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AIBU to go on holiday?

(155 Posts)

I have a DS, 2.7yrs. I live with DP who is not DS's Dad.

We got offered the use of an apartment in a few weeks in Portugal, a freebie from one of DP's friends. So we only have to pay for flights. It's going to be for 7 nights.

Apartment is in a quiet village, quite a way from the airport, and is in a private complex that isn't full of holiday lets, but generally where people live/ have second homes.

We decided it wasn't really the kind of holiday to take DS on, as we wouldn't be doing much, and that it would give us a chance to relax and get a break, so I have arranged for DS to stay with my parents.

DS hero worships my dad, and they help me out with childcare while I work, so I have no qualms about how he will be looked after, or that he won't enjoy it. My Mom won't be working at the time, and they have plans to spend some time with my sister and niece and take him on a day trip on a train. smile

Ex has gotten wind of it and has made a couple of comments along the lines of him not being able to believe I am 'dumping' DS to go on holiday on my own, and how selfish it is. Also a friend's reaction was that she couldn't leave her DC for that long and won't I worry/ miss him.

Well of course I will miss him! But I know him and his grandparents are going to have a lovely time!

AIBU to go on holiday for a week without him????

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 21:54:12

No you're not. Have a great time.

You know your ds will have fun too.

Edendance Thu 25-Jul-13 21:55:33

No! Do it! There's absolutely no reason not to go. Your ex's opinion is invalid as chances are he won't have your best interests at heart and he also may not realise how close your son is to your parents.

You are the Mother, listen to your gut.

mumblechum1 Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:30

YANBU at all. The only thing that kept me sane when mine were little (DS1 had really serious disabilities), was leaving them for a week plus a couple of long weekends with my parents every year while DH and I went away and blobbed by a pool to recuperate.

Your friend sounds envious tbh.

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 21:59:02

I wouldn't go on holiday without my DS as that's what a holiday is about for me - being together as a family. But that's just me and I'm not being judgy - I know others do it, but it wouldn't really occur to me to do it

katiecubs Thu 25-Jul-13 22:00:46

No - enjoy!!


Mumblechum - that's exactly why we are doing it. We both work away from home with long commutes, stressful jobs, and DS hasn't been sleeping well lately. I guess I just saw it as a way to rest and recuperate!

Holidaybug - do you get some 'time off' from being a mum in other ways then? Or do you not do it/ feel the need?

HarrietSchulenberg Thu 25-Jul-13 22:02:20

YANBU - your DS is not being "dumped" as he's having an enjoyable holiday too!

applepieinthesky Thu 25-Jul-13 22:03:31

YANBU if that's what you want to do. I wouldn't personally but I know plenty of people that do.

guiltyconscience Thu 25-Jul-13 22:03:56

I can never understand how a mother can leave her children for any length of time. It seems so unbelievably selfish. You work op so isn't every available moment with your ds precious and unmissable? I'm sorry op and I suspect I will be flamed to hell and back but I think yabu, take him with you.

So I take it the V's I flicked at the phone in response to Ex's comments were entirely justified??? smile

McNewPants2013 Thu 25-Jul-13 22:06:15

I couldn't leave my DC for that long, but if you feel you can then go for it.

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 22:06:27

Well, I work so I get time off then smile But DH often works away for weeks at a time so then I am full on a single parent. We get the standard amount of holidays so our holidays are precious as a family.

caramelwaffle Thu 25-Jul-13 22:06:56


Guilty.... I'm guessing that you are of the same mind as my friend.

I do work part time, and I do spend a fair amount of quality time with DS too. I do on occasion feel guilty about not being able to spend more time with him, but then I also do get a lot more time than some.

I probably wouldn't have thought about it all this time last year, but in the last year he has become such a little independent person.... I guess I felt it wouldn't be too bad.

I obviously do have some thoughts that chime with yours. Otherwise I wouldn't be feeling guilty enough to write it up here.

But the other part of me thinks that there is no harm in it, and that actually spendin 24/7 together would be equally as bad for both of us?!?

Numberlock Thu 25-Jul-13 22:12:03

Does that c only apply to mothers?

littlemisswise Thu 25-Jul-13 22:12:08

I wouldn't do it, tbh. Can I ask why you decided it is not the sort of holiday to take your DS on? Portugal is very child friendly, lovely beaches and if there is a pool you could spend time with him in there.

We have just come back from Majorca. It was the first holiday DS1(18) didn't come with us on. I missed him like crazy, it just didn't feel right, there was always something missing.

Each to their own, though.

Numberlock Thu 25-Jul-13 22:12:24

... comment ...

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 22:15:35

He will be fine if you go without him I'm sure but surely he'd love a holiday in the sun, probably access to a pool etc? Could you really relax and enjoy it without him? Maybe you could but think of the fun you could have tool

Little... it's not in a touristy place. Not near a beach, not near any sort of entertainment as such, a bit off the beaten track. We looked at the pics and thought the flat didn't seem particularly child friendly either - balcony with low wall, lots of expensive furnishings, no child equipment to et from anywhere either, so would have to take it all with me.

As I said, it wasn't meant as a family holiday... we took DS to Italy for a few days over Easter. We were offered this as a freebie, and given we would only pay flights we could actually afford it.

justaweeone Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:17

Every couple needs time away.
My son goes away for a week with inlaws,he has fab time and my husband and I are at work and his teenage sister gets a bit of peace and quiet.
Enjoy x

Boosiehs Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:33

Blimey, some people on here are very judgmental. What's wrong with spending a week away from your DC. I don't think that makes you a bad parent or love them any less than those who claim they'd spend evy waking moment with their DCs.

Have a fun time!!

soontobeburns Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:58

Of course YANBU some of my best childhood memories are staying at my GPs when my DM was away. Also going on holiday for a week myself with my GPs.

Remember your DS will love it and he will also be much more content if you and your DH are relaxed and less stressed.

Go for it!

guiltyconscience Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:58

Op thank you for replying in such a nice way,I suppose things that happen to us that are not in our control shape our thinking. I am a very lucky woman to have 2 dds, I had them after 12 years of infertility and 2 m/c which nearly drove me out of my mind. I realise this has probably made me feel this way and that I am in the minority but I still say take him with you.I'm sure you will all love being together 24/7 and it wouldn't be bad for you at all.

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 22:22:47

I don't think children need a touristy area, entertainment etc although a pool always helps. Safety does need to be considered though.

If you want to go for it, then go but holidaying without DC isn't everyone's cup of tea smile

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