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AIBU to be upset at altercation in Morrisons yesterday and still dwelling?

(118 Posts)
louisdog Wed 21-Nov-12 14:51:23

My first AIBU, eek!

I popped into Morrisons yesterday with DD(3mths). Gave her a big feed in the car, then in we went. She was tired, we had been around town and she had been watching what was going on. Often she will fall asleep in the supermarket. But on this occasion I was halfway round (during which time she had been smiling and gurgling at me) when she decided to scream, which she does sometimes do when overtired. It is a horrible noise. I gave up on doing much in the way of shopping and decided to get just three things, then I realised she wasn't going to settle despite much shushing and talking to her so I decided to grab the one essential (canned dog food - Ddog(12) was having an operation right then, and vet had told me to buy a particular food to give him that night after the op, and for next few days.)

So far so boring, sorry. As DD was screaming and I was whizzing around desperately looking for the dog food, several people made kind smiles or said "oh dear" "is she hungry" etc etc, one chap was with a guy in a wheelchair and made some joke to me that his mate did that too sometimes. I was feeling stressed and harassed and desperate to get back to car to comfort DD or drive home when I knew she would sleep.

The this one woman started asking if DD was ok and should she get some help. I said she is fine thanks just tired but she said DD didn't look fine, I said honestly she is overtired and we are heading home soon. Grabbed my dogfood, went through self-scan (no queue, hurrah) and was relieved to be able to go, when the woman was suddenly there again asking whether DD was ok, am I sure he is ok (thought she was a boy for some reason), he cannot be just tired, he sounds like she has something seriously wrong with him. I said she was fine just tired, she again suggested she get help for me and that DD must be very ill and he does not look well at all, and was being quite aggressive, lots of people were watching, she was shaking her head and she said she needed to do something and I asked what she had in mind, she told me she knows a lot about babies and that I must pick her up. In my flustered state I eventually muttered something about her calling the police or social services if she has concerns, DD is fine, and just hurried out, beetroot red and fighting back tears.

The woman was just so pushy and I felt so upset, it's not like me, I am 37 years old and I felt so small and defensive, I keep dwelling on what happened and how I should have handled it better. I guess I could have gone home and got dog food later but we live out in the country so that wouldn't have been easy.

DD calmed from screaming to a grizzle when I left the supermarket, and I tried to soothe her but felt I needed to get away from the woman in case she started following me so put DD in the car, started engine and left - DD quietened as soon as we started moving and was asleep by the time we left the carpark! (I have a mirror thingy so I can see her). She was her usual happy self later on, ate and slept well last night etc etc.

So AIBU unreasonable to be upset still? And I suppose I am also wondering, WIBU to stay in shop when DD got upset, and what should I have told the woman?

Thanks for reading!

FutTheShuckUp Wed 21-Nov-12 14:54:08

Please dont dwell on it for another second- them woman sounds like a bloody nutcase and needs to be kept indoors for the good of the public!

whoneedssleepanyway Wed 21-Nov-12 14:55:02

YANBU. I remember being at the airport when DD2 was 12 weeks old and she was screaming, I had a woman come up to me and say she would go and get the airport doctor etc.

When it comes to parenting everyone seems to think they know best....

YANBU - that is all you need when you have a screaming baby!!

What should you have told the woman??? My horrible side is saying you should have told her to fuck right off but my sensible side says that you should have just said, no she is fine there is nothing at all wrong with her, held your head up high and carried about your business.

Someone did something very similar to me when DS was tiny. He kicked his socks off and a complete stranger came up to me, felt his feet and told me his feet were too cold. I politely told her his feet were fine thank you very much, albeit through gritted teeth.

blueballoon79 Wed 21-Nov-12 14:56:45

There's nothing else you could have done! The woman was clearly not right in the head!

You did the right thing just by getting away from her.

When you have children you find out that everybody seems to think they know how to parent them better than you do.

It sounds a really scary situation though and I'd have left feeling shaken and upset too.

Convict224 Wed 21-Nov-12 14:56:59

No, yanbu to be still upset but try and let it go. Think about it, this stranger was really concerned for your baby. That, in itself, was not a bad thing. Maybe they were a bit (or a lot?) OTT but hey ho you will have a million incidents of interference whilst your dc grow. You sound like a super mum, your dd is lucky to have a mum who understands her so well.

pigletmania Wed 21-Nov-12 14:57:03

The woman does not sound right. Mabey she had some sort of mental health problem

pigletmania Wed 21-Nov-12 14:57:22


Peggotty Wed 21-Nov-12 14:58:29

It's probably upset you because the woman seemed to be calling into question your mothering skills despite the fact she knew neither you nor your dd. It is upsetting to have someone do that but don't spend another minute dwelling on it.

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella Wed 21-Nov-12 14:58:45

Don't dwell on this, there are lots of bonkers people out there-most of them in supermarkets for some odd reason wink
FWIW I would have lost patience with her & maybe told her to fuck off so you handled it better than I would have grin

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Wed 21-Nov-12 14:58:57

YANBU, she sounds awful.

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 21-Nov-12 14:59:05

I know that you're all jesting about her being "a nutcase" but in all honesty, she probably DOES have MH problems. You should feel sorry for her.

CabbageLooking Wed 21-Nov-12 14:59:21

Jesus you poor thing. YANBU. Hope you're ok; I had a similar meltdown from my DS a few days back (although I was fortunate to only have helpful people around) and it is incredibly stressful without some ridiculous woman trying to impose her "help" on you. Try not to dwell on it though; as said previously, she was clearly a nutcase. wine Have that on me. smile

MrsBungleBear Wed 21-Nov-12 15:00:24

Try not to dwell on it. My 6mo loves a scream in a supermarket! I am sure he does it on purpose. As you say, most people smile and give you a sympathetic look!

This woman sounds like a loon. Try to forget about it but I can understand why it upset you.

pigletmania Wed 21-Nov-12 15:01:18

That's what I thought bupcake. I have worked in MH ad have come access eople like that woman same mannerisms etc who either have MH issues learning difficulties

FutTheShuckUp Wed 21-Nov-12 15:02:05

Feel sorry for her why Bupcakes?
I feel more sorry for the OP who has been made to feel shitty when just out minding her own business

louisdog Wed 21-Nov-12 15:02:06

Thanks for the replies, I think I need to forget it and move on. Have definitely had comments in past but this did seem different, maybe she was a nutter! Odd she said she knew a lot about babies, I don't know what she was getting at really. It was all so embarrassing! And yes I was tempted to tell her to fuck off but I think I am crap at confrontation!

Glad others have experienced similar, it's awful isn't it!

imnotmymum Wed 21-Nov-12 15:02:28

Bless you that is so awful winebiscuitbrewthanks (delete as appropiate)

TheGashlycrumbTinies Wed 21-Nov-12 15:02:59

Think lots of people have had contact with nutty women like this.

When DD2 was about a year, she enjoyed shaking her head, just for fun, and would laugh like crazy.

Woman behind me in the queue said I should restrain her head, and "she should know as she has done a first aid course!" shock

To which my husband replied "we will not be restraining her head, as I should know, I'm a doctor, and my wife is a nurse". smile

mycatlikestwiglets Wed 21-Nov-12 15:03:54

You poor thing OP, what a horrible situation to have been placed in. I think you did the right thing and it's always easy to think of things you should have said after the event. You could have said something like "I think I know my own baby better than a random stranger, thank you. She always looks like that and is simply over-tired, now go away --and mind your own business you interfering cah--"

pigletmania Wed 21-Nov-12 15:04:37

I would have don t same op, and would have told her tat you were paedritrician and that your baby is fine thank you very much

mycatlikestwiglets Wed 21-Nov-12 15:04:54

Oops strikethrough fail blush

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 21-Nov-12 15:06:19

Because the OP can go home and forget all about this. The woman with the MH problems will have her own battles to face every day.

But yeah, save all of your sympathy for OP. You can feel sympathy for BOTH you know? Sympathy/empathy isn't a finite resource.

SoleSource Wed 21-Nov-12 15:07:45

Cheeky cow! You know your own child. You did nothing wrong. You handled it marvellously.

You are in control, NOT HER.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 21-Nov-12 15:08:22

YANBU to be annoyed but don't dwell on it...the woman sounds more than a little odd!

Babies cry. Sometime they cry a lot. Clearly she doesn't know eff all about babies if she doesn't know that basic fact.

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