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Children not invited to wedding - I'm not going either!

(198 Posts)
ruby1234 Mon 08-Jul-13 16:09:08

My DC have not been invited to our DNiece's wedding.

Background: DNiece is the DD of my DH sister.
We are not especially close, as DH is 10 years older than his DS and they did not grow up together. Our DC's from both sides are not friends as such, and have not seen each other for a few years.
DNiece is getting married at a small country manor house later in the year. There are only going to be 40 guests at the ceremony and wedding lunch, as this is the maximum amount of guests the wedding ceremony room can accommodate. There is an evening do afterwards with a band, disco and hog roast for 120 guests.
We knew the wedding date a long time in advance, and told DH'sis that we could only go to the daytime as we have a 30th birthday party to go to in the evening.
The invitations have arrived, and while me and DH are invited to the whole wedding including the evening, our DC's have only been invited to the evening - even though DH'sis knows none of us can go to the evening because of the other party.
My DH'mum says that due to only 40 guests being invited, once bridesmaids, parents, aunts, uncles and close friends have been invited there is not room for the 13 cousins (and partners) on both sides of the family, so the decision was taken not to invite any cousins to the day, just to the evening. (None of the cousins are close).
I have sent a no thanks reply for all of us for the whole wedding as I think that families should stick together at times like this, and that all of us should have been invited to the day, especially when they already knew we had other plans for the evening.
My DC are 28 and 22.

My DH'mum thinks we are being unreasonable to not go at all, and none of the other cousins or aunts/uncles seem to be miffed at the rebuff.

AIBU to say no?

AWitchOfDirtyHabits Mon 08-Jul-13 16:11:32



BaronessBomburst Mon 08-Jul-13 16:12:05


Pootles2010 Mon 08-Jul-13 16:13:24

Say no to what you like, but you're being silly to be miffed.

Btw, what do you mean by 'at times like this'?

IHeartKingThistle Mon 08-Jul-13 16:13:41

Sounds like they have a valid reason for not inviting them to be honest. It's not like they're inviting all the cousins apart from your dc.

Do your dc even care?

Actually, is this a reverse AIBU?

BramblyHedge Mon 08-Jul-13 16:13:45

Yabu especially as they are grown up children

Fragglewump Mon 08-Jul-13 16:13:57

Yabvu! A wedding is way more important than a birthday party. I would stay to the whole thing and have fun!

Spartak Mon 08-Jul-13 16:13:58

Is this a reverse AIBU?

ArabellaBeaumaris Mon 08-Jul-13 16:14:21


MrsBungle Mon 08-Jul-13 16:14:29

Yabu. biscuit

MotionCity Mon 08-Jul-13 16:14:30

I thought you were going to say your children were tiny and you had a childcare issue!

I am 24 and would no longer expect to be invited to family weddings along with my parents - either they alone would be invited or I'd get a separate invite in my own right.

ilove Mon 08-Jul-13 16:14:45

I call reverse AIBU...

GoofyIsACow Mon 08-Jul-13 16:14:59

YANBU to say no if you want to but YABVU about the reason, i did exactly this with DS1's christening, my aunty kicked up such a fuss she ruined the christening and i avoid them now.
There were loads of friends we didnt invite to fit in my aunt and uncle, they came even though we had a row before hand and sat in the corner with a ducks bum mouth all day, they are very lucky i didnt tell them to get the fuck out.
It is their day, family is only important if you are close, otherwise not Im afraid.

Annakin31 Mon 08-Jul-13 16:15:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CookieLady Mon 08-Jul-13 16:15:04


Ilovesunflowers Mon 08-Jul-13 16:15:10

YABU. It's probably around £80 per head. Why should they pay for people they aren't close to. 13 kids would equate to over 1k. A huge amount of money.

You aren't being unreasonable to not go. You are being unreasonable to judge them and to throw a 'strop' because your kids aren't invited. They are your kids not theirs.


LittleBearPad Mon 08-Jul-13 16:15:26

YABU. Their wedding their choice.

In addition your children are in their twenties and haven't seen the bride etc for years.

As for families sticking together - you sound a little like Peggy Mutchell

glastocat Mon 08-Jul-13 16:15:35

Yabu and silly.

thatstoast Mon 08-Jul-13 16:15:53

Your children are adults. Do they care about not being invited or are you just offended on their behalf?

It's fine to say no but I wouldn't be offended if I were you, especially as you've already told the hosts you're choosing another party over their wedding celebrations. And as you admit that none of the cousins are 'close'? Not sure what the problem is.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Mon 08-Jul-13 16:15:54

It must be hard finding a babysitter for a 22 and 28 year old

VikingVagine Mon 08-Jul-13 16:16:03



isitsnowingyet Mon 08-Jul-13 16:16:07

Mmmm - I thought your children would be a lot younger, and the problem was childcare, but as they're 28 and 22 - obviously that is not the issue. It does seem unreasonable not to go. It's not like your family has been singled out for bad treatment or owt. Unless there's something I missed

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 08-Jul-13 16:16:12

People say no to weddings all the time, lots for the same reason. Not everybody has babysitters they can use.

I personally dont like evening only invites and tend to decline, as long as you let people know for catering reasons either way then its not rude.

Ragwort Mon 08-Jul-13 16:16:15

Are you for real, what 'children' of 28 and 22 would really expect to go to a small wedding of cousins that they are not particularly close to. Most 'children' of that age would be pleased NOT to be summoned to a family occasion.

So, don't go, I am sure you won't be missed with such an attitude.

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