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to refuse to see my health visitor

(186 Posts)
mummypig189 Sun 19-Aug-12 09:55:16

The health visitor knocked on my door today unannounced asking if she could come in.
The point of this visit was obviously just to come and have a nose because non of the children were due any checks although she weighed my youngest.

I was already peed off that she just came in to check up on me for no reason but her questions were so patronising i couldve strangled the silly woman. Heres just a few of the delightful comments she made

"So your expecting again? Unplanned then?"
"Are you still with the father? Does he work? Does he help out? Is he looking after you and the children?"
"How are you/will you cope with number three then?"
"you know theres courses at the local childrens centre for young moms, cooking parenting etc do you want me to phone for you?"
"You do know to put suncream on them in this weather dont you?"

Do you think its unreasonable for me to ask to see another health visitor,when my LO is born in oct?

Im not sure i can deal with the old bat 2 weeks after giving birth!

JumpingThroughMoreHoops Sun 19-Aug-12 09:58:39

You don't have to see them at all.

Melindaaa Sun 19-Aug-12 10:00:30

Sounds like she has concerns and is doing her job. You are likely to just raise (another?) red flag if you refuse to see her.

changeforthebetter Sun 19-Aug-12 10:02:09

Not a massive fan of HVs due to the spurious nonsense that the ones round here spout about bf.

However, she is doing her job. You don't have to see her but you would do well to ensure your baby is up to date with vaccinations and is taken to the GP for any illnesses - all pretty commonsense really and no doubt what you do.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 19-Aug-12 10:02:34

I second the concerns.
Has anything happened recently? Police been called to the house? Visits to hospital? Non attendance of appointments?

Svrider Sun 19-Aug-12 10:02:47

I think you have to duck it up tbh
Smile thru gritted teeth
Agree with whatever she says, even when you have no intention of doing it!
Remember non cooperation can lead very quickly to ss involvement
Best of luck

Svrider Sun 19-Aug-12 10:03:01

Duck: suck

vjg13 Sun 19-Aug-12 10:03:01

I would ask to see a different one but carry on with the visits.

wannabedomesticgoddess Sun 19-Aug-12 10:03:35

Really sounds very very odd. Did she give a reason as to why she was there?

The only time my HV ever showed up unannounced was during a case with SS and she didnt even come in.

Ask for a different one. She does sound patronizing.

PeggyCarter Sun 19-Aug-12 10:04:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

changeforthebetter Sun 19-Aug-12 10:05:44

FWIW I worked alongside HVs in last job (hence indepth knowledge of their barkingly outdated bf advice).

They are massively overworked and short staffed round here and don't do home visits to fill in long boring days. You do need to cooperate with agencies that are concerned with child protection.

Overwhelmedmummy Sun 19-Aug-12 10:05:55

You don't have to see them at all. I asked mine cause I'm going back to work so won't be able to make drop in clinic and she said was fine and to just call if have any issues/concerns.

jaffacake2 Sun 19-Aug-12 10:06:18

As a health visitor I think that visiting unannounced is unacceptable unless the family is on a child protection plan but that is explained to the family.

She clearly doesnt have enough work to do !!! Tell her to book an appointment next time with a clear reason what the visit is for.
Challenge patronising comments,it lets the rest of us down !!

powall Sun 19-Aug-12 10:08:30

A few options come to mind.

Grin and bear it. They come and go quite quickly.

Thank her profusely for her thoughts and send her on her way, happy that she got through.

Tell them it's a bad time and could they come back later, or another day.

Say directly and politely that you find her approach a little patronising, you are doing your best and please could she make her comments a little more productive and supportive.

Ask her directly and politely if she has any concerns or wishes to raise any issues with you. If so, what are they, if not, please could she, in that case, consider being a little more productive and supportive as you find her current approach a bit patronising.

Sometimes, people (even health workers) don't have great people skills and need a little guidance as to what is and isn't appreciated.

It sound to me like she was trying to be helpful but wasn't getting the language right. Health workers generally do want to help. Mums don't always want their help (or what they think is helpful).

Sirzy Sun 19-Aug-12 10:09:25

I think if she has reason for concern then an unannounced visit makes a lot of sense. I can't see why they would do an unannounced visit without reason as others have said they generally don't have a lot of time on their hands

FutTheShuckUp Sun 19-Aug-12 10:16:36

I don't personally know of any health visitors that work Sundays

anditwasallyellow Sun 19-Aug-12 10:17:34

It sounds to me as though there are concerns, might there be any reason for this?

I have seen one or two who have pee'd me off and I ;ve had one who was lovely and very helpful part of their job is to asses you and sometimes they get it right but sometimes they get it wrong, sometimes they give out great advice sometimes not so good.

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler Sun 19-Aug-12 10:18:05

After yet another visit to MIU with my accident prone DC, the health visitor was contacted. She rang me and asked how we were and explained that they had contacted her. She told them that she knew me and had no concerns. I think they may have had to contact SS if she had or if she hadn't known me.

I was maliciously reported to SS too at one time. The HV was contacted then and supported me.

Just a couple of examples as to why it is not a bad idea to keep them onside.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Sun 19-Aug-12 10:18:25

Crikey- they're damned if they do and damned if they don't!

You may have found her patronising but I'm sure she has to ask very one those questions, not just you.

I would prefer to have hv turn up unannounced as they get a better picture of what actually goes on in the house. They are there for children's welfare, not for convenience.

I would brush it off and accept that she's just doing her job.

Last time my hv visited she asked all sorts of questions like, if I had a fridge, freezer and oven? Id i had central heating? Do I own my home? Is dh working? Etc

I live in a nice house so just assumed she has to ask everyone these things. Don't be offended. Enjoy your lo when baby arrives.

Yddraigdragon Sun 19-Aug-12 10:21:32

Are you sure she was a real HV? And not some random weirdo?
<has suspicious mind>

marriedinwhite Sun 19-Aug-12 10:22:44

How did she know you were expecting? I wouldn't refuse to see her but I would write to the health trust to ask why an unexpected call was made and how the hv came to be notified of the pregnancy because that does smack of somebody wihin the health care system expressing concern about your circumstances.

OTH I was once asked by a midwife who did a booking visit in my home if the baby I was carry had the same father as DS. She was in my home; our dating wedding photo's were on show; my name had not changed. I appreciate the clinical reasons for the question but it was nevertheless impertinent and could have been phrased far better.

Our circumstances are/were very very sound and gave the unspeakably rude hv I was allocated very short shrift. She was both discourteous and incompetent. No woman in the UK is statutorily obliged to have any contact whatsoever with a health visitor. Our circumstances were such that I was confident my corner was a very strong one and I challenged the provision of a wholly inadequate service in a very overbearing manner.

If the service is to be presented as mandatory then in my opinion those in charge of it need to ensure it is fit for purpose. I was not fit for purpose when my children were born in the mid/late 90's - it appears it remains unfit for purpose. It is actually one of the biggest NHS scandals that has not been dealt with and continues only because of the silent threat of social services if women don't comply with it. It needs a root and branch overhaul.

PeggyCarter Sun 19-Aug-12 10:24:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wowserz129 Sun 19-Aug-12 10:25:15

you dont have too see them at all!!

my next baby i will not be seeing the HV, i will phone if i need assistance of have concern but they certainly will not be visiting all the time.

I didnt need the HV, i could bf fine, my sons a chubber and she just used to give me the most awful advice.


Takver Sun 19-Aug-12 10:25:40

BoysBoysBoys - its a long time admittedly since I saw the HV (dd now 10) but they certainly didn't ask any of those questions.

Basically the questions they asked were all about dd - speech, physical ability etc, any concerns we had. We also discussed the UK vaccination programme as we'd moved from abroad. Certainly nothing about was DH working or whether I had central heating! I think we did chat about what we did for a living but in a social way so if she was asking for a purpose it was much more subtle.

charlottehere Sun 19-Aug-12 10:25:43

YANBU. Retrosepect is a great thing and you should have told her it wasnt convinent. I am pregnant with 4th and seriously considering declining HV visits as the only time I found them useful was with no1 (lovley lady). I am in a new area and some of the other mums have put me right off the HV here. Forwarned and all that.

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