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to write to the NHS using just my initials and to expect them not to assume I'm a Mr.

(120 Posts)
RedToothBrush Tue 22-Jan-13 08:04:17

I have made five FOI requests in the last month, using my initial and no title.

Two of the responses (so far) I've had have been addressed to Mr.

AIBU to think that I should be allowed not to state my gender and marital status when making formal and official enquiries and to simply be addressed as I have titled myself.

Is this really too much to ask or expect?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Tue 22-Jan-13 08:09:51

What were the other three - Dear J Smith?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Tue 22-Jan-13 08:10:12


EmmelineGoulden Tue 22-Jan-13 08:13:45

YANBU - They are being lazy and inflexible in their thinking (possibly in their computer systems which may require a title, not that that's an excuse).

What information were you after? <nosey>

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 22-Jan-13 08:14:13

YABU. It's courtesy in formal communications to address people by a title. In the absence of a title most organisations will default to 'Mr'.

LifeofPo Tue 22-Jan-13 08:17:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheCazzo Tue 22-Jan-13 08:19:10

Exactly what Po said. Get a grip. If you want such precise clarity on the issue make sure you provide all the relevant information. Maybe you shouldn't exactly have to but ffs - is this really the medium in which to make whatever point it is you have to make?


RuleBritannia Tue 22-Jan-13 08:23:53

I started my bank account more than 30 years ago and my cheques were printed with R Britannia. When I rang up with a query (can't remember what), I was told that they could not help because the account was held by a man. I argued because I'd put Mrs on the application form and they just had to look at that. Also, in the application form, I had the choice of what was going to be printed on the cheques (Rule Britannia, Mrs Rule Britannia, R Britannia, Mrs R Britannia). I got nowehere and my cheques are now Mrs R Britannia. <sulks>

bigkidsdidit Tue 22-Jan-13 08:23:57


women are 50% of he population - why is he default something that would be wrong 50% of the time?

Default should be either dear j smith or dear mr/ms

coraltoes Tue 22-Jan-13 08:31:31

Seriously?! Seeeeeeriously?! Get a fucking grip

mrsjay Tue 22-Jan-13 08:35:26

well what were they supposed to put I guess it is a default thing maybe use a title then they will just put what you are, the NHS hasn't time to work out who is who, FWIW my dh has what is seen as a 'girls name' try getting official letters through the post for years with MRS or MISS on it, even though he has written MR hundreds of times

SkinnybitchWannabe Tue 22-Jan-13 08:35:38

Yabu..does it really matter?
Get a grip

BarredfromhavingStella Tue 22-Jan-13 08:38:30

5 FOI requests??? You have a lot of time on your hands.....
If you're that bothered then you should make clear what title you wish to be used & stop trying to be awkward for the sake of it, the NHS have limited resources which can be better spent than pandering to people like you.

NewFerry Tue 22-Jan-13 08:39:02

I was taught at school that in the absence of a title, you should use Mr as a default, and if you need to refer to someone in the 3rd person, then the default is 'he'
I think yabu, sorry.

fourfingerkitkat Tue 22-Jan-13 08:39:15

YABU. Unless your treatment/appointment made it obvious that you are a woman then I think the NHS has more important things to worry about than guessing people's genders by their initials.

Is this another wind up ? If so I'm getting reaaaaaallly bored with them now.

bigkidsdidit Tue 22-Jan-13 08:41:55

Why do people get so angry about this? I'm sure the OP does have other things to worry about and this is not her main concern on life! She didn't rant in the OP. why the replies telling her to get a grip, and the rudeness?

Just because something is tradition doesn't mean it's always right.
I don't see why titles need be used at all

mrsjay Tue 22-Jan-13 08:47:39

<whispers> what is FOI ?

EmmelineGoulden Tue 22-Jan-13 08:48:04

The OP hasn't said the NHS should waste any time at all thinking about what gender or title to use. The OP has said the NHS should use the name supplied to them and not alter it.

EmmelineGoulden Tue 22-Jan-13 08:49:33

mrsjay FOI is Freedom of Information.

CelticPromise Tue 22-Jan-13 08:50:05

YANBU. That is all.

YouOldSlag Tue 22-Jan-13 08:57:11

YABU and crotchety. You can put Ms and nobody needs to know if you're married or single or whatever.

My DH's initials are D.R Slag and he sometimes gets post addressed to Dr Slag. Do I get all huffy because they have incorrectly guessed details about him? Nope.

If you're not supplying the gender bit, you can't blame them for guessing it wrong.

Why won't you let them know your gender? Is it a secret? Is it private? or are you passively aggressively withholding information so that you can be annoyed when a computer or overstretched admin person didn't have time to play detective with your request?

mrsjay Tue 22-Jan-13 08:57:18

oh ok thanks, the OP should probably take her complaint to the NHS records department if she is miffed, it is common sense that people who type letters are trained to put mr mrs or whatever,

PessaryPam Tue 22-Jan-13 09:01:24

Rule, I absolutely refused to be Mrs PessaryPam to our bank, I still use my maiden name. I remember my Mum getting upset that she had to get all OKed from her husband on their joint Mr & Mrs account and vowed I would never let that happen to me. You get much more respect if you have a different surname.

PessaryPam Tue 22-Jan-13 09:01:55

And I'm a Ms to the bank too, why should they know my marital status?

mrsjay Tue 22-Jan-13 09:04:01

they dont need to know your maritial status but to deny people knowing your gender is a little strange imo, people are not genderless so the use of ms as a title is fine

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