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To think you don't gate crash someone's dinner party?

(40 Posts)
FuckingWonderwoman Sat 03-Aug-13 13:38:31

OK, dinner party sounds a bit poncey, but I had everyone in my office round for dinner the other night. It was specifically for my team, no spouses, partners or whatever. I have a friend who works in the same building but in a different office, who wasn't invited to the dinner (she comes round quite often for drinks/dinner etc anyway) as she has nothing to do with us, workwise. Anyhoo, she bumped into some of my colleagues on the way out. They said they were coming to mine. She said, oh great, I'll come too, I've got nothing else on. She texted me and said "FYI I'm crashing your dinner." Unfortunately I didn't pick up the text until about 30 seconds before she arrived, so I couldn't say, no you're fucking not.

I was extremely pissed off about this, and was a bit frosty with her (but she is quite thick skinned, so probably wouldn't have guessed), but AIBU to think that this is really bad manners, and something you just don't do? I mean, if I had wanted her to come, I'd have asked her, FGS.

mameulah Sat 03-Aug-13 13:41:56

I agree. YANBU!

GetStuffezd Sat 03-Aug-13 13:48:05

That's so cringey! Why did she think that was ok???

CaptainSweatPants Sat 03-Aug-13 13:50:39

ha ha

she obviously thought you wouldn't mind

flipchart Sat 03-Aug-13 13:54:59

I'm guessing she thought it was an casual do and as she often comes around anyway it wouldn't make any difference if she came as well.
I wouldn't have done it.

BackforGood Sat 03-Aug-13 13:56:51

Well I agree with you, but you want to read how 'entitled' bad mannered people are on some of the wedding threads - it just beggars belief some people's lack of manners.

FuckingWonderwoman Sat 03-Aug-13 13:57:49

Captain, I think you're right - she really didn't think I would mind!

AnnabelleLee Sat 03-Aug-13 13:58:28

You were " a bit frosty with her"? Why didn't you say what are you doing here, you weren't invited? I wouldn't have let her in.

Doubtfuldaphne Sat 03-Aug-13 13:58:54

Grrr how rude! If it was drinks, yes. But dinner!
What did the others think?
I'd steer clear of her in future. She doesn't sound that nice anyway.

InTheRedCorner Sat 03-Aug-13 14:01:20

Weird behaviour and really rude.

FuckingWonderwoman Sat 03-Aug-13 14:03:18

Annabelle - I guess I was just being very "English" and non-confrontational. And as everyone was arriving, I didn't quite feel I could say "Why are you here?" I think it would have been embarrassing all round and possibly would have put a damper on the drunken frivolity ambiance.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 03-Aug-13 14:06:08

This is a bit sad. She clearly thinks you're close enough for you not to mind.

I have one or two friends who would do this - and I would do it to them too.

Anyone not close, rude definitely.

FuckingWonderwoman Sat 03-Aug-13 14:09:45

I would have minded less if it had been a group of friends - but then she would probably have been invited anyway. It was the fact that it was an exclusively work related dinner that made me seethe.

BackforGood Sat 03-Aug-13 14:10:23

I'd have gone for - 'Sorry, I can't see you tonight, we're having a Team get together - I'll give you a ring and we'll set something up'.
Not rude on your part at all - you were already doing something with a group of people that had a defined "criteria" if you like.

lougle Sat 03-Aug-13 14:16:24

She didn't know that though, did she? It's her fault she didn't know, but it's not as if she was told and came anyway.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 03-Aug-13 14:17:41

I think you need to work to tighten the boundaries of this friendship. No doubt she thought it would be ok, but it wasn't. She needs to know that she cannot crash any of your gatherings. If you want her there she will be invited.

kilmuir Sat 03-Aug-13 14:20:49

cheeky mare

YouStayClassySanDiego Sat 03-Aug-13 14:23:58

How bloody rude!

When you opened the door what did you say other than 'why are you here'

FuckingWonderwoman Sat 03-Aug-13 14:25:13

She did know it was a work related dinner! The colleagues that she bumped into when she was leaving the building told her - they were apologetic to me that she had tagged along, and had said that it was a team dinner, but she didn't seem to think it would be a problem!

FuckingWonderwoman Sat 03-Aug-13 14:27:07

DH opened the door and said "Fancy seeing you here... this is FW's team dinner." She said "Yeah, I know, I've tagged along, her cooking's great and I didn't want to miss out." (I was in the kitchen.)


Gruntfuttock Sat 03-Aug-13 14:33:21

Well if she was that bloody brazen about it I like to think that I would have told her she couldn't "tag along".

flipchart Sat 03-Aug-13 14:38:01

I honestly think she saw it as a work/friends social thing which she is and hadn't realised it was a team only thing.

Let it go.

YouStayClassySanDiego Sat 03-Aug-13 14:39:06

I never cease to be amazed by the brass neck shown by some people.

What was the atmosphere like round the table and did she bring a bottle?

FuckingWonderwoman Sat 03-Aug-13 14:42:16

She didn't bring a bottle, but she drank one.

I am letting it go, Flipchart. But she was told quite specifically that it was a team event.

oldgrandmama Sat 03-Aug-13 14:50:23

Crikey, what a bloody cheek! Thick skinned? Her skin must be like that of a rhinoceros (sorry to any rhinoceroses reading this - I'm sure you never gatecrash dinner parties round the watering-hole). I've have been LIVID. It wasn't just a get-together, with drinks, nibbles, bits and pieces, it was a DINNER PARTY! And a team even and none of her bloody business. You are right to be hacked off.

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