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to think that DSis could pick a different day for her wedding?

(42 Posts)
withgreatpower Sun 16-Jun-13 21:41:46

DSis just told my DM that she wants to get married next year on that day that is also my DM's wedding anniversary. My DM and DD will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary next year, and were thinking of having a simple ceremony and inviting their friends and family for a simple reception at home.

A bit of background. My Dsis is 48, this would be her second marriage, also second marriage for her DP. They have lived together for 10+ years, and have two children. According to my DSis, she chose that specific day for the wedding as it is a very special date for them (but she didn't tell us why it is so special, and I don't mind not knowing, actually).

Maybe I'm too practical, and not very romantic, but why can't DSis pick a different date? My DM has told me that she (DM) doesn't want to do a combined ceremony - they have different sets of friends, as you can imagine. Also, it's not to save money for the reception, as my DSis is quite wealthy. I have to say that it seems quite selfish to me to pick the same day as my DM's wedding anniversary.

Well, what do you think?

Nanny0gg Sun 16-Jun-13 21:43:27

Has your DM said anything to your sister?

lougle Sun 16-Jun-13 21:43:29

I think it's between your DSis and your DM.

SirChenjin Sun 16-Jun-13 21:43:58

On the face of it, it sounds v odd. No idea why it's so special to your sister? Has your mum spoken to her about the date?

diddl Sun 16-Jun-13 21:44:16

Well your parents won't be able to go if they're having their own celebration, will they?

BabylonReturns Sun 16-Jun-13 21:44:38

YANBU. Without knowing why it's a very special date for them, it does just seem quite selfish really.

Strangely, my dsis got married (1st time) on our parents wedding anniversary too. I always thought it a bit odd really. Why not have your own anniversary?

DarkWinter Sun 16-Jun-13 21:45:05

Whyever shouldn't she pick that date?

CloudsAndTrees Sun 16-Jun-13 21:46:40

If your parents are disappointed about their plans being spoiled, then your dsis is being very selfish, and yes, she should have chosen another day.

I can see lots of parents thinking it's a lovely idea for their dd to be married on their wedding anniversary though, so it really depends on how your Mum and Dad feel.

CalamityJ Sun 16-Jun-13 21:47:08

My DB asked me if I minded him getting married on my birthday. It's not just getting married on that day but every year he'll be celebrating that instead of wanting to come to my party (if I have one) so I said I'd rather he didn't and he didn't. No problem. Your DSis will be unable to celebrate with your/her parents on their 50th anniversary which is why she is being unreasonable to pick that date. She should be celebrating her parents' marriage then celebrate her own.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 16-Jun-13 21:47:17

I can't think of any reason for the date being "special" for your dsis that outweighs the reason for your dparents. 50 years married is pretty special.

HollyBerryBush Sun 16-Jun-13 21:48:31

It it a tribute to your DM & DF ?

but it is between Dsis and DM

bobthebear Sun 16-Jun-13 21:49:14

My DB got married on my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. My mum and I thought it was a lovely idea. Obviously we're in the minority!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 16-Jun-13 21:49:37

DarkWinter, because guests will be conflicted. Attend a 50th anniversary do for your close family/friend, or the bigger, second wedding ceremony of their daughter? It's a horrible thing to do to people you profess to love.

ZZZenagain Sun 16-Jun-13 21:50:16

so the family is going to have to decide whether to attend the wedding or the anniversary. Tell her it is a shame you can't come to her wedding because you'll be at your parents' anniversary celebration. See what she says

withgreatpower Sun 16-Jun-13 21:51:22

DSis is quite bossy, and her DS is not very well at the moment, so DM doesn't want to be confrontational and upset her. About my Dnephew not being very well: this is not related to the decision of getting married, or of getting married on that date, as my DSis had mentioned a few years ago (before my Dnephew was poorly) to me that she wanted to get married on that date (actually this is the third year that she says that she's getting married the following year).

Bue Sun 16-Jun-13 21:51:32

If it were any other year it wouldn't be odd (in fact many parents would be really touched if their child chose to share an anniversary with them, I know my DM would). But the fact that it is their 50th anniversary and presumably DSis already knew they were planning a celebration, does make it very odd and selfish indeed. But I think it is up to DM to say something.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 16-Jun-13 21:52:12

Bobthebear, I think 25th is different, though. Assuming your parents make it to 50, and your dbro stays wed, they'd be having a joint celebration.

This is a conflict of celebrations.

ENormaSnob Sun 16-Jun-13 21:52:22

It just being the date wouldnt be an issue imo, the fact that the wedding will be on their 50th anniversary is an issue.

Jan49 Sun 16-Jun-13 21:55:23

I don't understand about the ceremony. What kind of ceremony would your DM and DF be having for a 50th anniversary?

I think it's between your DM and DSiS. It might work out well for your parents to celebrate their 50th at your DSiS' wedding reception. But awkward if they want to invite lots of friends to their 50th who won't be invited to the wedding.

withgreatpower Sun 16-Jun-13 21:55:52

I don't think there will be two celebrations on the same day, if my DSis goes ahead with her plans. I'm sure my DM will not want to cause troubles, and she (DM) will pick a different date, a couple of days after the correct date, for her church service and her celebration. I don't think this is right, though.

SirChenjin Sun 16-Jun-13 21:57:11

No, I don't think it's right either OP. Kind of stealing your mum and dad's thunder a bit.

mrsjay Sun 16-Jun-13 21:59:15

how do your parents feel about it perhaps they could get a blessing at your sisters wedding ? i think if your sister knew about the celebration then she is being selfish but if she didnt then I think it is up to your parents to say if it suits or not

diddl Sun 16-Jun-13 21:59:23

Well that kind of explains why your sister is even thinking of it, then.

Perhaps your Mum should book something!

mummytime Sun 16-Jun-13 22:01:09

My SIL and two of her DDs share the same anniversary day. I think its a bit weird personally, and have discussed it with,y much younger DDs. But they are all quite happy, and think its "romantic".

Your DM needs to talk to your DSis if its a problem, you can back cover her back, but otherwise its not your business.

Anyhow if its your DSis's 3rd marriage it isn't likely to be a big do is it?

bobthebear Sun 16-Jun-13 22:02:07

But my parents did have a silver wedding anniversary party for their 25th. They had it the week before their anniversary without a fuss and then watched my brother get married whilst reminiscing about their own wedding on the same day

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