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to feel like crying in frustration?

(13 Posts)
alisunshine29 Sun 17-Feb-13 16:57:22

I have an 8 month old DD. I'm in my final year of a difficult degree and up until now was getting firsts for all assignments. My degree is vitally important for future career prospects. I co-sleep and though I try to do my assignments at night, DD very rarely sleeps for longer than an hour without me there and then takes ages to settle - consequently I barely get anything done. DP takes her occasionally on his days off (he works shifts) but only for an hour or two at most at a time. She is EBF, won't take a bottle/cup and isn't interested in food yet but can obviously go longer than 1/2 hours between feeds. DP is also studying at the moment and gets to do hours of work at night, though his makes no difference to career, and I feel like crying with frustration that I'm so far behind with my degree and see no way of catching up. AIBU?

trashcanjunkie Sun 17-Feb-13 17:05:50

hey there! go easy on yourself, it sounds like your doing amazing. Completeing a degree with a dd so young is no mean feat. Can you let yourself off with the need for 1sts? 2/1s are just fine!

Re the constant feeding.... My twins were still ebf at eight months. One twin was as you describe your dd. I was at my wits end and studying also. I gradually (not that gradual mind!) reduced the breast feeding to morning only. They still took a lot of milk, but not feeding a t night meant the bed time routine kicked in a bit, and they were much more interested in food through the day.

trashcanjunkie Sun 17-Feb-13 17:07:05

also, talk to your tutors. Get extensions if need be! it won't affect your final mark, but you must talk to them and keep them informed. They want you to do well, and are used to this!

trashcanjunkie Sun 17-Feb-13 17:09:46

oh and by the way dp needs to pull his socks up and help more!!! can you have a word?

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 17:10:13

Ohh I had one of those children!

What sort of pattern do you have to your day? How many hours are spent at university? Who minds her then? Could you spend more time in the library? How do you manage with feeding her when you're at university?

She sounds as though she should be ready for some food. What have you tried her with? Has your partner tried giving her food?

You are taking on a big job trying to ebf a baby who's that age. Maybe her lack of sleep is due to the fact she needs to keep feeding?

(And I bf mine, before anyone jumps down my throat!)

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 17:11:11

How near are you to a library or to a friend's house with a spare room?

You need to get out in the evening and leave the baby with your partner. He's getting away FAR too lightly here.

worridmum Sun 17-Feb-13 21:36:31

Didnt the OP say her husband was studying aswell as working? so in all fairness while he may not be doing the exact same level of childcare. you cant expect him to pick up all the slack with childcare (tho he deffo can do more but YABU to expect him to take over all childcare while you study as he has to study to).

by the sound of it you value your own studies above your DP and you are sounding like you want to get support in telling him to abondon his studies so you can have more time to study if this is the case YABVVVVVVVVVU as his studies are just as important.

If you are struggling with the uni work my best advise is to go talk to your tutors, as they can't help you if you dont tell them you are struggling. sadly I was in your situation while studying for my degree with twins (slightly younger then yours at 6 months in final year). My DP was working full time to support me in university and to provide us with our home so was working 60+ a week most weeks to meet ends meat so in the end I decided to contine the course part time so all the required work was spread across 2 years rather then one which allowed me to complete my degree as I had more time to be felxiable.

Good luck with your degree it will be worth it and persit as the DC will grow out of this phase soon. and am sorry if I came across as a bit harsh I had to deal with a ex friend putting tons of pressure onto her DP to quit his course (Law at cambridge) so she could study full time while he did the majorty of the childcare.

alisunshine29 Sun 17-Feb-13 22:05:08

She isn't feeding all night, she is just used to me being there and so wakes often if I'm not. I'm at Uni two days per week, DP comes too and meets me at lunch for me to feed her. I'm in lectures the rest of those days and get no time in the library. I can't just leave her in the evening as DP works away and when he's here she won't settle with him at all and feeds to sleep which obviously he can't do. Plus I have nowhere to go! I'm not saying he must abandon his studies to help me with mine - he can study as and when he likes (including at work) and only works 4 days on/4 off and 3 on/5 off so he has ample time to himself

worridmum Sun 17-Feb-13 22:22:10

Ok now that information put it into a different light get your DP to help you and am sorry I was overly harsh.

But you really need to book a time slot to visit your tutor and get support for your studies as most universities has support in place just for these occanstions as when I was studying at oxford the support I receved from the university was amazing and really helped me deal with the work loads.

Good luck alisun I hope you get everything sorted and If you need any advise of getting support from your university you are welcome to PM me

alisunshine29 Sun 17-Feb-13 22:31:41

I can only get extensions for 'extenuating circumstances.' Baby co-sleeping/cutting teeth/having a cold doesn't cut it.

aldiwhore Sun 17-Feb-13 22:39:54

Speak to your tutor. There are a number of options available to you. Extensions may be only for extenuating circumstances, but that is very vague... most extensions will be granted if you tutor is aware of your situation. A note from your GP may also be useful... it may cost £15, but it's evidence.

You can defer if things really get on top of you, or even suspend your studies... again you need to discuss your options with your tutor.

You have an 8 month old baby! You want a first. Now, you obviously can't omit the motherly duties or put them on suspension so you need to start thinking that if you want a first, you may have to take the pressure off yourself a little and take a little longer to get there.

Note that I do not comment on ifs and maybes regarding your DP... I trying to concentrate on your area of influnece, the options that YOU have. You DO have options. Good luck. First step of course is to speak to your tutor, or any lecturer that you get on with, your programme leader, or head of department.

Good luck.

aldiwhore Sun 17-Feb-13 22:41:01

By the way I deal with extensions every week that are because of 'life becoming too much'. x

alisunshine29 Sun 17-Feb-13 23:04:50

Financially I can't afford to defer or suspend studies. It isn't that I have my heart set on getting a first (though obviously I'd like to) but currently I'm spending about 20% of the time I truly need on assignments and my grades are going to be awful.

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