AIB xenophobic or is she BU?(78 Posts)
My friend is not from the UK, but from anther English speaking country. Her DH is British. They have a child who was born here. She's always going on about how great her country is, how she can't wait to move back there, how rubbish the UK is, how she could never bear to have another child here because the NHS is so bad etc etc.
Her DH is looking for jobs in her country. Although she keeps moaning about how the jobs he's applying for are in the wrong part of her country. He works in a very limited field so I think anything he can find would be good, if they are so desperate to go back.
They are currently back in her country visiting friends and family. Today she emailed me and a few of our other friends a video of the baby food aisle of a supermarket saying 'There's so much more choice here!'.
AIBU to tell her stop going on and on about how great her country is? She chose to move here. And now there are opportunities to go home, why is she moaning about them?
I know this post sounds a bit xenophobic, but I don't mean to be. I just find the constant comparisons of the UK and her home very negative and frankly rude.
You are only xenophobic if you make this about her being a foreigner- which frankly you do seem to be doing- rather than about her being a rude and silly woman who is never satisfied.
I knew someone like that in the US when I was younger and working in a shop. She was a co-worker. She used to sit in the break room and go on and on about how superior Germany was to the US.
I finally said to her, being young and much ruder then "Then why do you live here?"
It shut her up for awhile.
Sounds like your friend wants to go home. Nothing wrong with that.
Some peopler like complaining.
If it wasn't about that it would be about something else.
Let her get on with it.
If she keeps going on about it just ask if she's not board of that topic yet and whether she could find something else to moan about.
I would be very worried about anyone videoing a baby food aisle. Maybe she has no idea that babies can eat ordinary food? Maybe she can't cook? Do they have adequate cooking facilities where she's from?
I thought all the things you say she's said would make her fit right in here OP
I don't think either of you are being particularly unreasonable, but it sounds very very dull.
And yes I'd be asking her if she's lost the plot with the baby aisle video
You could always try the old Mumsnet 'Did you mean to be so rude (about the country I'm from)?'...
Is she from the US? I have a friend who is exactly the same and she is from the US, we might know the same person
Jokes aside, it might be that she is very homesick, because that's how my friend feels and that why I listen to her complains
and haven't run away so far
My friend actually asks for things to be sent from the US when the same brands are available here
I think that is a waste of money, but since it's not my money, I keep my mouth shut
She could just like complaining, some people are like that.
No, you're not xenophobic and yes she is being rude. I say this as a foreigner living in the UK who gets very homesick for her own country
Oh yes, I used to know a friend from the US. Same litany. Everything is bigger, better over there. Three years here, and she has toned down a lot. Quieter, more thoughtful, doesnt show off that much. Says so much for the UK Influence.
And funny thing, she wasnt even a native of the US, going back decades. She was a first generation immigrant.
Yanbu I would tell her that if things are sooo bad here then she should go. It becomes very draining to listen to some people banging on about how great/ fantastic their own countries are when they reside some where else. I live outside of the UK (my DH job) and I get homesick too but I don't complain about the negatives--too much-- especially to the 'locals'. She isn't a prisoner she can leave, just as I can (and do) when I need to get away.
Just because she's homesick doesn't give her free rein to be obnoxious. I think she sounds rude and extremely irritating.
You can be patriotic (and dislike the negativity towards the UK) without being patriotic
other than that, totaly yawn. She needs to get a life and find something more interesting to discuss.
No, you're not being xenophobic, she sounds annoying, and even if she is homesick, she should learn not to bang on. I know someone who does this. On and on and on about how her country is so much better, the cycling is so much better, the language education is so much better, the country is so much more eco friendly, etc. etc. etc. Towards the end of her stay here she had some mates over and we all went out to the pub, her and me and another English girl, plus all of them. Cue two hours of 'oh, Britain is so much better, you would love it here, everything is better ...'
We couldn't believe it, she had no shame and obviously thought we wouldn't notice she'd done a complete about-face now she was trying to impress her Dutch mates.
I had a german housemate at uni who did this kind of thing.
Eg I was talking about my dyslexia (as had been asked about it) and she said that Germany has a lot less dyslexic people than britain (she was a photography student so I doubt she was really in any place to know)
Then comments about how awful x was here and how they don't have x in germany. From graffiti to poorly constructed housing to naughty children etc
It can grate one's gears after.a while.
I have a foreign colleague who is constantly making comparisons to home, slating everything British and her favourite phrase is "you wouldn't get that in my country people are just generally nicer".
Now I love the particular country she is from and have a few friends who live there, plus some distant family, so I have nothing against the country or the people from there, but quite often I DO want to say to this colleague "well fuck off back there then" ... while this iS a phrase that is much loved and used by xenophobics, racists and others of intolerant persuasion, as a response to the constant criticising of where someone spends most of there time, it can also be valid!
I tend to respond by saying "when do you plan to go back there, you must miss it terribly".
My mum has stayed in the UK all of her life, but has moved around the country a fair bit, she is always saying how much better where she is now, than where she was before, and anywhere she previously loved is 'shit' once her's moved on, until she is with people who live where she is at that moment, at which point she does exactly what LRD's friend does and slags off her current location. I just don't get it.
You have to laugh.
Can't be that much better if the parents in her country are so dependent on multinationals to feed their babies.
No grafitti in Germany?? Ha ha ha, take it your housemate hadn't been to Berlin then!
A video of the baby food aisle?!?!
That's really really strange!
YANBU. It's really annoying.
I have a friend who came from another European country but grew up in the UK (boarding school and then uni) and her parents lived all over the world with their job. She would forever tell us how the people, food , laws, road system, everything was so much better in her country.
She finally got a job there and lasted a whole 6 months. She hated it! She's back in the UK now still telling us how much greater it is there.
Is there any point in being friends? Her moaning is annoying and she'll be moving soon anyway.
She sounds like she's from the US. and very homesick. Sadly if she has lived in the UK for a long enough time, moving back here may not help. Her Dh won't have anywhere near the time off he got in UK and has to work a year to earn it. It'll probably be reverse culture shock.
I hope she can figure it out. Encourage her to get her UK citizenship before she moves, because if she does move, and changes her mind, moving back is now harder under the new immigration rules that came in last summer.
Poor woman I feel quite bad for her.
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