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To be upset that DP has just called me XW name?

(63 Posts)
PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 18:06:51

I asked a question about whether he had heard from friend who was supposed to be coming to ours tonight. In his answer he called me XW name. I was absolutely aghast and repeated the name. My DS was in room and sort of laughed in shock.

DP was enraged at me! He ranted at me as thought I'd said something wrong. I was incredulous, I said (calmly) why are you shouting at me, I haven't said anything, shouldn't you be apologising? He ranted on about being on the phone to Sky all afternoon as though that was an excuse. He then brought up my XP and said (yelled) that I talked about him enough (this really is untrue, I have no interest whatsoever in XP and never refer to him, I never see him, never hear from him and am grateful). He then said he was going to apologise but I went off on one before he got the words out. The only two things I said were as stated above.

He said that if I had a problem with him calling me that then that was my shit and nothing to do with him. He left the room, I looked at DS, both of looking completely bewildered, DS said "massive over-reaction, I just thought it would've been laughed off."

missmatched Sun 13-Jan-13 18:15:10

No your not bu.

Bloody men,it must be were the moon is I had my head bitten off before because I asked are you makeing toast.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 13-Jan-13 18:16:45

Your DS has the measure of it,your DP over reacted massively.

It's easy to slip up if you have spent a long time with a person,my DM called my DSD my DD's name once or twice when they hadn't been together that long, she just apologised and they laughed it off.

FogClearing Sun 13-Jan-13 18:17:36

He must have been thunking of her and went ott defencively at being picked up on it. Is he still in love with her?


Thisisaeuphemism Sun 13-Jan-13 18:17:57

I think he did over react, however, I nearly get names wrong all the time - v often I get a "phew that was close" feeling! It means nothing but I know it's irritating to be on the receiving end!

LPplusOne Sun 13-Jan-13 18:19:36

At least it wasn't while in bed together!

waltermittymistletoe Sun 13-Jan-13 18:20:34

I don't understand why he shouted at you?!

HecatePropolos Sun 13-Jan-13 18:20:45


Why did he overreact like that?

NatashaBee Sun 13-Jan-13 18:20:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 18:25:49

I honestly have no idea why he shouted or reacted like that. I am in still in shock about it. He not the type to apologise for anything. He is more likely to try and explain it away rather than say he was wrong.

lpplusone ha yes I suppose I should be grateful for that. Mind, it's a wonder he didn't say that!

StuntGirl Sun 13-Jan-13 18:30:26

He sounds like he got defensive and so got angry. HWBU.

ReindeerBollocks Sun 13-Jan-13 18:31:17

Weird overreaction on his part. That's the worst way to react!

You did nothing wrong - he is being an arse about it. Your DS sounds very clued up though.

JustFabulous Sun 13-Jan-13 18:34:12

Total over reaction on his part but it is so easy to get the name wrong. I have been known to call my dd the cats name and often get my children's names wrong.

You were wrong to have a tantrum when he was about to apologise though. Why did you?

HecatePropolos Sun 13-Jan-13 18:34:15

Does he routinely shout and yell at you and try to make everything your fault? Or is this something you've not seen before?

PandaOnAPushBike Sun 13-Jan-13 18:34:52

I've done this several times. Nothing to do with thinking of the ex or still being in love with the ex at all. Lots to do with getting older and brain being slightly fuddled. Thankfully my ex has the same name as my brother so I manage to slip under the radar.

I also frequently call my daughter by the dog's name. That one's not so easy to get away with. grin

HecatePropolos Sun 13-Jan-13 18:36:57

She didn't, Fab. He just claims that he was about to apologise when she 'had a tantrum' - but what she describes as her reaction isn't a tantrum. A shocked face and saying "jane?" (or whatever) isn't a tantrum. Then he started on her. Then she asked him why he was yelling.

to me, it seems like he said that (I was going to apologise but... blah blah blah...) to make her the bad guy.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 13-Jan-13 18:37:13

Fair enough, Panda, but do you then shout at DD for noticing you called her by the wrong name?

greenplastictrees Sun 13-Jan-13 18:40:49

I expect your DH was probably embarrassed and that's why he over reacted. Still, no excuse for reacting like that. Can you be the bigger person, go and tell him you aren't annoyed about the name although are a little miffed about his reaction and ask him about it. I'd like to think he'd apologise at that stage!

JustFabulous Sun 13-Jan-13 18:41:24

" He then said he was going to apologise but I went off on one before he got the words out."

Hecate, that is what I meant. It reads as he said^ I am going to apologise.^ She then strops.

It could also read as he said I was going to apologise but you went off on one.... on second reading.

PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 18:42:04

hecate no he doesn't shout and yell at all, I can't remember him ever shouting like that. He can be a bit arsey sometimes. He is very thoughtful and the only 'excuse' for him (that I can come up with) is that he had rung Sky and sorted out HD, new box, package etc., he just did this, not asked to or anything. The call did take ages, as they do. So I believe he thought that he had done something that we would be really happy with and then it all went tits up and his good deed was spoiled. Maybe I'm clutching at straws but as DS observed 'massive over-reaction'.

As I said, he is not good at apologising and not very humble. He's very good at twisting things around when he's said something not quite right.

NewYearNewNagoo Sun 13-Jan-13 18:42:48

That was a massive over-reaction.

DH did it once, and I have done it, fairly early in the relationship. We shrugged it off, it's easily done I think.

It's not like you were shagging.

Why did he get so angry? Has he apologised yet? Is there a lot of history that would make this an especially terrible mistake?

PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 18:43:30

hecate spot on with how it happened.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 13-Jan-13 18:47:25

Sounds like you both massively over reacted.
Does it really bother you that much he called you by his ex's name?
I do it all the time with ds, the cats, my dog, hell everybody.


skullcandy Sun 13-Jan-13 18:49:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 18:50:04

Since it happened (bout 2hours ago), we haven't spoke. I continued to make tea for me and DS (DP having something separate, hence question about friend arriving).

Friend arrived and they are sat in kitchen, I am in living room. They will be going out to a meeting very soon. However, I will be amazed if he apologises, if he does bring it up at all -it will be trying to explain it away.

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