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aibu to request friends and family follow these guidelines given by a pediatrician. (recovery from RSV)

(51 Posts)
honeytea Sun 27-Jan-13 17:25:00

My 5 week old ds has just been released from hospital after spending 5 days on a high dependency ward because of breathing problems due to rs virus.

It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me, it was awful to see my baby fighting to breathe and turn blue. He was one of the lucky ones on the ward many of the babies were in intensive care.

When ds was discharged a pediatrician came and spoke to us about how to best avoid problems once we are home.

She said we should not take him out (apart from walks outside) for the next 2 weeks because he could still be contagious, after 2 weeks we should avoid crowded places and small children to avoid catching influenza or norovirus as his body is already weak from RSV.

They suggested that we avoid smoke and if we have smokers in our family that they shower and change clothes before holding ds.

They also suggested people wash their hands and count to 10 and use alcohol gel.

We asked smokers in our family to wash their hands and wait 30 minutes before holding ds before he git I'll and it caused trouble with mil who felt personally offended.

The handwashing should continue till April when the risk of winter viruses goes down, the avoiding cigarette smoke should continue till ds is 6 months.

Is this asking too much?

Flobbadobs Sun 27-Jan-13 17:27:10

Absolutely not, YANBU at all. This isn't being done on a whim, it's medical advice and should be followed.

BoysAreLikeDogs Sun 27-Jan-13 17:28:59

MIL can shower/change clothes if she choses to smoke or not see the baby, it's quite simple, really; none of the guidelines are too much where your poorly baby is concerned.

What does DH say?

thixotropic Sun 27-Jan-13 17:31:46

Dd was in scbu. I doubtless offended several people with a similar policy - as advised by the scbu outreach nurse.

Bollocks to em.

Baby's health is more important. I threw a family friend out or the house when they turned up with 2 kids with colds. She got over it.

BambieO Sun 27-Jan-13 17:33:50

Definitely NBU, your baby is the number one priority and their health is far more important than the 'pain and hellish torture' of a smoker (or non smoker for that matter!) having to wash their hands! MIL should be ashamed of herself! Tiny babies are precious and if you want hands washed it won't kill MIL!

If she refuses ask her to smell her hands after a cigarette! As an ex smoker myself trust me you don't notice until it hits you in the face just what gets left on your hands shock

NormaStanleyFletcher Sun 27-Jan-13 17:34:01

YANBU. How could you possibly bu?

BambieO Sun 27-Jan-13 17:34:35

Just realised how many '!' I used blush sorry it's wine o'clock

irlouise13 Sun 27-Jan-13 17:34:59

Who cares who is offended - your tiny child is more important than their feelings - I prob wouldn't let a smoker next or near him if it was me!! They have a choice, they either do what you ask or they don't see him - up to them

Mumsyblouse Sun 27-Jan-13 17:35:06

Wow, your family are completely unreasonable. If a friend told me these rules, I'd be more than happy to comply, I would hate to think I was making a tiny baby sick again. I cannot see how you can be offended by basic infection control measures with a small sick baby. Poor you.

DeepRedBetty Sun 27-Jan-13 17:37:52

Is your MIL normally so thick?

"MIL, it is only until the Drs feel he is no longer at risk." or "His Drs INSIST" (blame it on the Drs), that usually works.

WilsonFrickett Sun 27-Jan-13 17:39:05

Mil is either going to have to get over feeling offended or not see her GC. It's as simple as that. And it's your DP's job to tell her so.

diddl Sun 27-Jan-13 17:42:49

Well MIL wouldn´t be seeing baby if it was me.

TBH, I´d be wanting smokers to keep away.

Unless they´d showered, put on clean clothes & come straight to see baby.

RooneyMara Sun 27-Jan-13 17:47:52

I have asked people not to touch ds's face, politely of course, and he hasn't even been ill.

You're so far from unreasonable it's hard to articulate.

Good luck and I hope he is better really soon.

Goldmandra Sun 27-Jan-13 17:49:09

You need to do what the paed advised if for no other reason than that you would never forgive yourselves or your MIL if you didn't and he became ill again.

Doctors don't give out that sort of advice without very good reason. It is bsd on research and direct experience.

If you MIL wants to argue with someone give her the name of the paed and ask her to argue the toss with him.

In the meantime the rules stand and she can like it or lump it.

I hope your DH will back you up.

edam Sun 27-Jan-13 17:50:36

Poor ds, that must have been terrifying for you. YANBU at all - I smoke but I'd happily follow your doctor's advice. She can always chew nicotine gum if she can't go long with out a cigarette, fgs.

SofiaAmes Sun 27-Jan-13 17:52:00

I completely understand. I have asthma and if I'm tired or getting over a cold, just standing next to someone who has smoked a cigarette an hour ago will give me an asthma attack. I am sure that a newborn recovering from rsv will have even more sensitive lungs.

splashymcsplash Sun 27-Jan-13 17:52:11


The advice re smoking should be adhered to for all children. It is really rather vile for adults to expose children to cigarette smoke.

ShiftyFades Sun 27-Jan-13 17:53:21

My DS had RSV at 5 weeks and again at 7 weeks, chances are he was discharged too early after the first hospitalisation.

I had similar guidance, certainly regarding the smokers. My DM smokes and on the odd occasion she got her lazy arse out of bed when she came to visit my DF brought a clean top for her to change into in the loos.

The fact that she couldn't wash and stay smoke free for an hour made me angry, especially as I'm a self righteous ex smoker.

You must stick to these rules, they are important and I learned the hard way that it can come back. The second occasion was terrifying as the GP dialled 999 and put him on oxygen in her consulting room sad

expatinscotland Sun 27-Jan-13 17:58:16

She can be offended and follow the rule or not see her grandchild.

PandaOnAPushBike Sun 27-Jan-13 18:01:51

Bloody hell Honey has your MIL worn you down so much with all her weird shit that you even need to ask this? YANBU whatsoever and your DP needs to be the one to tell her and make sure she bloody well complies. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and hope your little one gets better soon.

honeytea Sun 27-Jan-13 18:05:40

Dp mentioned casually that we had been advised to keep ds away from crowds, ill people and smoke, I didn't hear what mil said but his reply was " I'd rather take a pediatrician's advice rather than your advice regarding cigarette smoke" so I assume she disagreed.

The way I see it is ds doesn't need to be held by people with dirty hands or cigarette smoke on them so if they don't want to follow the guidelines that is fine they just won't get to hold ds.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 27-Jan-13 18:09:30


It's surprising just how many people don't get it.
My mil barely spoken to me for refusing to take dd2 round hers when they all smoke and shed just got out with bronchiolitis. Unfortunately u have to get used to offending people sad

Lamazeroo Sun 27-Jan-13 18:17:30

Umm, avoiding cigarette smoke should continue full stop. Not just until six months.

SilverClementine Sun 27-Jan-13 18:29:46

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. If it were me, I would clearly state that if anyone wanted to see the baby then they MUST abide by the rules. They shouldn't even be challenging you about it. End of.

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