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to think this is rude? Wedding invite/Gift related.

(111 Posts)
DearJohnLoveSavannah Mon 15-Apr-13 16:05:42

I've been invited to a wedding in June, I used to be quite close to the bride (lived together for 2 years) however due to her moving away, busy lives etc we only get to chat now and again - mostly over email.

I got an invite to her wedding as an evening guest - which from the above of us not being as close anymore is totally fine. All day guests should be for family and close friends.

The part that annoys me is that included in my invitation was a gift list. I've had a look and the cheapest thing I could see was £60.

Is it cheeky to expect or hope that people who have only been invited to the evening reception to buy you something an all day guest would?

Floralnomad Mon 15-Apr-13 16:10:36

Personally I think its quite cheeky to expect anyone to spend £60 . Buy something off list or some vouchers .

CandidaDoyle Mon 15-Apr-13 16:11:19

YANBU. I think it's very cheeky to ask for presents full stop, especially when the cheapest is £60!

I think it is cheeky to ask guests to spend that much minimum, on a wedding gift. We did do a wedding list, but we made sure that there were plenty of things on it to suit all budgets.

CunfuddledAlways Mon 15-Apr-13 16:12:30

find a cheaper alternative to something on list? cheeky yes. i haven't got a gift list didnt send anything out with invites, my mum thinks i need to have one, i think that if people want to bring a present then they are welcome too but if not it wasn't expected anyway IYSWIM?

everlong Mon 15-Apr-13 16:13:11

I think enclosing a gift list is cheeky.

Vouchers? For the amount that you would have spent?

MaxPepsi Mon 15-Apr-13 16:14:13

I had a wedding list. It went in my evening invites also.

I hoped for but didn't automatically expect gifts from any of my day or evening guests.

I put it in as I knew I'd be asked about presents.

However the cheapest thing on my list was £2.99!!!

Where is the gift list? Just buy them a voucher for the shop?

girlywhirly Mon 15-Apr-13 16:15:50

Treat the gift list as 'for advice only' and get a present you can afford. I think brides should have a range of prices items really. Guests often ignore the list anyway and buy what they like, if you're not that close nowadays it shouldn't be a problem. If she takes issue with it then yes, she is being cheeky and unreasonable.

suzanski Mon 15-Apr-13 16:16:34

YANBU - that's outrageous! I think £20 is more than enough for an evening reception.

Bejeena Mon 15-Apr-13 16:16:57

I think it is definitely cheeky to include a list in all invitations to be honest. We didn't send anything with ours but people asked about a list so we did one after that and emailed them the info.

Why not just give money in a card say £20?

DearJohnLoveSavannah Mon 15-Apr-13 16:17:50

I don't mind gift lifts in general. They are practical, I'd way rather get someone something they actually wanted.

But I just think it's cheeky and yes to include that gift lift to evening guests.

Nice to know I might not be being unreasonable.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 15-Apr-13 16:17:57


tumbletumble Mon 15-Apr-13 16:19:49

£60 is much more than I'd spend as an evening guest. Could you get something off the list but go halves with a friend?

arabesque Mon 15-Apr-13 16:34:23

My understanding was always that evening only guests just gave a small present, or clubbed together as a group (say if it was a crowd from work) to buy something from the gift list. Definitely you shouldn't be expected to buy as large a present as the people who will be at the drinks reception and the meal.

catgirl1976 Mon 15-Apr-13 16:36:28



Go off list

Still18atheart Mon 15-Apr-13 16:39:23

I agree with Dear John. I'd prefer to be buy something which I know they want.

However, YANBU about the whole cheapest gift is £60 thing

iklboo Mon 15-Apr-13 16:41:49

Definitely cheeky!

We've just been invited to DH's cousin's wedding. They have been together 9 years & have two children. Their invitation says:

DS is welcome
They don't want any gifts. Our company is enough for them OR we can donate to their favourite charity.

Do we need to report them to anyone for this?

grovel Mon 15-Apr-13 16:51:57

That's the point really, iklboo. Wedding lists date back to the time when couples were probably living with their respective parents before marriage. They needed tons of stuff to set up a home together. Nowadays most couples are either living independently of their parents or co-habiting.

middleagedspread Mon 15-Apr-13 16:55:04

We were sent a gift list from Harrods no less. I bought 2 forks. I figured that other people would too.
I do hope that they use MY forks and think 'why thank you MAS' everyday.

LineRunner Mon 15-Apr-13 17:03:50

I had a cute evening invitation from a friend recently. 'Greg and I are getting hitched. We are combining two homes. If anyone wants any of our copious stuff, please come and help yourselves. Otherwise just turn up and have a ball.'

We are doing a "friends' collection" and putting in £10-£30 each, depending on who is skint/not so skint, and will give them the cash in an envelope from 'your friends'. So stress-free.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 15-Apr-13 17:09:30

Definitely think vouchers for the same shop is the way to go. Any sum you care to donate. In my day people proffered a gift list for guests stuck for ideas, it wasn't rigid.

LineRunner Mon 15-Apr-13 17:13:43

A toast rack used to be an acceptable gift. Or a towel.

Anything with a plug was like winning 'Bullseye'.

Bearwantsmore Mon 15-Apr-13 17:16:10

Going against the tide here... but it is possible that there were cheaper items on the list which have already been bought? This always happens to me as I tend to leave it until the last minute to go online to buy the gift then end up with a choice between a candelabra and an ornate punch bowl or some such.

I agree though, the gift list should be treated only as a guide and you should feel free to get your own thing!

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 15-Apr-13 17:17:57

They still are acceptable gifts. I've bought towels, toasters, kettles, bedding, all the boring stuff, for mates who needed them.

I've also bought stuff like bulbs for the garden, or fancy tea, or DVDs or books, for people who'd set up home yonks ago but mysteriously hadn't turned into wankers in the intervening time.

It's the people who ask for a 120 quid fancy device as the cheapest option, or a donation to a holiday in the Maldives, who piss me off.

Fluffy1234 Mon 15-Apr-13 17:24:34

I'd just give a bottle of champagne.

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