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To think that returning to work after three months is not that unusual?

(65 Posts)
Caff2 Mon 19-Aug-13 22:39:41

I did with both of mine, because I couldn't afford not to after the maternity pay went down a lot. A friend of mine seems to have forgotten I did this, and has just had her first, and is slagging off a member of her ante natal group with phrases like, "Why did she even have a child if she couldn't wait to get rid of him to a childminder?"

I love my children, I do my best for them, but both were in childcare whilst I worked full time from 10 weeks and fourteen weeks respectively.

FannyFifer Mon 19-Aug-13 22:40:51

I don't know anyone that returned to work that early.

thebody Mon 19-Aug-13 22:41:04

your friend is a twat.

Caff2 Mon 19-Aug-13 22:41:11

You do now! Me! smile

Sirzy Mon 19-Aug-13 22:42:26

I think it is unusual to go back to work so soon. Even so it's not for anyone else to judge - every family does what is best for them.

TylerHopkins Mon 19-Aug-13 22:42:37

My work colleague plans to come back after 3 months. She needs the money. Other people should just butt out and mind their own business.

TheTruffleHunter Mon 19-Aug-13 22:42:58

I went back after 8 weeks but then I didn't have any choice as DH & I are self employed sad

Trying not to be envious of the rest of my NCT group's daily FB updates...

AKissIsNotAContract Mon 19-Aug-13 22:43:10

I know a couple of people who returned to work after 2 weeks. They still love their kids and one of them breastfed for a year.

chickenschicken Mon 19-Aug-13 22:44:16

Cousin did this, they couldn't pay their mortgage otherwise. I'm sure her kids appreciate the roof over their heads!

dreamingbohemian Mon 19-Aug-13 22:44:21

Where I live (France) maternity leave is only 12 weeks so it's entirely normal.

The phrase 'why did she even have children' really needs to be banned.

gallicgirl Mon 19-Aug-13 22:44:44

Nor me but I work in public sector. I did talk to a woman working at Lakeside who had to return to work after 5 weeks due to financial circumstances.

So YANexactlyBU but your friend is being unsympathetic to other people's circumstances.

TheUnsinkableTitanic Mon 19-Aug-13 22:44:45

i was like you Caff - couldn't have afforded to stay off any great length of time

i am very lucky in that my DH has a flexible job (as do i) and our childminder was across the street for the times we needed her smile

Xmasbaby11 Mon 19-Aug-13 22:45:30

It is unusual in the UK, but needs must. It's easy for those with pots of money / high earning partners to sit back and judge. It is hard enough making parenting decisions without being criticised by so called friends.

Caff2 Mon 19-Aug-13 22:45:40

My partner went back after ten days, and no one suggested he didn't love his children. And we have the same job (well, you know, two jobs in the same profession, we're not sharing one) at the same pay level.

She just (unintentionally I'm sure) made me feel a bit upset.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 19-Aug-13 22:47:38

I think it is quite unusual now and usually to do with finances rather actual desire to, as you have said yourself.

Doesn't make it wrong. Doing what is best for ones family can mean going back to work earlier than average if finances will suffer. Need money to feed and clothe children after all.

Your friend is an idiot for bad mouthing somebody for having to make that choice.

chattychattyboomba Mon 19-Aug-13 22:48:48

Very unusual.

Caff2 Mon 19-Aug-13 22:50:31

Well, a mix of replies. I have to go to bed now, really up too late, I've just seen the time! But at least I'm not entirely alone!

thebody Mon 19-Aug-13 22:54:06

I was a cm and had babies from 6 weeks to 18 months post mat leave.

all thrived and all were from loving homes. all had us as a second family ( me dh and 4 dss) but absolutely knew who were there first family. kids are fine if surrounded by love and good child care.

people need to mind their own business.

FaddyPeony Mon 19-Aug-13 22:54:51

Would have been normal in my mother's day. And is normal in places like France and the US.

I went back part-time when dd was 17 weeks. Worked out really well for us both.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 19-Aug-13 22:54:55

I think most people here think your mate is an arse for judging OP.

3 months is more unusual than it was when I was born (late 80's) but y'know needs must. And for much the same reasons now as they were then.

Don't feel bad about yourself for making that choice. My mum went back to work when I was 3 months old and I don't harbour any resentment. Nor do I think I suffered for it. As I said, your mate is an arse.

thebody Mon 19-Aug-13 22:56:13

to add, as a cm it's not unusual at all.

TheUnstoppableWindmill Mon 19-Aug-13 22:56:47

Definitely not alone. I think 3 months is usual in the US too, though perhaps less usual here. I went back pt after 3 1/2 months due to new job opportunity I just couldn't afford to miss. Still breastfeeding and loving both work and motherhood a year on. Your friend was being foolish/thoughtless. I have a couple of friends who went back ft after 4 months for financial reasons- and my mum went back to be a full time teacher after 7 weeks with my older brother!

thebody Mon 19-Aug-13 22:57:52

to add, as a cm it's not unusual at all.

Clayhanger Mon 19-Aug-13 23:00:50

Having a year off is a recent thing! My DC were born in the 90s and the option wasn't there really. I took 3 months off for each plus the next 3 months part-time. Worked fine for us as DH and I shared pick-ups equally. Also, in hindsight it made it easier to continue having a career. Do what you need to and don't listen to your 'friend'.

HappyJustToBe Mon 19-Aug-13 23:03:03

So how long are you supposed to have off before she deems your procreation worthwhile, I wonder.

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