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AIBU and mean or friend is trying to take advantage?

(107 Posts)
Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 21:48:08

Sorry if this will be long and boring, I will try and do my best to explain the situation.

I am friends with "Betty" for a long time now and so are our kids. We constantly pass second hand stuff to each other, anything really, be it for the kids, ourselves, household...we usually check with each other first before offering to someone else or charity shop.

One day Betty came to my house and asked to buy a specific item that I had bought brand new for business use but no longer needed anymore. The item is in mint condition. I let her take it to her home so she could show to her husband and try at hers, even though she had tried at mine may times before. I said to her I couldn't price it at that point as I wasn't even thinking of selling it now and I needed to check on eBay how much the item is selling for.

So she took it home and 4 days later, in replying to my txt regarding other subject, she said that they decided to buy the product and asking me about my price, but she had just seen a similar one (not in great condition like mine and an old version too) at a charity shop going for £6, so she was just giving me an idea...

I than checked on eBay and saw that there is none like mine for sale (mine has an extra useful bit), but there is the old version going for £30+. I bought it brand new for £65.

So I texted her and said that my price was £30. And that I knew a neighbour who could sell one of the old ones for £25. She than txt me back saying that she is better go and check if the charity shop one is still there available and I suggested she give them a call and ask them to hold it for her (as she was working).

Anyway, no more communication since and she still using my item, never paid anything and doesn't really bother me as I don't need it nor need the money.

However we usually meet every Thursday with another friend, usually in my home, I couldn't hosted today but the other friend said that Betty invited her to go to her house...
And I was not invited...
So now I am wondering if she is angry with me because I am not selling the item for £6 or even giving it to her for free, or if she is only avoiding me because she doesn't want to pay for the item?

Am I being mean and selfish after all?

Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 21:50:01

Oh, and before someone say she may not have the money:

She has 2 mortgage free properties in London, one big posh car, 3 foreign holidays a year...

I pay rent in a council flat, can't afford driving lessons, and went to see my family in my home country after saving for 6 years.

Euphemia Thu 03-Oct-13 21:50:42

She thinks you're taking the piss. She thinks you're trying to make a buck out of a friend.

Talk to her - explain why your mysterious item is superior to the charity shop one.

Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 22:03:57

She knows why my item is superior than the charity shop one, she is using it at her home and she saw the charity shop one with her own eyes.
Also, this in an item that I purchased for my business. She asked me to buy it. I never offered her. I never said to anyone it was available.

She can go to eBay and see exactly how much it costs new and how much people are selling it second hand.

So a friend asks to buy something expensive that I have and wasn't even thinking about selling, and I am taking the piss because I ask a fair price on it...
Is it trying to make a buck out of a friend?
if I put on eBay I can get a better price.

mumofweeboys Thu 03-Oct-13 22:09:57

Ask her for it back and tell her your going to list it on eBay so your coming round to pick it up.

Madratlady Thu 03-Oct-13 22:13:35

Take it back, put it on ebay. She's taking the piss!

Caitycat Thu 03-Oct-13 22:18:14

Yup taking the piss, tell her you are coming to collect either the £30 or it as you need the money and she can choose - it's up to her whether she thinks £30 is too much but if she doesn't want to pay she has to give it back.

foslady Thu 03-Oct-13 22:20:39

I seriously doubt the charity shop had the item - just a way of trying to make you sell it cheaper..........

Jux Thu 03-Oct-13 22:21:35

Ring her up, tell you need it again and ask for it back. Tell her you'll come and pick it up tomorrow.

HollaAtMeBaby Thu 03-Oct-13 22:28:43

When are you next seeing her? Before this, you need to email her (or text) saying that you 'll need to take back the item then, unless she can give you the £30 cash for it. Make something up if you have to e.g. that you suddenly need it after all.

Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 22:31:51

I just can't believe that she genuinely thinks that one item that costs £65 new and is in good condition could be sold for only £6.
Why she thinks it is ok foe me to spend that kind of money but not her to spend half?

What bothers me is that I didn't offer. She asked!

Unexpected Thu 03-Oct-13 22:33:47

But if you said you couldn't host today she obviously assumed you weren't available so why would she invite you for coffee?

expatinscotland Thu 03-Oct-13 22:34:22

Text her! Tell her you are coming to collect it tomorrow as there is a free-listing day on Ebay at the weekend and you need the money.

YellowDinosaur Thu 03-Oct-13 22:34:32

I reckon you're not invited because she's sold it herself

MistressIggi Thu 03-Oct-13 22:39:37

At the moment, she has got it for free! I think she is in the wrong but I think you are possibly expecting a bit much - as I know from trying to sell a lot of things, sometimes people just don't buy second hand unless they feel it will be at a bargain price!

Xiaoxiong Thu 03-Oct-13 22:41:01

I think you need to get it back from her and sell it on ebay. Just drop her a text to ask when it's convenient. If you keep it light and friendly then there shouldn't be a problem, it's your item and she knows you didn't intend to give it to her as a gift or lend it indefinitely so no scope for misunderstandings.

The regular meet up thing though - I agree with unexpected and think you're reading too much into it (coloured by her failure to return your item). If you usually host two other people on a Thursday, but then one Thursday you let the other two know you can't host, I would think it would be completely normal for them to text each other and say "hey, too bad Hopemore can't do this Thurs, why don't you come round to mine if you're still free otherwise I'll see you next week at Hopemore's house". Nothing to do with the item at all.

Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 22:46:17

Unexpected, I couldn't host because I couldn't be at home preparing lunch as I had things to do in the morning so I didn't invite. But she called the other friend and never called me.

bigbrick Thu 03-Oct-13 22:46:23

She needs to return this asap or you will send her a bill for it and for any damage.

SanityClause Thu 03-Oct-13 22:48:27

Yep, just ask for it back. Say anything. You want to sell it on eBay. You know someone else who needs one, and wants to buy/borrow it. You have decided that you do have a use for it, after all. Whatever. You don't owe her an explanation, but it will be simpler if you have one even if it's not true.

Monty27 Thu 03-Oct-13 22:55:32

Tell her you're coming to get it as you want to get it listed. Easy.

Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 22:59:56

I understand people like bargain, I love going to charity shops and getting bargains or cheap stuff of eBay, but I would never go to someone's house, ask them to buy something expensive they have, ask them what is their price, not accept it and also keep the item regardless. This is something that I am sure she is using every day at least 3 times a day, so there is no way she had forgotten.

I just wanted to check here because I wasn't sure if I was being mean or she is being cheeky. She is stingy but this is her personality, she has no reason to have money worries. But she knows how much I struggled
in the past and how far I have come to get where I am now which is nowhere near her status.

Is it ok if I txt asking: did you manage to find item in the charity shopping after all? neighbour is asking what do you want to do re: item and so do I.

MistressIggi Thu 03-Oct-13 23:11:32

I think your text will over complicate things. She has something of yours and you want it back. A breezy "I'll be by to collect the Hoover on Wednesday" (in my head it's a Hoover!) or "just let me know when you can drop the Hoover off". Don't get involved with the whole charity shop thing, you're not bothered whether you sell to her or not so just get it back.

Patilla Thu 03-Oct-13 23:28:06

I'd just keep it really simple and say "can I please have [item] back now as I need it. Let me know when you're able to drop it off. Hope it was handy to borrow it to give it a trial"

Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 23:36:12

But because she never sold me anything (and I never asked to buy anything off her), in fact I never ask her anything, she offers me, should I just let it go?

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 03-Oct-13 23:43:04

Am I the only one wondering what this item is?!

Clearly ask her for it back. Do it tomorrow.

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