To be annoyed that DH cannot/will not stick to our food budget.(110 Posts)
We are a family of 5; DH and I, a 12 year old, a 6 year old and a 4 year old. We budget £100 - £120 per week for food, which I think is a generous budget. DH works full time, I work part time, so whilst we both earn money (just in case anyone says he earns the money he can spend it as he sees fit), I am obviously at home more and I do all the meal planning, food shopping/ordering, and 95% of the cooking. DH never wants any input into the food ordering, or into what we are having for dinner that night. If I ask for suggestions for meals he just shrugs and says he has no idea.
So, what I'm finding at the moment is quite often now, despite not wanting to have any input into what we're having for tea each night, I'll be cooking and DH will turn his nose up at whatever is on offer that night, disappear to the local shop, and spend more money on something he does fancy, such as a ready meal. I know we all have nights where we fancy something different, but surely if you are living on a budget there are some nights you have to compromise. I'd love steak, and nice ready meals each night, but I often end up having something I don't fancy, because the kids have requested it, or I know it's something they'll eat. It's just par for the course in a family.
Also, on any nights that he's planning on cooking, he'll again disappear to the shop and maybe spend an extra £20 - £30 on things for a meal. He can never use things already in the fridge/cupboard/freezer. And also he can never have 'just' what is on offer at a meal. If I do a fry up (eggs, bacon, baked beans, grilled tomatoes, hash browns) he will again go to the shop and get a pack of Tesco finest sausages to have with it. If I make homemade soup for lunch with rolls, he'll start digging out other things to have with his, that I've put in the meal plan to use at another meal. He also won't take packed lunches to work and so spends £5+ each lunchtime on nice goodies.
I know some will say he's entitled to eat what he wants etc, but I feel I am a good cook, our budget is generous, and I try to cook nice, balanced, healthy meals for us all. We have treats, we have a takeaway once a week or fortnight.
In theory we can afford to spend the extra but it seems like a terrible waste, when the money could be used elsewhere (ie saved for a holiday, or used to enable the kids to do extra activities), and also seems grossly unfair when I'm making, planning and preparing family meals to suit us all and he's waltzing off all the time, eating what he likes, spending extra money, and generally making sure he is better catered for than we are!
AIBU to be annoyed and frustrated?
YANBU! Have you asked him why he does it?
I've tried to talk to him so many times about it, Creature, but he just doesn't seem to 'get' my point at all. He isn't the most careful person in the world with money unfortunately.
We had a food delivery this morning and I said to him "Ok, so this should last us for the whole week, I really don't want to spend anymore money on food this week, let me know what you fancy each evening for tea and I'll try to accommodate it". Tonight I'm making pork steaks with honey and mustard dressing, homemade chips, and vegetables, but I guarantee he'll want some extra vegetable from the local shop, or he'll start opening packs of bread rolls to have with his, or he'll decide he wants a proper pudding and will go and get a Tesco finest cheesecake or something.
He's a grown up. You're not his mum. Why do you get to demand he makes packed lunches? YABU.
Shred his debit card?
Or, see if for a week he can live without it. Have a set amount of cash that he has to see the week out with, for lunch and extras and see how he does. See if he gets how much he is spending on stupid stuff. I bet he'll be having to make pack up by wednesday and might understand a little better by then
I haven't demanded anything auntmargaret. I'm not sure where in my post has given you that impression?
My point is that he is fine dining and having what he wants all the time, whilst I'm trying to stick to a budget and feed a family, and it seems a little unfair. I'd like a nice lunch out from a shop or takeaway each day, and I'd like readymeals and nice things if I don't fancy what the others are having, but I don't, as if I did it too we'd be spending an extortionate amount of money per month on food.
YANBU that would drive me nuts. I would cook for yourself and the children and let him sort himself when he comes in!
auntm his spending is pointless, and is frittering money that the OP has said could be better used elsewhere. Grownups aren't the only members of this family.
Some weeks he is spending around £70 per week on food for himself. Many families of five, or with more people, have that amount per week for an entire food budget. I'm sure he'd moan if I started spending £70 per week on clothes, or beauty treatments for myself.
I serve large portion sizes, Euphemia.
YANBU. It is incredibly rude to turn your nose up at the meal you have cooked and go and buy something else. If my partner did that then I would not be making them tea again.
I would hate to be told what I can and can't eat. It would annoy me if my partner grudged me a nice lunch at work. If you don't have the money, that's one thing, but you say you do. So it's the principle of him using money he's earned on something he likes that annoys you? Sorry, but I still think YABU.
YANBU. That dinner sounds lovely, I'll eat his if he's going to be an arse about it
Can you agree that you each have a certain amount of 'spends' each month? Then if he wants to spend all his on food then he can, and you can spend yours how you wish?
Or alternatively sit down and go through the budget and ask him what he suggests cutting back on to accommodate his gluttony.
Exactly, Euphemia. We are lucky that we have a decent/generous food budget in the first place, but nothing is ever good enough or enough for him when it comes to food. We've discussed tonight's meal and he says it sounds nice,but I guarantee there will be something 'missing' from it or he'll find some reason to go and spend an extra £10 or so at the shop.
I feel like matching every amount he spends pound for pound for myself, and then spending it on myself each week, to try to make him get the jist of how much he is overspending.
Aunt - if he's spending £5 a day for lunch, that's £25 a week. £100 a month, just on lunches for one person, which is almost enough to cover another weeks family shopping. That's not practical or sensible for anyone.
Yanbu, how selfish. Cooking for the family, meal planning and shopping is a lot of work. It is disrespectful to you and sending your dc a message that all that work means nothing. I would be really upset if my DP did that. He should be sitting with you all and having a meal togther. e
YANBU. My DH does this to a lesser extent (he doesn't work, is SAHD. I work part-time & I do the meal plans & most cooking). It massively annoys of that I check kitchen supplies, make meal plan, shopping list, check he is happy with it, them go to supermarket & he decides he fancies something else, or that I should have a 'treat'. Says 'you can you know'. I am trying to lose the baby weight, I have control of finances (he has no interest in or frankly any ability to budget.) Feels like he wants none of the responsibility but still wants to be able to choose to faff around with expensive food we can't afford & don't need.
Yes, or stop cooking enough for him and he can fend for himself entirely. It is bloody rude to turn his nose up when you have done all the planning and cooking.
Do you ever throw food away at the end of the week?
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