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Would you be happy for a photo of your child dressed

(313 Posts)
Mosman Wed 05-Dec-12 14:30:20

In a crop top, aged 11 to be circulated on the Internet ?
I'm fcuking fuming just not sure how to handle this.
When we joined the school I was given a form asking for a signature to authorise the children to be photographed. We declined. That as far as I'm concerned should have been the end of the matter.
Except this morning I get a phone to make sure I understand the implications of my child not bring photographed, I say that I do, I am told that she the teacher will explain to my child that she needs to ask mum if she questions why she cannot be photographed. Fine I say.
When the children arrive back into the classroom from assembly the teacher stands up in front of the class and announced that Dd is the only one who cannot have her picture taken, that she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this.
Later on in the day I received the school newsletter via email displaying DD's classmates performing a dance wearing cropped tops, midriffs on display, confirming everything I was concerned about.
How do I handle this effectively and get a satisfactory outcome ?

Labootin Wed 05-Dec-12 14:32:23

It's nice of them to give you a phone though...

Mosman Wed 05-Dec-12 14:33:36

The phone call was very much of the stop being a twat and let us do what we want tone

UterusUterusGhaLaLaLaLaLi Wed 05-Dec-12 14:34:08

It's very mean of them to announce it in assembly.

But, I wouldn't get angry about kids in cropped tops hmm.
They're in a production. Not on street corners!

Labootin Wed 05-Dec-12 14:35:22

To be serious dc's go to an international school (in a Muslim country) children here have the option of covering up (long sleeved t shirts and leggings in the same colours as the rather skimpy gym club leotards for example)

if you are not happy with midriffs (personally I'm a bit meh about it) then maybe my schools example is an appropriate compromise ?

WileywithSageStuffing Wed 05-Dec-12 14:35:58

I think it's quite extreme to say something is circulating the Internet when it has been e-mailed. Totally different things.

However, I would be angry if they had told my child they couldn't join choir if they were not allowed photo taken. I think first port of call is the teacher to ask exactly what was said. Could it be your DD is attempting to change your mind as she is feeling left out?

nokidshere Wed 05-Dec-12 14:36:25

Presumably all the other parents gave their consent so the only thing you have to complain about is the teacher being a bit insensitive to your child.

Have a word with the teacher and tell her that you are angry that she singled your child out in front of everyone and if she ever has personal information to give her again she should do it in private.

TheCatInTheHairnet Wed 05-Dec-12 14:37:55

Was it a hip hop routine? Because my dd wears a cropped top and shorts for her hip hop classes and it would never in a million years cross my mind to be worried about her photographed, as part of her dance school.

Mosman Wed 05-Dec-12 14:38:22

No DD couldn't have cared less until the teacher made a point of making it a big deal because she clearly thought we were in the wrong not letting her to photograph my child.
The image has been emailed to over three hundred people the school had no control over where that image ends up do they ?

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Wed 05-Dec-12 14:38:58

What are you actually worried about? Sadly I think there's enough child porn around for paedos not to have to rely on school photos of west side story productions for wank material. However, agree the school could have handled it better although in terms of announcing it in front of the whole class.

freddiefrog Wed 05-Dec-12 14:39:20

I wouldn't be bothered about a picture of them in a dance costume to be honest, but they shouldn't be singling her out like that.

DH and I foster, and at the moment we have a child with us who we absolutely cannot allow to have photos published anywhere. School have never singled them out, pics are taken and if they appear in any, we are given a copy for their memory box, then they get deleted.

FredFredGeorge Wed 05-Dec-12 14:39:33

Was your child in the photo or not? If not, I'm not sure I understand your objection?

nokidshere Wed 05-Dec-12 14:41:23

It doesn't matter where the image has gone to since the other parents have consented to have their children photographed - what other people choose to do is not your concern.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 05-Dec-12 14:41:33

I would be going batshit crazy if I were you OP. What the school did was irresponsible and to cause dd such public upset is distgusting I think

complexnumber Wed 05-Dec-12 14:42:20

I'm not sure if you really need to fume on behalf of other parents.

Your DD was not in the photo, so why are you looking for 'a satisfactory outcome'?

Let the other parents complain if they want to.

(I agree it was not really necessary to announce to the class that your DD would not be in any photos)

BlueVernis Wed 05-Dec-12 14:42:38

Would the OP mind so much your child was wearing leggings and a long baggy t-shirt? Is it more about the crop top or the photo in general?

chrismissymoomoomee Wed 05-Dec-12 14:42:52

Confirming everything you were concerned about?

What were you concerned about? What do you think anyone will think of an image of a midriff?

TBH when the newsletter comes out I barely pay attention to the pictures unless my child is in them, and if they are in them I only pay attention to them. I imagine most parents are the same.

Labootin Wed 05-Dec-12 14:44:27

Dcs school has a photography department ... The weekly roundup is like a copy of hello magazine
Personally I love seeing pictures of my children school stuff, we get themed calendars at end of term they are hilarious.

Mosman Wed 05-Dec-12 14:44:55

Ok I'm annoyed that having been told no by me for whatever reason, I have said no the teacher then takes it upon herself to a phone me and question this decision and having been told no again decides to embarrass my child by singling her out because she clearly doesn't agree with me and then lies about the choir and band - its clearly rubbish. There was just no need for it.
And I do think it's a questionable decision putting photos of 11 years in cropped tops oink cyberspace.

KenLeeeeeee Wed 05-Dec-12 14:44:58

Honestly? I think you're being entirely hysterical about it. Fair enough if you don't want your dd photographed (although at 11, couldn't she have a say?) but why are you "fuming" about pictures of the rest of the class in dance costumes?


WileywithSageStuffing Wed 05-Dec-12 14:45:56

I am also confused - you don't seem to be that bothered about your DD being told he cannot join choir/band if no permission for photographs, you don't even seem that bothered bout the way your DD was singled out in front of her peers.

What seems to be bothering you is a photo of other people's children wearing crop tops being emailed to them. Why is that anything to do with you?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Wed 05-Dec-12 14:46:20

The teacher was wrong to make a big deal about it and announce it in assembly, but as you weren't in the assembly and nor were any of us on this thread, it's hard to judge how bad the school was on that one.

The school and the teachers were not wrong to send a picture of children in costumes out to their email list. All the parents whose children were included in that consented to it, so it's not a problem.

Sirzy Wed 05-Dec-12 14:46:45

Where you bothered by her being dressed like that? If not what is the problem?

The teacher should have been more sensitive BUT if there are things where photos are being taken then there is always going to be the chance they will end up being excluded Unfortunatly.

nokidshere Wed 05-Dec-12 14:47:31

Well I think we are all agreed that you should definitly complain about your child being singled out in that way - although I would double check what was actually said before you go in all guns blazing.

Other than that you can't be worrying about what everyone else has decided is best for them and their children.

Sirzy Wed 05-Dec-12 14:48:50

The teacher will have phoned to clarify before any pictures were taken. Seems sensible to me.

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