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To think turning up early is just as rude as being late ?

(64 Posts)
Primadonnagirl Sun 22-Sep-13 19:58:02

My PIL do this all the time...and it drives me up the wall! So today we said come at a certain time and they turned up twenty minutes early ...we were still getting dressed ( not cos we'd just got up but cos we'd both just been to the gym) they had cats bum faces cos we weren't ready and they clearly thought we were just lazing around....why why do they do this?!

pozzled Sun 22-Sep-13 20:00:24

Yanbu, but it does depend how far away people live. E.g. three hour journey, but traffic is good so arrive 20 min early- fine. Live just around the corner and just decide to arrive 20 min early- rude.

SilverApples Sun 22-Sep-13 20:00:29

People who are early annoy and disrupt me far more than people that are an hour late, even if they are polite and lovely and bearing wine.
If they were snarky, I'd leave them on the doorstep.

AllTwerkNoPlay Sun 22-Sep-13 20:01:18

Yes! I come from a family where you'd queue on the flat stairs, drive around the block a billion times and obsessively check your watch and ALWAYS arrive on the dot. I'm not like that but I think arriving early when presumably the hosts aren't properly ready yet is rude.

For DD's dad's family, I know to tell them a time approximate 1hr15mins or so AFTER the time I want. They a,ways arrive way too early.angry

sonlypuppyfat Sun 22-Sep-13 20:01:54

Nothing wrong with being early wish my mates were!

ChoudeBruxelles Sun 22-Sep-13 20:02:35

My pil do that too - drives me mad. They will sometimes arrive up to a hour early so I'm in the middle things - then expect me to drop whatever I'm doing and make them a cuppa

Sirzy Sun 22-Sep-13 20:03:00

how far away do they live?

cardibach Sun 22-Sep-13 20:05:28

I don't think it is rude as such (while lateness definitely is) - it is annoying though. Although I am always ready early anyway, so not an issue for me.

CustardOmlet Sun 22-Sep-13 20:06:05

I don't mind people being early (far better than them being late and diner/reservations ruined) but I would be pissed off it they gave me cats arse faces, they can entertain themselves until I'm ready.

HildaOgden Sun 22-Sep-13 20:07:40


You really need to ask yourself why you are being so precious over 20 minutes...they are family,you knew they were coming,don't get your knickers in a twist.All you had to do was say'oh,you're a bit early,we'll be ready soon' and leave them to it.

Honestly,you really don't need to be a Time Nazi when you're dealing with people in your personal life.In the grand scheme of things,being pedantic over stuff like that just causes you totally unnecessary stress.

However,if you still think you're right,then make sure to sychronise your watches the next time.Nothing like tightly scheduled appointments to make a family occasion happier hmm

FreeWee Sun 22-Sep-13 20:08:17

My mum does this so I just plan for it. Having said that she's surprised me with being 45 minutes early and even a few minutes late once!

SilveryMoon Sun 22-Sep-13 20:08:42

I'd much prefer people to be early than late. But they'd have to accept that they might have to then wait around a bit

claraschu Sun 22-Sep-13 20:09:34

I think that with family I wouldn't want to be so formal! I wouldn't mind if my parents, sibling, or children showed up early, or even unannounced. They wouldn't expect me to be "ready" for them, or to entertain them.

BlueGoddess Sun 22-Sep-13 20:09:43

Oh I'm with you, particularly after the Christmas I was happily peeling sprouts in my pj's and FIL turned up two hours early with his friend (who I had never met but had invited as I knew they would otherwise be by themselves!) confused

DipMeInChocolate Sun 22-Sep-13 20:10:57

My PIL do this all time too! At least 30mins. I can't complain cos they so very nicely look after DD when I go to work. I leave at 7.45 but they usually arrive before 7. Mornings are mental enough around here.

Primadonnagirl Sun 22-Sep-13 20:11:08

They live a good hour away so I do understand they can't necessarily arrive on time ..but believe me 20 minutes early was LATE for them today...and it's not so much the turning up early that bothers me its all the dtheatrical sighing that gies on because we are not ready the exact minute of their arrival. When we go to theirs if we are early we dawdle until we turn up on time...

TheBookofRuth Sun 22-Sep-13 20:13:01

Yes! I'm always saying this! If you say you'll be round at 10, I will be ready at 10. If you come at five to, I'm likely to be finishing my make up, or doing the last minute tidy up, or something - the point is I have planned for those five minutes and I need them, damn it!

Being early says, just as clearly as being late does, that you think your time is more important than mine, and therefore it's equally rude.

AaDB Sun 22-Sep-13 20:13:31

Yanbu. 20 mins early they should be willing to pitch in and get themselves (and you) a drink. Huffy attitudes are not welcome.

dementedma Sun 22-Sep-13 20:13:36

Early isn't as rude as late
I am early for every business meeting I go to but sit in the car until nearer the appointed time. Late just inconveniences everyone. Early birds know they are early and can be justifiably left to cool their heels.

Sirzy Sun 22-Sep-13 20:13:57

If they live over an hour away then YABU.

If you know they will be early then why not tell them to turn up later than you expect them to (so if you will be ready for 11 tell them 12) or just be ready for them to be early?

CharityFunDay Sun 22-Sep-13 20:16:16

Turning up early is fine.

Turning up early and expecting other people to be ready at the same time is not.

YABslightlyU but that's because you've had an unfortunate experience with self-centred people.

If I turn up early somewhere, which I should add seldom happens, I read the paper/have a fag/stretch my legs/have a pint/whatever until the appointed time.

londonrach Sun 22-Sep-13 20:16:46

Simple Being late is rude.

mamapants Sun 22-Sep-13 20:25:15

Being early isn't as rude as being late. That's just silly.

mamapants Sun 22-Sep-13 20:27:01

Plus I'd be mortified at the thought of family parked up round the corner for 20mins so as not to be early.

LittlePicnic Sun 22-Sep-13 20:31:13

I am rarely early; usually late. I would never have thought being early would be a problem or seen as rude. Incredible what you can learn on here.

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