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Son's teacher asking me to vary privacy preferences

(90 Posts)
DustBunnyFarmer Fri 27-Sep-13 08:58:49

My son's teacher (primary) caught me outside school this morning and initiated conversation about whether I would agree to her posting a video of the whole class made during a recent topic on the school website so all the parents could enjoy it. She said there had been a few other parents who'd signed a 'no photos' clause like us that she'd had to speak to, but I was the only one left

DH and I expressed preference for no photos in school publicity/on web when both of our boys started. There was a reason for this (family issue), but also we guard our online privacy jealously. We don't facebook, twitter or photoshare and have spoken to relatives about plastering pictures of our kids all over their FB account with their full names in the past.

AIBU to think that, if a parent has clearly expressed a view on this, the school - or an isolated teacher in this case - should not be trying to renegotiate and definitely not by tring to guilt 'the last man standing'?

For info, the video would not be posted in a password protected area - it would be on the main website, open for the whole world to see.

ll31 Fri 27-Sep-13 09:02:08

So he'll be in middle of big group? Don't see ptoblemish tbh. Also don't see why teacher shouldnt ask you,is no one ever allowed ask if you've changed your mind?

geekgal Fri 27-Sep-13 09:02:30

YANBU - once it's on the web, password protected or not, it's there for all to see! Stick to your guns, tell this teacher what to go and do...

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 27-Sep-13 09:03:37

I am really shocked they have asked this - as you say you're not just being paranoid, there are family reasons behind it. Is she mad?? Children could be in care or escaping an abusive relative or anything at all.

There is a reason you have to sign to agree to photos being used - she should be aware of this. It's nothing to do with "paedo paranoia".

I would speak to the head and make sure they are aware that this teacher has taken it upon herself to try and persuade people against this.

dyslexicdespot Fri 27-Sep-13 09:04:52

I agree with geekgal, she should never have asked.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus Fri 27-Sep-13 09:07:40

Well, I don't agree they should try and guilt you but I'm not sure it is inappropriate to ask whether, in this context, you would be willing to make an exception.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 27-Sep-13 09:08:07

She should not have asked. This is your decision to make.

I wouldn't mind personally, but that is not the issue. You clearly do and you have the right to say no.

Sirzy Fri 27-Sep-13 09:08:45

She asked, you said no. It would only become a problem if she continued asking IMO.

Trills Fri 27-Sep-13 09:09:30

I don't think it would be unreasonable of the school to talk to parents who have said "no photos" about exactly what it is that they object to, in order to distinguish between different levels of privacy required.

It shouldn't be done at the school gate though.

RedPencils Fri 27-Sep-13 09:09:44

I wouldn't have a problem with the teacher asking at all. She doesn't know your reasons.

Just say no, if she applies any more pressure than speak to the head.

cfc Fri 27-Sep-13 09:10:21

YABU. She was just asking. You said no. End of.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 27-Sep-13 09:10:37

I don't see the problem with them asking unless they are aware there is a specific child protection issue, but you are within your rights to say no. I'd say they have asked you about it so that you can judge the appropriateness of this on its own, as a separate thing to all photos fan videos being used on the net or in local papers or whatever.

If you are that determined that you don't want your dc on the Internet, you could ask that their faces are blurred. Maybe you could see the video yourself before deciding.

ISolemnlySwearThatIAmUptoNoGoo Fri 27-Sep-13 09:17:12

I don't see a problem with her asking. You might have changed r mind, it sounds like the other parents who previously said no did.
If she asks again then I would be annoyed.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 27-Sep-13 09:22:02

I do see an issue with her asking.

Its a form of pressure and if you add the cp exclusion its like saying we are going to pressure you about a matter that shoud be 100% your choice unless you have a reason we agree with.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 27-Sep-13 09:23:41

The teacher was putting pressure on. All the other parents have said yes - it is just you!

quoteunquote Fri 27-Sep-13 09:24:24

It is incredibly unfair for her to of wanted to put this on the web, for public view, when she was aware that there were children in the video who have the no photo clause,

I would have a chat with the head, as if you are the only one left that is preventing the video being shared, expect some backlash from disappointed children and parents, which always happens in some sort of way.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 27-Sep-13 09:24:31

I have been in this situation as a teacher and just had to suck it up.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 27-Sep-13 09:28:18

So say no.

The teacher should have thought about this before planning the activity, if posting the film was important to her. She could have run and filmed part of the activity with only 'publishable' children.

Finola1step Fri 27-Sep-13 09:28:25

She shouldn't have asked. You do not need to explain your decision. In my school we have a number of families who have refused permission for photos and videos for all sorts of reasons. It's quite simple. If you make a video or take photos, make sure the children in question are out of shot. Then all are happy.

It sounds like to me that this teacher may not have been aware of who she did or did not have permission for. Or if she did, then she didn't think it through. It's your decision and do not feel pressurised into changing that.

WestmorlandSausage Fri 27-Sep-13 09:29:01

would you be willing to have a look at the video before saying no outright to see just how much your DC is in it or if there actually are any clear shots of them in it?

SilverApples Fri 27-Sep-13 09:31:13

Just say no.
YABU about being cross she asked you, I'm having a flashback to that odd thread where a mother had insisted her child had no part in all that Godshit and was then cross they weren't in the Christmas production.
Lots of posters said that she should have been personally approached by the teacher to check if that's what she really meant.

JammieCodger Fri 27-Sep-13 09:31:41

What's the harm in her asking? You can, and have, said no. I don't see what the issue is at all. You were only the 'last man standing' by virtue of being the last person she asked. If she's asked you, you'd said no and then she'd come back to you after she'd got yesses from the others then you'd have a point, as it is, YABU.

NoMoreMadCatLady Fri 27-Sep-13 09:32:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary Fri 27-Sep-13 09:33:12

I don't see the harm in her asking. But say no if you don't want it posted. Why should a video with your child appearing in it be permanently on the web for everyone to see if you don't want this. I agree. Say no.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 27-Sep-13 09:35:24

" a video of the whole class made during a recent topic"
Parental preferences were known before this video was made, so some effort to NOT video those children could have been made, and the video editted post-filming to ensure those children were not in shot. Instead, the teacher is trying to guilt you into changing your preferences to suit herself.

Not only would I be saying no, but I'd be making these points to the headteacher, and possibly the governors.

And the teacher is probably using the 'you're the last' arguement with ALL the parents she is approaching.

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