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to think that if you don't want people taking photos of your child in the school play don't let them be in it!

(320 Posts)
2anddone Mon 12-Dec-11 15:52:43

Hi I am sure this has been done a hundred times before but I am so pissed off. DS had his school nativity play today and at the start we were told no photos or videoing was allowed. Typically enough it was the first school production where he hasn't cried. They are not filming the play or offering us any other ways to get a 'memory' of the play and the reason given was that 2 parents had requested no photos were allowed. This is not due to religious beliefs it was simply they didn't want other people taking photos of their dc. I know IAPBU but I don't care IMO if you don't want your child photographed in the play collect them early and don't let them be in it! Rant over angry

DuchessofMalfi Mon 12-Dec-11 15:55:31


TheBrandyButterflyEffect Mon 12-Dec-11 15:57:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinierclanger Mon 12-Dec-11 15:58:23

So if, for whatever reason, someone needs to keep pictures of their child out of the public domain, you think the child should be penalised and should not be able to participate in normal activities?

Memories can be held in your brain you know. That's what it's for.

MixedBerries Mon 12-Dec-11 15:58:51

I just find it unbelievably sad that it's no longer acceptable to take pictures of kids in a school play.

dribbleface Mon 12-Dec-11 15:58:59

i have two friends, one has adopted children and one foster children's, both wouldn't want their child photographed for safety reasons. my stupid ex dp once saw a photo of a child(not my friends) on a desk, he commented that he knew the child from x school. turns out the person was not allowed contact. so yabu

duckdodgers Mon 12-Dec-11 16:00:55

" Memories can be held in your brain you know. That's what it's for."

There is nothing wrong with wanting a photograph as a reminder of an event/image of your child, because yes of course memories are within you at all times but dont we all love looking back at photos of our children years later?

CMOTdibbler Mon 12-Dec-11 16:01:51

Theres some very good reasons why some people may not want others taking pictures of their child, and thise children shouldn't be penalised for this.


dribbleface Mon 12-Dec-11 16:03:01

having said that the school could take Photo's and remove said children's? this is what we do at nursery

Haziedoll Mon 12-Dec-11 16:03:05

I have a friend who has an adopted daughter, she cannot be photographed for security reasons. At her school the teacher said that parents were allowed to photograph their own children individually at the end of the play.

nailak Mon 12-Dec-11 16:03:45

yabu, but they should offer an alternative, ie photo taken by teacher of individual children/ groups of children and given to parents of only those children, in paper format, with the permission of the parents/ careers of the kids in the photo.

this is what is done at my dds nursery, parents cant take pictures, but class pictures are taken at xmas and end of term and printed and given to each parent, obviously they know if there is an issue with any of the kids then they would deal with this. and at the cc they have a camera for taking and printing photos and can only give out pics with your child and no other to you.

KatAndKit Mon 12-Dec-11 16:04:12

Right so just because you don't want a video with your child on it all over facebook or youtube, they can't take part??? Ridiculous.

It wasn't such an issue before the internet age. It isn't about paedophiles who generally prefer pictures of kids being abused rather than pictures of kids dressed as sheep. It is because people are not happy with taking a couple of snaps and keeping them in an album, they feel the need to stick the pictures all over the internet.

As people have pointed out above, there are often valid child protection issues which mean that it isn't a good idea for people to be able to find out on the internet what school a child goes to.

Surely you would enjoy the play more if you focused on actually watching it and enjoying it in real life at the time, rather than filming it for later?

niceguy2 Mon 12-Dec-11 16:04:24

YANBU as the tail should not wag the dog.

If there are safety reasons why they shouldn't photo'ed then surely they shouldn't be in it since you cannot guarantee no-one will take a photograph and it's not a criminal offence to do so.

VeronicaSpeedwell Mon 12-Dec-11 16:05:00

YABVU. You really want a five year old with safety problems to be told to sit in the wings so you can take a picture?

aldiwhore Mon 12-Dec-11 16:05:49

There is no reason why everyone cannot be kept happy. Multiple performances.

Our school do this. One performance is private, no cameras of any kind. One performance where photos are allowed for personal use only (of course, this is always a matter of trusting that parents aren't going to upload them onto facebook) and one performance is for the 'official video' which is sold as a fundraiser (and raises an absolute fortune as its high quality - unashamed boast - my husband films it).

This way every child is included. The performances are arranged in such a way that if one child is not there (whether through illness or privacy) the show can and does go on.

One child, only one, did not take part in the filmed performance last year. No reason is needed, no judgement made. Everyone happy.

Longtallsally Mon 12-Dec-11 16:07:04

Agree YABVVU. Ask the school next year to have a couple of photos available from the dress rehearsal with those children in whose parents have agreed to them being photographed, or offer to take in a camera and help out - but don't put children at risk simply for the sake of a group photo.

KatAndKit Mon 12-Dec-11 16:08:57

You can't just "trust" that parents will not put the pictures online. Once the parents have taken the pictures the school has no control over what happens to them, and plenty of parents will put them on facebook anyway, often without any privacy settings.

I really don't see why parents need to video every single thing. Just watch it and remember it with your brain.

JamieComeHome Mon 12-Dec-11 16:09:44

niceguy, yes, let's make everything a criminal offence! Then no one will do it!

I agree with KitAndKat.

RalphTheRedNosedGnu Mon 12-Dec-11 16:10:05

I would presume that if a parent has asked for their child not to be photographed it's for a good reason and not just to be awkward.

Understanding the reason for it doesn't mean I won't be a bit disappointed if I can't take a photo of DS in his first nativity, but like previous posters have said, there's still the opportunity to take individual photos.

MollyTheMole Mon 12-Dec-11 16:10:52

I dont think YABU at all. I cant fucking stand all of this shite, do these same people not realise that their precious little angels are being filmed on CCTV in shopping centres, stores, the streets?

Id have videoed it discreetly off a phone.

JamieComeHome Mon 12-Dec-11 16:11:54

Nativity photos are quite often disappointing anyway, because some big oaf has sat themself front and centre and is videoing the whole thing.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 12-Dec-11 16:13:39

But MollytheMole - CCTV footage from stores, etc isn't likely to end up on Facebook where potentially a father of a child who a family are on the run from could see it.

KateFrothers Mon 12-Dec-11 16:14:05

YABU to think that children who have fled domestic violence, who are fostered or adopted, politically exposed persons or any other reason (including neurotic parents) should be punished by being made to sit out of the play.

However, yanbu to want a souvenir of the day. The school could have taken photos and made them available to parents who wanted a memento of the event. Perhaps suggest that to them?

VivaLeBeaver Mon 12-Dec-11 16:14:21

I don't think parents ask for this because they're worried that a camera might suck the soul of their child. They have good reasons.

KatAndKit Mon 12-Dec-11 16:14:34

Yes, but on cctv in the streets, the people who the child is being protected from do not have access to this footage. Known abusers (violent ex's for example) can stalk on facebook via friends of friends etc, it only takes one person with a kid in the same class to post a video, then that person can turn up at the school and potentially abduct the child. I know it is a fairly rare scenario and most of the filming and photographing is harmless. But this is the second thread on this topic today, on the earlier one there were a number of real life examples of people who needed to ensure that the location of their children was not available to certain people on the internet.

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