To get annoyed that DH just does DIY all weekend, every weekend?(87 Posts)
Yes, I know I should be grateful he wants the house to look nice etc etc, but seriously, all weekend, every weekend?
This means several negative things for me; we get no family time at all. I am left in sole charge of 3 DCs plus all household chores. The house is often a mess because there is dust, mess, dust sheets, tools, boxes, everywhere whilst it is taking place. It often means that we are inconvenienced for the day, for example yesterday we had no water all day as it was switched off whilst he installed a sink. He started the work in the morning before I got up, and it meant I couldn't have a shower or even brush my teeth until yesterday evening, and we also couldn't flush the loos all day!
I'm a bit fed up with it. He's doing more work today. We do have water though thank goodness. Once he's done one job, he's onto another. We never get to do anything as a family, and I never get any downtime at weekends.
Oh and one other thing, he thinks because he's spent 12 hours doing DIY, I should spend 12 hours doing non-fun jobs in the house too, when it's his choice to do DIY, not my choice, and I think weekends are for relaxing and for spending time as a family.
YANBU. Does he expect you to clean up the mess? Does he discuss which jobs he is going to do before starting them?
Most importantly, does he finish what he starts?
No, he generally cleans the mess up himself, and he does finish what he's started. He does discuss things sometimes, but it's not up for debate really, it's a case of 'I'm going to do X, Y and Z today'. And then in other cases he just gets up, pulls on his work clothes and starts working, as in yesterdays case.
My OH is useless at diy, could you send yours to my house..only when he's finished all your jobs though!
Oh dear can you send him round to mine I've got loads that needs doing. In fairness he probably thinks he's doing he best thing for the family by doing DIY when actually you'd prefer the family time. I think you need a conversation to find a compromise!
In that case, I am a little bit jealous! (apart from the no water bit).
I'm not too sure really Andcake. Sometimes I think he does it to get time alone and so that he doesn't have to deal with the DCs and do mundane day to day things for them such as take the youngest to the loo, and prepare meals for them. All that's left up to me
YABU I have no DH so have to do the DIY and childcare together as well as all the cleaning up hence nothing ever gets finished. Send him to me.
Can we swap?
You send him to me and he can do as much DIY as he likes and you can borrow DP who likes nothing more than relaxing on his days off.
He sounds fantastic. Please send him round here!
Think yourself lucky OP, I have a DH a bit like yours. BUT he spends about half the weekend doing DIY and then often rewards himself with doing his hobby on the other weekend day . Fails to realise I need a break too!
He works hard and is good at DIY, but is a terrible non-finisher - kind of gets DIYers-block IYSWIM! House is full of unfinished jobs.
Your DH sounds like he works hard and does things well which is great, but I do share your feeling that life is too short and the kids are only young for so long. I dreeeeeeam of 'getting a man in'
to do the DIY of course .
What state would the house be in though if he didn't? can you afford tradesmen to get it finished?
Oh come on with all the "think yourself lucky" and "send him round here" comments. Op I think he's taking the mick and hiding from family life . Imagine if you had said "on the playstation" instead of diy. Although the diy is more productive I agree.
You need to have a chat with him and try to reach a compromise. Him doing anything every and all weekend is not fair.
YABU but only hindsight will help you see this as in my case.
Many years ago my dh was the same, throughout our marriage so far we have had several moves. The value he has added to those houses through DIY is unbelievable. Come to sell and you'll reap the rewards. I know it seems bad at the time but believe me if he does this on 3 houses, your mortgage will be paid.
He cleans up, which is fantastic. He probably doesn't discuss with you for the same reason mine didn't. He had thought it through and knew what needed to be done, they are so good at project management some dhs.
Massively unfair of him. Why should you have to do all the childcare all weekend with no breaks?
Fair enough it's productive but all weekend? Does he realise how rubbish this makes your life? Weekends are precious and not just for one person to unilaterally decide how things should be.
Go out for breakfast before he gets up next Saturday and have some time for yourself at the very least.
morethanpotatoprints: you'll only reap rewards if it's well done.
And why on earth wouldn't they talk to their spouse about it? Do they think they are the only person who can decide what happens to the house?
" but it's not up for debate really, it's a case of 'I'm going to do X, Y and Z today'."
And therein lies the problem. IMO, you see his DIY as a cop-out, an avoidance of all things domestic. And given it's all/every weekend, I'd be inclined to agree with you.
Hoe about you manoeuvre him into a compromise? Ask about what DIY he wants to do and suggest setting out a schedule so that he can make best use of his time, because some jobs are dependent on others preceding them, e.g. it would have been a bad idea for him to redecorate the bathroom before putting in the new sink because then he'd just have to do it all again. And this would allow e.g. the parts to be bought in in advance, so that he can just get on with it on the day. Having made the case that would be to the benefit of his
hobby DIY, you could also point out that knowing what is happening when works for you too, e.g. with the sink you could have stored some water the night before or arranged a day out with the DC where there were flushing loos. And - this would also allow a few free weekends to be scheduled in, where you do things as a family. Because you can't work this hard DH, you need some exposure to boring domestic tasks downtime too, dear.
I'm with the "I'm jealous" line of thought.
OK, if it literally were all day, every weekend then that would wear you down, but if your house needed that much work doing to it, then you would have ben awre of that when you bought it.
No way would I be jealous of someone who has to put with no support all.weekend, dust, noise, general disruption. No matter how good the bloke looks in a tool belt.
Mine didn't always talk to me about it and I was showing the OP empathy as I can remember what it was like. I just don't sweat that small stuff now after 20+ years of marriage. .
If the OP said the job wasn't well done, I missed this bit.
Of course there are other factors like selling when the market is good to maximise profit etc. But I thought this was not applicable to the DIY conversation.
My dad was like this, our childhood passed him by and he regretted it and tells my husband to aimless DIY! Plan a family day he has to join in with.
My Dh does this too, but doesn't expect me to match it. He comes inside to find me with my feet up checking MN a lot.
So this week, on his days off I have warned him it's days off time. It's my birthday and I want to go out for lunch while Dd is in school and wander the shops together. No DIY allowed. next week he can get back to it if he wants.
BTW are you sure he expects you to match work while he's DIYing? I used to think Dh did, turns out he doesn't care what I'm up too, I do the usual, cooking a bit of washing, or ironing, but don't put forth extra effort just cause he's obsessed.
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