to DS.

He's very... How can I put it... Anti-fluff. Very realistic, very rationalist, very science-minded. He doesn't always see that there is a grey area between being sickeningly twee and over-protective and telling a toddler facts that are too mich for them to handle. I have recently had to ask him not to explain what 'dead' means in overly-straightforward ways.

I am not some sort of twee knobber, I am a massive Atheist and don't agree with sugar-coating everything, or telling kids cutesie-pie explanations for everything, but there is that grey area, like I said!

WandaDoff Sat 05-Oct-13 23:07:42

DP says he's a nasty cunt.

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