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to think my sister is a liar and I should call her out on it?

(97 Posts)
starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:06:35

I bought my sister for her birthday a groupon family portrait to be done (she's a new mum so thought it would be nice to have professional photos done etc).

I recently asked her if she'd ever had the photographs done, she replied that when I'd given her the groupon gift the date had already expired but she didn't want to say.

I felt quite upset with myself that I'd given her such a useless present. Reading a recent thread on here reminded me so I decided to look back at my groupon orders, and her birthday is right at the end of March and the expiration date on the groupon was the end of April.

I feel sad that she felt the need to lie to me, but in turn she also made me feel bad for giving her present that was useless when in fact it wasn't.

Should I say something?

yellowsubmarine53 Thu 22-Nov-12 16:08:52

If she's new mum, she probably didn't get round to looking at it properly or reading the small print until it had expired, possibly?

It's a shame that she didn't manage to make the most of your thoughtful gift, but it doesn't sound like she's lying.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Thu 22-Nov-12 16:09:29

Probably by the time she looked at it, it had expired and she felt bad and didn't want to tell you.

Maybe it's just me but DD is 3 weeks old and I'm really not up for arranging photoshoots. If it had been me I would have thought, "Ooo, photos, lovely, will sort that out later..."

So leave it.

WilsonFrickett Thu 22-Nov-12 16:11:25

She's a new mum. Organising a photoshoot would have been the last thing on her mind. She didn't even lie, she just said it had expired - which it had, by the time she looked at the voucher^

Leave it.

missymoomoomee Thu 22-Nov-12 16:12:34

What do you hope the outcome will be if you confront her about it?

If you can't think of a reason other than to let her know that you know then I would be inclined to leave it I think. I don't think its worth the upset.

shockers Thu 22-Nov-12 16:12:42

Might she have looked at the date it was purchased?

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 16:15:55

for gifits like that i think a reallyh long expiry date is the way to go.

Hassled Thu 22-Nov-12 16:17:47

Don't call her on it - she'd just had a baby, she was probably tired and hormonal and frazzled - sorting out a photo session was maybe just too much for her to deal with.

whatacolddaytoday Thu 22-Nov-12 16:18:04

Let it go.

I personally dislike anyone nagging/guilt tripping me into oh you MUST do such and such. Even if it's something that sounds "nice"?

I was chums with someone when I was younger where even "fun stuff" where she was being "generous" (as in, she'd have a spare ticket for a play or offer to treat me to lunch or something) was met with an ominous, judgemental, tone if it didn't go according to plan or I didn't fancy it, and it stopped being "fun stuff" - I just ended up resenting the hassle (and her)! I got the vibe that for her being "generous" was expected to be repaid with "yes Miss I'll do it all, you philanthropist you", which wasn't how I wanted to roll!

Must admit I probably did drop a few lies to get out of things, too, and although I felt guilty at the time I don't regret it now grin

whatacolddaytoday Thu 22-Nov-12 16:22:22

I think maybe you need to examine why you're so upset over the whole situation, as well? So you've got her something she hasn't used, that's probably 90% of the presents given in this country (just look at the WORST GIFTS thread grin)?

Just getting the vibe that there's some underlying resentment that it might help to acknowledge, or you have a rigid idea of how she/other people should behave or what your sibling relationship "should" look like?

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:24:00

Sorry she's not a new new mum, her daughter was 1 at the time. But he is her first.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:26:04

I personally dislike anyone nagging/guilt tripping me into oh you MUST do such and such.

I don't particularly care about the fact that she didn't use it. Its more the lying thats hurt me, especially because it makes me look bad giving her an out of date gift when in fact it wasn't.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 22-Nov-12 16:27:02

I think she made an excuse because by the time she got round to using it, it had expired.

I actually think it's quite thoughtless of you to have given that sort of a gift with only a month to arrange. Those kind of 'experience' gifts usually give you a year at least to use them within, with good reason.

Dillydollydaydream Thu 22-Nov-12 16:29:42

We got given a venture photoshoot as a Christmas present but we never booked the session in the end. Me and dh both hate having our photos taken so would've been our idea of hell, plus after researching venture a bit more we found out we'd need to sell our kidneys to be able to afford any of the photos anyway!

whatsforyou Thu 22-Nov-12 16:30:11

Maybe she thought a family portrait was a bit eww and thought rather than tell you she really didn't want one it would hurt your feelings less than telling you you picked a really tacky present she didn't like.
Some people love professional portraits, I can't think of anything worse. Each to their own smile

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:21

Sorry I should have added - only the date had to be booked by the end of April.

The actually photography session doesn't expire until December.

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:40

You gave her a voucher with 4 weeks expiry!?
I would definately put this one down to poor judgement on your part I'm afraid. I'm sure you had the best intentions but as others have mentioned, especially for a new Mum it is not a good idea to give her a gift that involved any planning especially on such a short time limit.I wouldn't even consider her to be lying tbh, one month remaining may as well be out of date!

Get her some bubble bath and a takeaway next time smile

Lulumama Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:59

quite harsh words, you want to call her on being a liar? sounds like you have a bit of history with her, if it was my sister, i'd just let it go and presume I'd goofed on buying a gift she didn't want, or couldn't get round to using etc...

if you are going to say sometihng, don't call her a liar, just ask her nicely

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:34

Fine its tacky, I don't care.

She didn't have to use it if she didn't want to, if it had expired by the time she remembered then shame these things happen.

The only part I have a problem is that she's lied and said it had already expired when I gave it to her, thus making me feeling awful for giving a gift she had no chance of using.

AnyFucker Thu 22-Nov-12 16:39:18

I would leave it, sms I don't usually shy away from speaking my mind

Tbh,, I wouldn't have been keen on that gift. Anything that required effort on my part is not really an unconditional gift, IMO

WilsonFrickett Thu 22-Nov-12 16:40:25

Was it one of those ones where the 'session' is a Groupon bargain but then you have to pay £huge to get a print?

Or maybe she just didn't fancy getting a portrait done. It would be my idea of cheesy hell to be honest.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:42:31

Ok. People are not reading what I'm putting. Her child was a year old at the time she got the gift, not just a couple of weeks old.

She only had to book the date she wanted within a month. The photography session did not have to done within a month. It expires in December 2012. So could have been done anywhere between those 9 months.

Imagine if for example you had bought your friend a voucher to have a beauty treatment done. You ask her later on how the treatment was and she replies that she never had it done because the voucher you gave her was out of date. Surely you'd feel bad?

Then you find out that it actually was within date when you gave it to your friend. Surely you'd feel slightly pissed off? Not because she didn't use it but because the lie makes you look and feel bad.

missymoomoomee Thu 22-Nov-12 16:45:40

She didn't say anything until you asked though, so she obviously hasn't said anything about it to anyone else either. Who is she making you look bad to? Now you know the truth you don't have any reason to feel bad. Would an arguement and making your sister feel bad make you feel better?

Brycie Thu 22-Nov-12 16:45:59

I think those things work out quite expensively if because you still have to buy the photos they take. Sorry. I wouldn't use one for that reason. Unless prints were included.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:46:17


Sorry but some of you are not realising what I'm saying. She could have used it or put it in the bin for all I care. Its her gift to do with what she wants.

I'm just hurt by her lie that she said when I gave it to her on her birthday it had already expired. Surely that would make you feel bad for having given the gift?

But it hadn't expired when I gave it to her because I just checked.

If it had expired before she realised I wouldn't have minded at all. Or if she didn't want to use it.


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