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To be FUMING. What do I do about this party situation

(99 Posts)
ParanoidAnnie Fri 12-Jul-13 14:48:38

Right, I'll try and keep it short. DD2 is 7 in August. We are having am early party tomorrow. 6 friends, small pool on garden, friends parents staying for a few drinks. All organised.

One of the girls she has invited was under duress. She has a birthday the day before DD and there has been some minor falling out with her in this group of friends. I explained to DD that it would be unfair to leave her out. She kind of agreed and reluctantly invited her.

I've just found out that the mum has organised a sleepover for her DDs birthday tomorrow night and left mine out! Even though she has agreed to come to our party during the day.

Fucking fuming is not the word. She has never done an early party. Copied us last year and got her invites out early for the same party on DDs actual birthday. So this year I done it early as DD missed out on her party last year.

I hate to be annoyed by parties as I know there is so much more going on in the world but I am so amazed by this. Speechless.

YouTheCat Fri 12-Jul-13 14:51:46

Next year, just don't invite her.

ilovechips Fri 12-Jul-13 14:55:07

Next time just go with who dd wants there, the other girl's mother clearly doesn't care what's fair or not!

Caitycat Fri 12-Jul-13 14:56:38

I get that it's a bit of a coincidence about the two parties being on the same day but it sounds as if the girls don't actually like each other. Your dd didn't want to invite this girl so no great surprise that she didn't want to invite your dd. Presumably her mum just said you can have x number of friends and your dd wasn't chosen - as hers wouldn't have been without your intervention. I think the problem has actually been created by you, let them choose their own guests next year. If you're worried about a date clash just have a chat to the other mum in advance saying you know it's happened before and just check out your chosen date.

JuliaScurr Fri 12-Jul-13 14:56:53

I'm astonished how mean people are about this; leaving kids out is really spiteful. Of course you're annoyed.
Rise above it and make sure your dd has a fun birthday

ParanoidAnnie Fri 12-Jul-13 14:57:37

I want to uninvite her this year! Though I know this would upset the child.

Everyone is going to be leaving here to go to the sleepover and DD isn't sad

fedupofnamechanging Fri 12-Jul-13 15:00:28

These are your choices, really.

1) Put up with it this year and don't invite her again next year.

2) Contact the mother and tell her that your dd invited her dd under duress because they had fallen out, but you were concerned about not hurting her feelings. However you have subsequently found out that there is no such consideration for your dd and are therefore rescinding the invitation.

I would like to think that I would go for option 2 - I hate people taking the piss and I am not generally scared of fallout, but it would hinge on just how upset my dd really was about all this. If she was just mildly put out, then I would let it go but remember it next year and act accordingly.

What I definitely would do though is call the other mother to collect her dd if she caused problems during my own child's party.

ParanoidAnnie Fri 12-Jul-13 15:01:23

I get now that I shouldn't have made DD invite her. I was just trying to be fair. My fault entirely.

The date isn't a coincidence though. She sent invites out a week after mine. In a discussion before with the Mum she had said her party was in August. That's why I decided to have mine early to avoid the clash and DDs best friend would be on holiday.

I don't want her in my house eating and drinking tomorrow I really don't.

GoodTouchBadTouch Fri 12-Jul-13 15:01:49

Does your DD want to go to the sleepover?

Beechview Fri 12-Jul-13 15:02:45

That's really mean of friend and parent. I'm not surprised you're annoyed. I would be too.

I'd feel like mentioning it. But well done for trying to include the girl.

ParanoidAnnie Fri 12-Jul-13 15:03:05

Karma I think I will go with number 2. I have never been so mad. I don't want this mother in my house.

diddl Fri 12-Jul-13 15:03:17

Leaving kids out is spiteful?

How-it's not a whole class thing!

Maybe the mum is limited on space for a sleepover?

fedupofnamechanging Fri 12-Jul-13 15:03:52

Then ring up the mum and cancel.

They have had no shame in accepting your invitation and then deliberately leaving your dd out of their party.

I think it will be horrible for all the kids to be talking about the sleepover, while at your child's party - that won't happen so much if the other girl isn't there.

you could just say to other mum that the girls have fallen out, so you would prefer not to have conflict on the day and would prefer she doesn't come.

fedupofnamechanging Fri 12-Jul-13 15:04:13

Sorry X posted

LazyMonkeyButler Fri 12-Jul-13 15:04:15

I've had a similar situation with DS2. I persuaded him to invite a boy he wasn't particularly keen on to his party as he was broadly part of the same friendship group & I thought it would be hurtful to let him be the only one left out. Said boy came to DS2's party.

A week later, the boy hands out invitations to his own party - to the entire friendship group except DS2 sad. DS2, who was about 7 at the time, just looked at me and said "see, I told you he didn't like me".

We never invited anyone that DS2 didn't really want again. Lesson learnt.

It sucks for your DD though, because what's the betting that the friends will spend your DD's party discussing the sleepover hmm. It's incredibly thoughtless of the other mum to organise it on the same bloody day - especially as it's not her DD's actual birthday.

Beechview Fri 12-Jul-13 15:04:28

No.2 is great

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Fri 12-Jul-13 15:04:53

Don't uninvite her - you will be stooping just as low as the other mum.

Turn the other cheek, be the bigger person and just leave things as they are. The other mum has just made herself look like a real bitch but don't go down that road yourself.

It is hurtful when our kids get DS has been excluded from end of year antics.......but just try and rise above it.

diddl Fri 12-Jul-13 15:06:18



Now that is horrible!

GoodTouchBadTouch Fri 12-Jul-13 15:07:19

I would uninvite too. I think its rude of the mother to accept in the first place if she isn't going to invite

ParanoidAnnie Fri 12-Jul-13 15:09:04

It's not the exclusion. DD doesn't even know about it. She wouldn't be bothered. She is quite a happy go lucky child. She is very popular at school.


Sorry I can't get passed this. I will have to deal with it.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Fri 12-Jul-13 15:09:20

Trouble is you see, kids fall out all the time.........they are then the best of friend by the next day or whatever and there is real animosity between the mums....cue an awkward few years of primary school.

I think to uninvite is horrid and makes you no better than the other mum!

iheartdusty Fri 12-Jul-13 15:10:19

what would the other parents say if they saw the whole picture?

if I was another mum I would not send my child to the sleepover, would perhaps fix another date to keep the peace for my own child.

youi could talk to other parents and let them see how upset your DD would be, they probably have no idea that she isn't invited.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 12-Jul-13 15:10:37

I wouldn't uninvite, you will look petty. I would leave it as it is and claim the moral high ground. Have all the girls at your party been invited to the sleepover?

fedupofnamechanging Fri 12-Jul-13 15:11:28

Well, it will be horrible for OPs dd to have all these other kids talking about a sleepover that she has not been invited to at her own birthday party.

The other mother has caused this really and will have to find a way of explaining it to her child.

HSMMaCM Fri 12-Jul-13 15:11:45

Make sure all the parents leave as soon as their children walk through the door, so you don't have to talk to the other Mum. Arrange something fantastic for your DD to do in the evening ... maybe a friend who isn't going to the other sleepover, to stay over and have popcorn and a film.

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