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To refuse to visit PIL until they train their dog?

(50 Posts)
KingRollo Sun 28-Jul-13 14:32:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3littlefrogs Sun 28-Jul-13 14:36:01

Do not visit their house.

Do not allow them to visit you with their dog.

Their was a thread on here a while ago about a child and mum who were attacked and injured by a dog belonging to the paternal GP.

Untrained, unsocialised dogs revert to wild behaviour. Do not put your child at risk.

They are clearly completely blind to reality and therefore completely unreliable in terms of keeping their dog under control.

KingRollo Sun 28-Jul-13 14:40:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zatyaballerina Sun 28-Jul-13 14:40:15

yanbu, your pil are idiots, that poor dog could end up being put down if he bit a child in public causing serious damage and all because they're bad dog owners. Tbh I'd call the rspca. Not training a dog properly is animal cruelty, not to mention a danger to others. Explain that to them and tell them that your daughters safety is more important than indulging their arrogance. They can visit you without the dog until he is properly trained. If they can't be arsed, stay away.

PuppyMonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 14:43:36

Don't visit them. No brainer.

Ezio Sun 28-Jul-13 14:47:20

Zatya is right, if the dog attacks and injures then it will be put down, they'll be no other option.

zipzap Sun 28-Jul-13 14:47:40

I would start out resolute but not combative to start with. So if the come to visit you make them put the dog outside (easier in the summer to start with as well) or if they ask you to theirs then ask if they'll put the dog out. If they won't just say that no worries, you'll come another day. And repeat.

At some point they will realise that that are not seeing you so you will have to make it explicit that they have to choose between seeing their dgc and the dog being trained and/or locked out. Or dog stays in, they don't see dgc.

If I'd been the parent of the girl bitten on the shoe by the dog I would be furious - would have taken name and address of owner and reported to the police (or dog warden or council or who do you report dogs to these days?). Bit late this time but if something like that happens again, slip the person a note with the pil's details and get them to report it. If they get a visit from the local police worried about dog safety they might take it more seriously...

Beastofburden Sun 28-Jul-13 14:49:14

Agree, your house only, and without the dog. End of. Let them have their big row/tantrum, it will make them realise that their DGC is more important than their dog.

HeySoulSister Sun 28-Jul-13 14:49:25

Who trained your own dog? Maybe offer them the same?

NulliusInBlurba Sun 28-Jul-13 15:02:43

kingRollo, you're in Germany, aren't you? Are your PIL Germans? With older Germans it's always a good option to go down the route of legal obligation (ie 'I don't want to have to take this radical step of reporting you, but I'm legally obliged to as a law-abiding citizen'). So you could say you've been advised by the Jugendamt that allowing your DD to come into contact with a dog that might bite would be a 'Verletzung der Fürsorgepflicht'.

Do your PIL have Haftpflichtversicherung for their dog? Warn them that if their dog causes any damage to your DD (or you) requiring medical treatment you will be obliged to disclose how the injuries came about and they will then by chased for the money by your Krankenkasse.

The obvious short-term solution is that the dog wears a Maulkorb whenever it's in public or anywhere near your family (obviously the better solution would be to get the poor mutt properly trained - I have zero patience with owners who don't recognise the importance of training for dogs).

"If they get a visit from the local police worried about dog safety they might take it more seriously." - one of the problems with dogs here in Germany is that it tends to be regarded as a civil matter, or a misdemeanor at best. The fine for leaving dog shit lying around is paltry, just a few euros, and (minor) dog attacks tend to be dealt with at the civil level of awarding compensation to the victim rather than a criminal prosecution - hence the importance of insurance against the risk of being sued.

KingRollo Sun 28-Jul-13 15:03:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Montybojangles Sun 28-Jul-13 15:07:47

If it were a Rottweiler would they have the same attitude to it's aggression?

Just because it's a smaller, cuter dog doesn't mean it's any less in need of training.

Get a dog crate for them, if they come to yours or you to theirs, they need to put the dog in it. Or they train it.

KingRollo Sun 28-Jul-13 15:10:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beastofburden Sun 28-Jul-13 15:14:47

Get another babysitter. They need to realise that the dog will get in the way of their relationship with their gc.

Sounds as if PIL dominates both is wife and his son, you may have to persevere a bit here.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 28-Jul-13 15:15:25


I have a dog which sounds very much like your pPIL dog.

I am training mine but its not working much! However if we're out where there's people about then he's muzzled. If people come to our house then he's muzzled and on his lead. We have tried crating him but he's not keen on the crate.

Dackyduddles Sun 28-Jul-13 15:17:38

Quite simply most dog attacks are by known animals in family situations. Google dog attacks and you will see what I mean. It's not worth becoming front page news is it?

Yanbu. Don't do it.

Quaffle Sun 28-Jul-13 15:26:25

YANBU at all.

YABU to allow your DD to "touch and stroke your dog not very gently". The fact the dog is tolerant is absolutely no excuse. One day the dog won't tolerate it and you'll only have yourselves to blame.

KingRollo Sun 28-Jul-13 15:30:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominsYonisAreScary Sun 28-Jul-13 15:41:34

Ds2 was bitten by a dog in a local beer garden, his am was carrying him past and it ran out from under the table and bit his leg.

I told it's owner he should take it home and not have it out in noisy public places, it was obviously anxious and stressed by all the noise

Don't go round and don't let it in your house

Solopower1 Sun 28-Jul-13 15:51:43

YNBU at all! I wouldn't leave PILs, plus dog plus baby, alone together.

I've also noticed that so many of these dog attacks do tend to happen in grandparents' houses. I sometimes wonder if it's about more than the dog. Maybe something to do with accepting you as parents in your own right and not just their children any more?

As a (fairly new) gp myself, I have caught myself thinking along the lines of 'I know best' but I always stamp on it. I don't know best when it comes to someone else's children!

I have also realised that my famous 'instincts', which saved my own kids from so many accidents, major and minor, do not work automatically with my grand children - not until I have spent several days with them, at least. Also, I am simply not as able to move fast enough to whip a toddler out of danger as I used to be.

So YANBU for all those reasons. But I would not refuse to see your child's gps, just make sure you are inches behind DD at all times. Not very restful for you, but totally unavoidable, imo, if you decide to go the route of non-confrontation.

I wish, as I always do in these cases, that the adult whose parents these are would confront the issue.

KingRollo Sun 28-Jul-13 16:02:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Solopower1 Sun 28-Jul-13 16:12:16

Hope it all goes well for you, and that you continue to get on well with your PILs. smile

Dorris83 Sun 28-Jul-13 16:37:17

YANBU this must be a very frustrating situation as it doesn't sound like your DH or PILs are taking your concerns seriously.

I think the pp who said that you need to be hard line and factual with them are correct.

There is no being polite or conciliatory when it concerns the safety of your baby so you will have to stop going over until they will control the dog.

Honestly I don't think any amount of dog training will mean that you will feel more comfortable about having your DD there. PILs need to create a solution where the dog is shut away or in a crate when DD is visiting, or you can't visit... Simple as that.

Sorry kingrollo it's not a good situation.

MikeOxard Sun 28-Jul-13 17:20:03

You're mad to consider leaving your baby with them. Don't visit them and don't allow the dog to visit you. If it causes a big fight, that's a fight worth having - clearly your baby is at risk.

Whothefuckfarted Sun 28-Jul-13 17:30:38


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