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To go to a nightclub on my own as I have no friends

(38 Posts)
exmrs Thu 25-Jul-13 23:24:15

I'm 33 just got out of abusive marriage, I have no confidence no self esteem and no friends. I have always struggled socially and I feel Quite happy on my own every night but I have a young son and feel I should make an effort to go out and socialise as my son is quite introverted. I like music and would be going to re live a bit of my youth as I married young but would people think I'm strange going out on my own? I'm not going to trap off I just want to have some fun for a change

RobotBananas Thu 25-Jul-13 23:28:10

I go to gigs on my own, used to go to clubs too. Have met some great people smile

pod3030 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:28:49

Maybe go to a gig rather than a nightclub. it has a focus and less pressure I would say.
Nightclubs can be a bit meat market-y and gigs will ease you in gently to the social world. Plus you will meet people into the same music as you.
Good luck!

qazxc Thu 25-Jul-13 23:29:40

no i used to out on my own all the time. it's rather liberating to throw shapes on the dance floor knowing that it doesn't matter what you look like because you don't know anyone. Just take care of yourself getting home safe.

littleginger Thu 25-Jul-13 23:30:00

I know people who do it but have never done it myself. If i met someone in aclub who was out on their own i wouldnt automatically think that they were odd unless they were odd

I wouldnt be able to enjoy myself in a club without being totally rat arsed (very unwise to do when no one is looking out for you) or with friends though.

Id say go for it if its crap then you dont have to bother again. Just keep your wits about you (and dont get rat arsed)!

RobotBananas Thu 25-Jul-13 23:30:41

Yy, gigs will be more social and less meat market. Morellikely to find like-minded people too.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Thu 25-Jul-13 23:32:43

Disclaimer: haven't been to a club for a millionty years a while since.
TBH it's not somewhere I'd choose to go. Too busy. Too loud. And I can't get into modern music blush


Even try some online dating/friends type meetings...then go to a club as a group?

Boreoff Thu 25-Jul-13 23:33:16

I think its fab that you want to live your life and have some fun. Have you tried meeting friends others ways, hobbies, gym, dating site? Are you happy to go alone to a club?

NotAsTired Thu 25-Jul-13 23:33:47

Maybe join a club like "spice"? (I think that's what it is called.) it's a social group thing where they do lots of different activities including going clubbing.

FreudiansSlipper Thu 25-Jul-13 23:34:14

why not join city socializer they hold events for single people to go along and make new friends

my friend has done it and made a few nice friends tempted myself as is always going out now

BustyDeLaGhetto Thu 25-Jul-13 23:36:41

I love going out on my own although don't get the chance to do it much anymore <sideways look at DD> At the weekend I went for a full moon swim at the Lido all by myself and then went for coffee with myself afterwards. I am literally my favourite company and I always get a round in.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 25-Jul-13 23:37:23

I go to all sorts on my own: gigs, shows, concerts, plays, galleries, fairs, talks, bars, restaurants, etc.

But I wouldn't go to a night club on my own: too seedy without safety in numbers.

Go to a gig that has the kind of music you want to dance to.

PosyNarker Thu 25-Jul-13 23:38:17

If you're just going going for the music don't see why not. Would choose club carefully. Not because of age (we're of an age) but there are clubs where I live that I go to with younger friends (and feel old gimmer - have been approached as an 'older lady'), some of which are total meat market and others where they are a bit more about music and having a laugh.

Would second others comments re gigs.

thebody Thu 25-Jul-13 23:41:59

can you not make friends via your sons friends? is he at nursery or cm/ school?

dontyouwantmebaby Thu 25-Jul-13 23:42:07

no I don't think people would find you strange going out on your own. do what you have to do OP.

after abusive relationships, you just have to do what is right for you!

(FWIW i moved in with someone at 17 and found myself on my own again at 26, really didn't know where to turn after years of abuse, resulting in v.low self-esteem.) If I could tell my 26 year old self not to worry and just start going out again alone, I would!

dontyouwantmebaby Thu 25-Jul-13 23:45:11

ps saying that I find that people quite often meet like-minded new friends after coming out of abusive relationships (even when they're not esp fussed about making new friendships) so you never know, you might find someone to go clubbing with for same reasons as you! good luck!

missingmumxox Thu 25-Jul-13 23:55:47

I hate night clubs even when I was younger, but I would not think it odd.
I am married a still do things in my own (or children in tow) which most my other friends in partnerships would not consider. For instance I am on holiday at the moment with my children. I go out for meals, the cinema etc on my own I love it, still do.
I would also add, that I did this because I can and will, sound like you still need permission, hense the post, you don't,
If you lack friends join clubs, I have wanted to join the WI since I was 26 ...sad but true, life has got in the way of that.
As a carer and then mum.(dh works away)
Making friends whatever age they maybe opens your horizons. Years ago me and Dh used to sit and keep a couple in their mid and late 90,s company and walk them home in a Friday might, they where great company, real fun sadly dead now, through them we meet a couple in their 70's really amazingly interesting people and real friends, sadly the dh, has dementia now but me and his dw meet up for a drink and laugh, through them I have a great friend in her 30's with children my children's age.
Ditto being careful, but that stands to reason.

Basically do what you feel is right for you, and have fun you are only 33 for a short time

zatyaballerina Thu 25-Jul-13 23:58:57

Nightclubs are full of drunks looking for sex, probably the worst place to go in your position tbh. You'll be too vulnerable alone, it will mark you out as weird to some, easy prey to others.

The first thing is to find friends, the best places to meet genuine people are those where people go to meet others, places where others share similar interests or to expand their own interests. Gym, book club, kayaking club, pilates, walking club, tai chi, language classes, rock climbing, zumba, learn a musical instrument....whatever you can get interested in. You could try internet dating or meeting people through meet up sites but tbh I'd try the real life alternatives first to get you used to people and get a bit of confidence.

There are a lot of creeps on the net and you sound a bit vulnerable, meeting people in a group setting where there's no immediate focus on you lessens the chances of unwanted attention and allows you the room to develop at your own pace.

Mumsyblouse Fri 26-Jul-13 00:03:25

I think you might be better off finding some friends first before wandering into clubs on your own, because your bullshit antenna might not be working perfectly after a long time out of the nightclub game and good friends will act as your antenna and help you out if you get into difficulties. There's been loads of ideas on here- meet up through MNlocal, kids friends mums. go to gigs where you might meet like-minded people and so on. I would try to build up that side of things first I think rather than going straight into the nightclub scene which may not be that friendly or at least in a way that is going to help your confidence at this stage.

Sorry to be the party pooper, but having got out of one abusive marriage, you want to make sure the next set of people you meet really have your best interests at heart.

Mumsyblouse Fri 26-Jul-13 00:03:54

zatya crossed posts, I completely agree with this.

Angelfootprints Fri 26-Jul-13 00:08:13

I dont think its a good idea op. I used to love clubbing pre- dcs but most of the men I met were not exactly nice. I know your not looking for a man as such but as someone said above, most are drunk and looking for a shag not friendship and fun.

I really do think I saw men at their worst in nightclubs.

Thats not what you need right now.

I think something calmer were you can meet people in better circumstances would be best tbh.

Angelfootprints Fri 26-Jul-13 00:11:40

Plus, if you are doing this to teach your son to socialise to be honest.... I don't really see how getting a babysitter while you go out would particularity help? It would be great if you could find some parents with children around his age to have fun days out with.

ZillionChocolate Fri 26-Jul-13 08:37:03

What about a dance class? Might be a way of combining your love of dancing with meeting some new people.

Nothing wrong with you going to a club alone, I just think it might be crap.

KateCroydon Fri 26-Jul-13 08:44:10

Why not, as long as you choose club well? Gay or gay friendly could be good (I'm assuming you are a mature adult who wouldn't gawp) as could a lindy-hop rockabilly type place. Anything that's less likely to attract sleazy straight men.

Pigsmummy Fri 26-Jul-13 08:59:20

I found myself single with few friends in a big city. Gay clubs are very friendly, I used to pop into one on my own frequently and now have long term friends whom I met there. My best friend and god father to my DD is the partner of a random I started chatting to in a gay club many years ago. I might be biased (as I have great memories) but the music is great and less risk of meeting a player. Maybe give that a go? Salsa clubs are fun too.

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