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to question if I am a selfish b***h?

(152 Posts)
GnTwivslicenice Sun 02-Dec-12 12:24:58

I split up with my P four days ago. We have an 18 week old DS together. I finished the relationship for various reasons, mainly because he is quite immature and reliant. He is 31, doesn't own a house, I do. Rides about on a pushbike as he doesn't have a car, doesn't buy his own clothes, etc etc. I couldn't cope with his neediness now I am looking after my DS full time. He also had a nasty habit of calling me spiteful names, sometimes when I was holding my son. Nice!

I have been letting him come here to see his DS as he has moved into a house owned by his father that his brother rents - his brother lives a pretty wild lifestyle - gets drunk and takes cocaine regularly and has been in prison for fraud. The house is a bit of a tip.

He came here after his shift at work yesterday and he bathed DS and put him to bed. He then asked if we could talk. He asked if he could have DS tomorrow, fine I said. He then proceeded to lay on my sofa and start flicking through the channels on my telly, (I was watching Strictly Come Dancing so I wasn't best pleased!) I told him not to get too comfy, he wasn't going to worm his way in and end up staying the night.

He then asked if he could borrow MY car as he was too tired to bike home - he lives about 8 miles away - and he would bring it back the next day, that I wasn't likely to use the car as DS was in bed for the night. I said no, I put petrol in every week, tax, MOT and insure the the car and he puts nothing towards those costs. I said if he didn't want to bike home he should sacrifice a few luxuries like i do to have a car.

This did not go down well! He told me that I was being nasty, a selfish bitch and trying really hard to make things difficult for him, so forth and so forth, blah blah blah. I didn't think I was.

So just canvassing opinion really. Should i have let him use my car?

waltermittymistletoe Sun 02-Dec-12 12:27:48

<cheers OP>

So refreshing to read an OP where a waste of space can't manipulate/bully and screw over the woman (or man) whose gotten rid!

You KEEP DOING what you're doing!

SagelyEggnogging Sun 02-Dec-12 12:28:32

No! He is an adult is he not??

insertsomethingwitty Sun 02-Dec-12 12:29:39

No. If he is never forced t take responsibility for himself then he never will. If he wants the use of a car en he will have to get his own.

ImperialSantaKnickers Sun 02-Dec-12 12:29:43

Of course not!

What if you needed it overnight?

And NO-ONE touches my remote control without my EXPRESS permission grin

healstorturepeople Sun 02-Dec-12 12:30:30

No I wouldn't have lent him the car. You might need it if you needed to get something for your son. However you need to rethink your attitude towards people who don't own a house, a car etc.

Smellslikecatspee Sun 02-Dec-12 12:31:03


Why should you?
He's been a shit, it's your car you pay tax for it etc. why should a nasty little shit get the benefit of your work and saving.

Not that it's anything to do with it or him but how could he predict that you wouldn't need the car overnight?

You are not a selfish bitch. You've done exactly the right thing for you and your ds.

Your xp needs to grow the fuck up!

Stay strong, you're doing amazingly!

wewereherefirst Sun 02-Dec-12 12:31:37

He's a selfish pig. Is he even insured to drive your car?

HE is the selfish one!

Kalisi Sun 02-Dec-12 12:31:45

Haha what a question! No OP, you are not being a bitch for not allowing this. I take it he's not insured on your car?

Fakebook Sun 02-Dec-12 12:32:21

He sounds a lot like an ex colleague I used to work with. Same age too. Does he have another dd from a previous relationship? Does he watch a lot of films? <rubs chin>

noblegiraffe Sun 02-Dec-12 12:33:23

He's not your partner any more, he doesn't seem to have made that mental adjustment. He can't sponge off you, and in fact should be giving you money towards the support of your DS.

Pilgit Sun 02-Dec-12 12:33:48

No not being selfish. Get him taken off your insurance then there isn't even an option of him using your car!

SummerRain Sun 02-Dec-12 12:34:22

His transport issues are his problem, not yours. Of course your not being selfish to say no... What if ds got sick in the night and needed ooh or a&e? That's why you pay for a car, so that you have it when you need it... not so a useless waste of space can borrow it when he can't be fucked cycling.

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Sun 02-Dec-12 12:35:27

Well done you. And think about asking him too see ds outside your home - to keep the boundaries defined. If your worried about his brother's house being unsafe you can always threaten to report the possession of coke etc.

SummerRain Sun 02-Dec-12 12:35:41


BluelightsAndSirens Sun 02-Dec-12 12:37:19

No, you did the right thing and I would not have let him stay after coming down the stairs!

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Sun 02-Dec-12 12:37:37

No. He shouldn't be acting like he's got any right to your car or your tv.

you're split up! It sounds like that's not sunk in yet!

whois Sun 02-Dec-12 12:40:26

He sounds like a total waste of space and you are not being U!

No way does he get to use your car, what a knob.

ScrambledSmegs Sun 02-Dec-12 12:42:21

No of course you're not a selfish bitch. He's a lazy, entitled twat.

Good for you! Only thing you did wrong was letting him lounge around in your house and take over your tv. I'd have shown him the door asap!

HeirExtensions Sun 02-Dec-12 12:44:02

OP I think I love you thanks

I used to give in to my ex demands for money, borrow things from the house, do stuff for him etc cos I was so used to giving in and was a bit scared to say no.

I now have a zero tolerance policy and say NO to every request, no matter how small, even if its 20p, a stamp, some milk or whatever because as soon as I give in on one tiny thing, it will immediately be followed by a request for something bigger and so on.

So no, you're definitely not a selfish bitch, or anything close to it.

butterfingerz Sun 02-Dec-12 12:47:14

You and him are no longer together right? So he doesn't get to use your car, remote control or park his arse on your sofa...

Floggingmolly Sun 02-Dec-12 12:52:08

Why did you have a chid with a man you don't seem to even like?

SirBoobAlot Sun 02-Dec-12 12:53:17

Of course not.

DixieD Sun 02-Dec-12 12:55:22

He switched off Strictly shock. If DH did that he'd be having his teeth handed to him and he is not a total waste of space. And of course you ANBU about the car. If he too tired to cycle he can fucking get a taxi. Who asks to borrow someone's car to get themselves home? Entitled much?

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