If you're aware your child is a spoiled brat - you should do something about it! AIBU?(246 Posts)
I've just had the most frustrating conversation with my brother and Sil.
I'm taking my nephew - their 12yo son - away to a caravan holiday next week with me and 5yo dd.
Brother and SIL have just popped in for a quick visit, during which they tried to hand me £500! They said it was his spending money.
Then they tried to give my dd £300 and £100 for myself. I explained that no child would need that amount of spending money for a week at Haven. Most of the entertainment is included, but he might need a wee bit of spending money if he wanted to do extra activities such as climbing wall etc. But only £50 maximum.
I also said that i was only planning on eating out maybe 2 nights out of 7 (self catering) but i'm happy to cover the cost of his meals.
Well, they quite candidly said that my nephew is very fussy and would probably want a burger every night.
They said that i would find my hand constantly in my pocket to keep him happy.
He'd constantly be asking for money for the arcades.
He'll be moody and complaining if i don't give him money to occupy himself while i'm doing things with dd like the kids club.
He;ll be wanting drinks every two minutes.
I tried to assure them that i had a cheaper plan.
I'd buy him in nice quick foods or micro burgers to eat at the caravan. I didn't want my daughter eating out 7 nights and it wouldn't be fair to let him run into burger king every evening when my daughter's having to eat 'boring normal' food in the caravan.
They said he wouldn't put up with this and would go in a mood and probably not eat anything i made.
I said we can all spend a certain amount of time (maybe an hour) going around the arcades, and I'd ration him to £5-£10 per day.
They said he wouldn't be happy about this. He could quite easily spend an entire day at the arcades spending £100 each time. (They suggested i ration his arcade money to £25 a day).
I said he can take one of his portable computers to play (he has an ipad, psp, wiiU and a frigging 3DS) while i'm doing stuff with dd, rather than him doing something that costs money.
They said he gets fed up of his computers after 5 minutes so this wouldn't work.
I suggested i could buy a multipack of capri suns and take some out with me each evening for him rather than buy expensive drinks. They said he will prefer drinks that come fresh from the bar.
They were completely apologetic throughout all of this, stating they were fully aware he was a 'spoiled wee shit' as they so eloquently put it. My SIL says she's just spent over £600 on buying him new clothes for this holiday (almost twice the cost of the actual holiday!) and that she'd had to practically force him to murmur a thank you to her.
I was appalled. I said 'Well in future take him to the likes of Primark."
Then she looked appalled (snobby). "Oh no, he'd not have that. It's all got to be brand name with him."
It wasn't really my place to say, but i said it anyway. "If you want him to stop acting so precious, stop throwing money at him every two minutes."
They said they know it's their own fault, but he's gotten too used to it now, he doesn't know any different.
They left saying that if he plays up - which they anticipate - then they'll bring him home right away.
Now, i've had my nephew stay overnight before - so this week away is a big leap.
Yes, he is indeed a spoiled wee shit. But i don't stand for it when he;s here (which is probably why he hates staying with me!). E.g. the other week, i took him to the cinema and a cafe for a belated birthday treat.
Cost me a bloody fortune. Not one single thank you.
he complained the film was rubbish.
He choose the most expensive pizza on the menu (£20!) then decided he didn't like it. And went in a huff when i refused to buy him the second most expensive item on the menu. So he got landed with a basket of chips. Then all the way home he complained that his mum had bought him a crappy tablet instead of an ipad for his birthday. (They went out the next week and bought him an ipad - the tablet is now in the drawer).
I'm probably coming across as a total bitch here. But i just don't understand. If you know your child is a spoiled brat - why would you just put up with it? Why why why?
Anyway, i thanked them for the money, but handed them back the £400 they'd tried to give me and dd. I then reluctantly took the £500 for my nephew, but assured them he'd be coming home with a lot of change. The blimmin holiday only cost £400!
I love my nephew. I do. And i'm not dreading the week away with him. He'll be good company for me and dd. I'm sort of hoping to drum into him next week that it's possible to have fun without spending a heap of cash.
Wow what a rant! I started this at 4.30 - dinner's a-cinder!
He sounds horrible and his parents sound worse.
I hope you can whip him into shape next week. Good luck!
Thank goodness he's got you as an aunt!
You go for it!
YANBU. If I were you I'd stick to your guns and enforce the type of behaviour you find acceptable, maybe if he sees your children behaving nicely and not being spoilt it might make him slightly embarrassed about his own behaviour.
why are you taking him? TBH i would just take the money from his parents and let him do his thing if that's what he is used to, sounds like will be to stressful otherwise.
I would have taken the money and eaten out (all of you together) every night!
It is very decent of him to offer you the money. At least he has not sent him without any funds. You will probably find your nephew behaves very differently with you because he will be having a different type of holiday from the one he experiences with his parents where money is no object.
Yanbu! I feel sorry for the poor boy - maybe a normal - but totally lovely! - holiday with you might make him realise how spoiled he is.
I also think there is good hope that the nephew will be a different boy away from his parents. And I do actually feel rather sorry for him, with little or no guidance from parents who prefer referring to him as a spoiled shit rather than doing something about it.
I feel sorry for him tbh.
And his parents are at fault.
How could they let it go on for so long? Their indulgence is completely spoiling him. Hopefully a week with a normal family, such as yours, will chip some of those edges off him and make him more appreciative of them. They do need to rein back their spending on him though, or it will be too late to turn any of this around. I feel sorry for him.
You sound lovely and sensible though.
I know a kid being brought up like this, bonkers parents
She came on holiday with me and was a nightmare, the parents didnt pay for her food and offered to collect her if I was going to keep upsetting her
Some parents are just a bit shit
Bloody hell, what a wee shit right enough.
I hope you're taking him somewhere nice and windy like Ayr, and that it rains a lot.
Blimey! I sometimes wonder if I spoil mine but going by that I'm doing OK
Words fail me ... these parents are doing their son no favours at all by indulging him and encouraging this spoilt behaviour. Thank goodness he has an aunt who lives in the real world!
I'd say there's every chance that he'll adapt to Whistlingnun rules pretty early on in the holiday, and you'll all have a great time.
Wooah. I would absolutely stick to my guns. This is an idea opportunity to contextualise his behaviour and maybe if you don't give in on all this stuff he might come to see that his behaviour is not on. Especially if your daughter is there too to help reinforce good behaviour. If it works it might also enable your brother and SIL to see that there is an alternative way of dealing with him which doesn't involve just giving him everything he wants.
You do not sound at all like a bitch. FFS, he is twelve, not four. I would hope, as several posters upthread have said, that he'd learn that he can still have fun when everyone's not falling at his feet and doing his bidding.
He's going to have to work hard and get a bloody good job if he is going to fund spending habits like that as an adult ! I've got a friend who is just like your describe with her kids. Only thing i didn't understand is that you wrote "But i don't stand for it when he;s here (which is probably why he hates staying with me!)." So how come you are taking him on hols if he hates staying with you? I'm surprised he has agreed to go.
Thanks everyone. I was expecting at least one person to say i was being U...
SIL - are you on here?
The thing is though, nephew now knows his parents have given me a heap of spending money for him. And if i don't use it, i'll look like the bad guy. What reason can i have for saying 'no you can't go on the arcades?' The money will be sitting in my pocket.
Same goes for eating out. If i cook him something - even if it's a daft micro burger - he'll not touch it. He'll say 'I'll just use my spending money and get a burger from the restaurant when we go up to the complex'.
He's 12yo. So he can go off for a short amount of time and do his own thing.
And i can't withhold money from him that's technically his.
It's just so infuriating. He's become a snobby, ungrateful little boy. he looks down his nose at me constantly.
He moans my TV is too small, and the other week we were out, i was telling him that he could go and get a wee paper round when he's 13 and start buying his computer games himself.
He laughed and said there's no way he's going out and delivering papers every morning for just a few pounds.
I told him i used to deliver those free papers through people's door - 1000 every weekend - and got paid a penny a paper. £10. When i was 13.
He said i was an idiot.
Makes me thankful actually for not being as well-off as them. I suppose if you have that level of throwaway cash, it would be quite simple to get into the habit of spoiling children, wouldn't it?
Lilac - his parents are always helping out with childcare with my dd when i get called to work short notice, so i thought offering to have nephew on holiday would be a good payback.
Besides, it costs no extra for him to come with us (except food costs) and he'd keep me company.
I'll probably be tearing my hair out at the end of the week though.
Lie to him - tell him you gave the money back. And make his bloody parents back you up! Then you can spend a nice week with him doing it your way (or the highway ). I have a twelve year old boy. They really don't have to be like this. And they adjust very quickly once they know the rules. I suppose there's no chance of him coming without his phone? I expect he'll be whinging to mummy if he has it. Maybe there'll be no reception....
Setting aside the issue of his behaviour, how is he going to be able to afford to continue this kind of spending as an adult?
He doesn't sound like he'll make a successful highly paid type. More likely he'll end up with a gambling addiction.
You could ration the spending and just say he can't have more than £x per day because on this holiday, you're in charge.
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