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To be unnerved about this man....

(155 Posts)
Everythingwillbeok Mon 07-Jan-13 15:33:31

One of my neighbours who I only know in passing has started cooking for me,I am not elderly nor do I live alone.
I am married and have 2 DC.Its not full meals or anything like that just samosas,onion basis things like that.
Initially I was very grateful and just assumed they were for all of us to share and perhaps he was lonely.

He is about 45 and very friendly,he does live alone with no children that I know of,but recently he has been dropping off food and commenting its only for me and has been very flirty and is constantly saying I am beautiful.I am now not eating the food anymore it just doesn't feel right. This only happens about once a month by the way it's not as if he cooking stuff every night.

Also he pushed a Christmas card through a couple of weeks ago which had all our names in spelt correctly including our DCs. Didn't know he knew their names.

It's all really come to a head now as I saw him last night in the street and he was again very flirty and telling me I'm beautiful. I felt so uneasy,bearing in mind he has never touched me or tried to enter the house AIBU?I don't know what I think will happen but it just feels inappropriate somehow. My DH hasn't really said much about the situation and is mildly amused although he doesn't know I saw him last night.

He seems like a very nice man but I'm worried for some reason.

threesocksmorgan Mon 07-Jan-13 15:35:23

how odd.
I think I would be getting my dh to growl at him.

WorraLiberty Mon 07-Jan-13 15:37:49

Tell him you're on a health kick so you won't be eating the food anymore?

OnceUponAThyme Mon 07-Jan-13 15:40:28

just tell him you're feeling uncomfortable with the attention and want him to stop?
just because he seems nice doesn't mean you have to accept something that makes you feel like this.

impty Mon 07-Jan-13 15:40:36

odd and you need to trust your instincts I think.

Pixieonthemoor Mon 07-Jan-13 15:40:41

Perhaps get your dh to return the next batch of food and say that you would appreciate him not sending anymore as you are on a healthy eating kick? That way, the neighbour is aware that your dh knows what is going on. Should put a stop to it, I would have thought?

MadamFolly Mon 07-Jan-13 15:43:49

I'd get DH to warn him off I think, he sounds a bit odd so may take your DH telling him to piss off more seriously than he would listen to you.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Mon 07-Jan-13 15:46:14

the flirty comments would make me uncomfortable as he knows you have a family

however when I overcook I go and knock round neighbours with it ocassionally, particularly if I bake because we're a small family and one batch is usually too much for us to finish. And have taken food that neighbours have dropped off too (excess home grown veggies were the last thing, or extra fish from fishing trips), I see it as quite a normal thing to do.

The "on a healthy eating" thing is a good idea, however it might promt more compliments IYKWIM. I'd go with "fridge full of leftovers from sunday" or something like that instead.

And if he tells you you're beautiful say "well my husband thinks so which is the main thing"

ThunderInMyHeart Mon 07-Jan-13 15:47:24

Agree with impty - instincts

Slumberparty Mon 07-Jan-13 15:50:23

Make sure your DP knows every encounter you have with this man, even if nothing really is said. In all likelihood, he is probably harmless, but trust your instincts all the same and start to distance yourself from him. If he tries to talk to you make out like you have somewhere to be so can't stop. Don't answer the door to him anymore, if you do, keep the conversation short. If he questions anything, then maybe just say that you feel your friendship is inappropriate since you are married, and that's that.
I wouldn't eat his food either! And the fact he knows your DCs names when you haven't told him them yourself is just creepy IMO.

Cailleach Mon 07-Jan-13 15:50:44

Sorry but I think you need to be blunt with him: just ask him if he thinks saying things like that to a married woman are appropriate, and that you would appreciate it if he would stop.

Women are conditioned to be people-pleasers who worry about upsetting people but you are quite within your rights not to be pestered by this man. He is frankly creepy and at 45 should have a better grasp of social situations than this.

I would also point out that men from some cultures take our willingness to interact at all with them in entirely the wrong way. By this I mean that because you smile politely at him and are prepared to talk to him, he assumes you are interested in him sexually. I suspect women from his culture who were not related to him would not even talk to him or look him in the eye, so what is normal social politeness to you is being interpreted entirely differently at his end. (Mind you, this applies to some men no matter what culture they are from.)

As tragic and depressing as that is, I really think you need to bear that in mind.

allthegoodnamesweretaken Mon 07-Jan-13 15:52:05

It is strange that he's still doing it, because you are obviously not reciprocating either the food or the compliments. You would think he would have stopped by now.

I too would feel unnerved by this, really you need to make it clear to him that it's inappropriate and its making you feel uncomfortable. I think it's probably best just to come out and say it as politely, but unapologetically as you can.

Then just to be on the safe side keep an incident diary of his response and any further unwanted contact so that you can use it against him if he ever turns nasty.

Good luck!

Wowserz129 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:54:24

I would trust your instincts and stay clear. Good idea to tell him your on a health kick!

Everythingwillbeok Mon 07-Jan-13 15:57:29

Yes I do agree with your comments, I also find it bizarre that he appears very nice to me but lives alone and doesn't really go anywhere/ have anyone visit.

I dread to think how he fills his time, planning his next batch of goodies grin

It's not funny really, I think he healthy eating suggestion is great with it being January and all.

I will say that next time hopefully he won't be too persistent, also another neighbour said he is always singing my praises which is creepy as I honestly hardly know him.

I didn't like him putting the DCs names in the card either very OTT. He has never tried to make conversation with either of them as far as I know though.

Icelollycraving Mon 07-Jan-13 16:22:17

You know what special ingredient he's adding just for you don't you?

Everythingwillbeok Mon 07-Jan-13 16:34:32

OMG please don't say that! It has crossed my mind.I've already consumed lots! It was yummy.You don't think he would do you?

Icelollycraving Mon 07-Jan-13 16:42:08

I do. He has. Sorry grin

Greensleeves Mon 07-Jan-13 16:43:26

Icelollycraving WHAT do you mean?!?!? <mind boggling>

ResolutelyCheeky Mon 07-Jan-13 16:47:03

He is a nice tasting 'extra ingredient'. Whats not to love? grin

Icelollycraving Mon 07-Jan-13 16:47:27

He calls them them onion bhajiz.

ResolutelyCheeky Mon 07-Jan-13 16:48:27

ice grin

Greensleeves Mon 07-Jan-13 16:48:49


NOBODY would do that. NOBODY.


HecatePropolos Mon 07-Jan-13 16:48:50

oh yuck.

Yes, I agree. Refuse to accept any more of his tasty treats. grin

He needs to know that nothing is going to happen here!

ResolutelyCheeky Mon 07-Jan-13 16:50:13

Does he make 'mann bread' to go with them?

Everythingwillbeok Mon 07-Jan-13 16:50:38

Oh sweet Jesus NO!!! That's why he insisted they were all for me bleurgh.

You really think someone would do that?

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