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please give me your opinions about mother approaching dh on school run..

(242 Posts)
wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 16:25:36

would you have alarm bells rining if your partner/dh told you a women he often sees on school run (he shares it with me due to my job) & exchange smiles (as one does with many of the other mums to be friendly) has approached him asking him if he wants to be her 'cycling buddy' as she has seen him cycling. he said he was quite taken aback as he doesn't know her and has only smiled to before. possibly she thinks he is single etc or it could be literally just what she suggests although she could have approached anyone. tbh i wouldn't go upto someone else's partner at the school gate and ask them if they want to come with me to ie the gym or on a trip to do what i do for a living (if i had heard he was also into the same thing). opinions please... i am not very comfortable with it (or he) and i am not a posessive type, quite the opposite normally

SkinnybitchWannabe Wed 03-Jul-13 16:27:52

My OH is a cyclist. This wouldnt bother me at all.

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:28:11

Well, it could just be what it says on the tin.

She really might just want a cycling partner, not know anyone else who cycles, and he is a friendly face?

What did he say?

AhCmonSeriouslyNow Wed 03-Jul-13 16:28:45

I don't think I'd be too concerned. I might raise an eyebrow a little but I would consider approaching someone local or that I knew to see to be a running buddy if I saw them out running - it can be nice to have a partner for motivation/company.

Floralnomad Wed 03-Jul-13 16:29:14

It wouldn't bother me , she hasn't just asked him randomly ,she has seen him cycling .

gaggiagirl Wed 03-Jul-13 16:29:51

Why don't you cycle to school with the dcs? Lets see if she asks you to be her cycle buddy hmm

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Wed 03-Jul-13 16:29:56

It depends... if she had given him "come hither" eyes, sidled up to him and said "hey, wanna be my cycling buddy?" <wink wink>, then yes I think I'd be getting a bit territorial.

If, on the other hand, they had gotten chatting because they both cycled to school and during the conversation she suggested they cycle together, then no it wouldn't bother me well ok maybe a bit.

specialsubject Wed 03-Jul-13 16:30:12

no, no alarm bells. Easy solution though - he opens conversation about it and just drops in mentions that he is married, e.g. that he can only cycle on x days when his wife is doing the school run. That shows a) there is a wife and b) that he isn't trying to get away from her.

this should sort out whether it is an invitation to cycling or a relationship.

fairylightsinthespring Wed 03-Jul-13 16:30:57

So someone who sees your partner or a regular basis smiles at him and has asked him if he might like to do a shared hobby together? If this was another man would you think it was anything other than friendship being offered? Why automatically assume she is up to something? Does he have women friends and would you be happy if he did? Ultimately, it doesn't matter what HER motive is, provided you trust your husband and he is actually worthy of that trust. She could be a rampaging maneater but it doesn't matter in the slightest if your DP is a good, faithful bloke. If she makes an overt advance, he can tell her to back off and that's the end of it - a shame to jump to conclusions based on what's happened thus far.

learnasyougo Wed 03-Jul-13 16:32:05

how did he feel? did her asking make him uncomfortable? it sounds like it did, so i'd be inclined to say she's overstepped a line. maybe he could hint to her he isn't a single dad by saying he prefers to cycle with his wife or something.
She may genuinely be interested in a cycling buddy, but not out of the blue like that, and I'd not pick out a bloke I hardly know.

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:32:21

I now have a mental image of an eye-lash-fluttering-winking vamp with a leopard skin coat and blood red talons thanks to Smite grin

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:33:19

Apologies to anyone with a leopard skin coat by the way. As long as its fake that is.

Monty27 Wed 03-Jul-13 16:33:41

Well, it would bother me as I certainly wouldn't approach a man in this way, just in case he misconstrued it.

OP we seem to differ from other posters.

wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 16:34:46

i don't cycle. alot of other mums do though which is why we both find it a bit odd. if it is just that i don't see that it matters either but she may have another agenda, who knows. dh said he would prefer her to be in a relationship then he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. he said she has made a point of hooting him and waving when she has been in the car and he has driven past. perhaps she does have designs on him, i don't know. she has never made any attempt to befriend me nor i her, she has a friendly face (not sure what that is supposed to mean), just feel a bit uncomfortable. everything is good in our house, just don't want anything to happen to upset the apple cart i guess, nor does he. i have a fair few male work colleague friends although they are all ugly :-D, dh said she is pretty (but not sexy)

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:36:20

Well, if she really does want a cycling partner it's fine.

If she doesn't and is up to something then presumably the OP trusts her DH to wriggle out of it if she starts phoning him and asking him to mend her puncture at midnight.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 03-Jul-13 16:36:21

No, no alarm bells. But i dont tend to be distrustful or suspicious of a conversation just because the two parties were of the opposite sex.

thebody Wed 03-Jul-13 16:36:54

It would bother me a lot.part of a cycling group fine, just the two of them not fine and it will be much cause if hilarity and gossip.

Well it would where I live anyway.

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:37:55

Your apple cart can't be upset if your DH is a good man.

Nottalotta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:38:02

Is he taking her up on the offer. It would bother me tbh.

Squitten Wed 03-Jul-13 16:38:52

So, has he said yes to her or not? If he's not comfortable with it, why doesn't he just say no! She can ask, he doesn't have to agree.

FWIW, my DH is a cyclist and I wouldn't mind if he did this. As far as I'm concerned, she can throw her lycra-clad self across his handlebar all she likes. If HE doesn't tell her to get knotted, he'll have to deal with me...

mameulah Wed 03-Jul-13 16:39:28

It is inviting the wolf into your home. Totally asking for trouble. I know or two marriages that were recently ruined because one couple started jogging together. Steer well clear. IMO.

Arabesque Wed 03-Jul-13 16:39:40

I think it's a bit weird to be honest. A cycling buddy? Why on earth would you approach a virtual stranger for that reason?

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:39:46

Bliley, my DH has partnered other women in his hobby and it never bothered me.

Or anyone else for that matter - no one else cares confused

trackies Wed 03-Jul-13 16:40:11

YANBU. They smile at each other on the school run and she's asking him to be her cycling buddy. It does sound a bit odd to me. Having said that I have a neighbour who is a SAHD so we do occasionally do coffee with our toddlers. But he's my neighbour and he know's DH and i know his DW. I wouldn't go up to a bloke on the school run and ask him to be my 'gym/running/cycling buddy' as i wouldn't want to annoy someone's other half.
What is she like with you OP ? does she know that you are his wife ? same class kids ? or another year and they hardly know each other ?

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 16:40:55

Marriages can only be ruined by people who must be crap spouses anyway.

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