In feeling sick and shaky all day after a driving lesson?

[MeddlesomeRatbag]

I can't help it, it's getting worse and I am only on lesson 4!

I have always wanted to learn to drive, but couldn't really afford it. This year, we now have the finances to squeeze a lesson a week. DH drives, but since my employer relocated last year, I have found getting into work a nightmare. (3 hours by bus there and 3 hours back)

I felt super excited and confident before I started. I bought the DSA theory books, CD-Roms, Highway code etc but I seem so shite behind the wheel, I spend the whole day after it analysing the lesson and feeling sick. DH just rolls his eyes and tells me to relax, but this is so far, the hardest thing I have ever done! I cannot see myself ever being able to master gears, steering properly and not stalling. My Instructor (thankfully) has me on a quiet 'practice' road that is pretty easy to drive around, but I am filled with terror at the thought of ever being on the open road.

AIBU and stupid and need to get a grip, or did anyone else feel like this? Next lesson is Monday, and I am dreading it already!

[maxpower]

You've not said how old you are but I'm guessing you aren't 17! Age is an influencing factor in driving confidence. I would definitely say persevere - I remember struggling when I started to learn to drive but after one particular lesson I had an epiphany and it all started to make sense.

Good luck

[MeddlesomeRatbag]

Hi Maxpower. I will be 31 in July! I have heard about the time it 'clicks' and becomes second nature, but it all feels so... Wrong! Hands, feet eyes all doing different things at the same time. I feel a bit rubbish TBH. I always thought I was good a handling 'mechanical' things but i feel an utter arse!

[GuntherMcKilocodie]

Oh dear, I am about to start lessons at the age of 39 and am shitting myself before I've even started. I am however adamant that I will not be able to handle London traffic and gears, so have decided to learn in an automatic car. Yes, I do realise that I can only then drive automatic cars, but frankly driving a bumper car around London and not stalling is fine by me. Have you considered this OP?

[MeddlesomeRatbag]

I did think about it. MIL drives an automatic, but DH says that its better to pass your test in a manual, otherwise your always stuck just driving automatics... to that logic - but It sounds super attractive to me!

[MeddlesomeRatbag]

Diving an automatic that is...

[IngridFletcher]

I tried to learn for years on and off and what worked for me in the end was having 4 hours of lessons a week and even then it took a long time, mainly because I failed the test a few times. In the end I went to the Dr and got betablockers which worked really well to keep me calm and focussed. I know you cannot do so many lessons but maybe the betablockers might be an option but give it time first. It is early days.

[maxpower]

An past neighbour of mine only started learning to drive when he was 65. He passed his test first time, so don't be put off by the fact that you're both 30-somethings!

Honestly, 4 lessons is nothing. Stick with it. Maybe your high expectations of yourself aren't helping. Driving is a complex skill to start with but it does become more natural the more often you do it.

[ivykaty44]

Keep practicing - have you got someone other thatn dh that can take you out just to drive for a few hours - really to get the practice?

TBH I am tryuing to learn to do front crawl and what you say abut driving is so similar - trying to get my arms and legs and breathing to go right all at the same time!

i think it is just because we are older and need to practice more

manual cars are cheaper?

[mrspir8]

Ingridfletcher-i was just about to write an almost identical reply. My driving expereince was exactly the same as you describe. Betablockers got me through on my 7th test.

OP-Too much adrenaline-can you do some physical exercise to to try shed some of the excess, go for a jog or something. It helps handle the kind of anxiety you describe.

[SoupDragon]

bizarrely, I was talking to DS1 today about learning to drive (he's only 11!) and was telling I'm how to change gear you have to take your foot off the accelerator, foot on the clutch, change gear, blah blah but when you'd been driving a while, it all becomes one movement and you remember it all as one task.

I learnt at 17 and was crap at it, I hated it. however, learning to drive is one of the most important things I've done I think. It does all become second nature and you don't have to remember to do all the little things, you do them without thinking.

Stick with it. You've got a good while to go before you feel confident and comfortable. I dont think "bailing out" into an automatic is necessary just yet.

[MarineIguana]

My instructor said the older you get the harder it is, and also the more intellectual you are/the more you overthink it. He predicted I would take ages because I kept trying to understand it all, and he was right... but still it did eventually become second nature. Things like how can you steer around a corner while also thinking about the accelerator, clutch and gearstick to change gear - it seems impossible - but you will just get the hang of it.

[MeddlesomeRatbag]

Thanks for the replies. Where I work, we have transport to take our service users out (I work in a house with five people with LD) I would love to eventually take them out but the transport is a manual people carrier. This has also influenced my choice of gear type. LadyintheRadiator, 2 hours a fortnight sounds good..My instructor is (apparently - word of mouth reccomendation and all) a good one and is chocker most of the time. I haven't asked about that.

[ShowOfHands]

I've been learning for a couple of weeks now (couple of recent threads, including one entitled something like 'is it normal to feel like you'll never, ever get it?'). My dh is teaching me and we go out every day.

At first I was an utter mess. I could not understand how you could think about what your feet were doing and the gearstick and the steering wheel and mirrors and what's coming up and your speed and revs and potential hazards and on and on ad infinitum. I would attend to one thing, only to forget another. So I could check my mirrors but would veer off the road or I'd change gear but be unable to look at the road while doing it. And I'd get out the car swearing, crying, sweating, panicking and being utterly fed up with myself and the damn car.

But I need to drive. I'm 29, live rurally, dd is starting nursery in September. I've stuck at it. And I'm not that much further on tbh in real terms. I'm still only going up to 3rd gear, I don't go above 30mph, I'm driving on private property so no real roads or traffic BUT I don't stall, I can control the clutch, I can reverse round a corner, I can do a 3 point turn, I can drive at the speed I want to instead of just hanging on and hoping for the best. I instinctively know which mirror to check, when to break, where to look, how to straighten up and most importantly, what to do when I make a mistake (which was cry/swear/give up/punch the steering wheel until recently).

Can somebody else take you out for practice. I think I'm only progressing because I'm having regular lessons with dh. Once a week wouldn't be enough I think.

Keep thinking about the freedom it will afford you. I'm hanging on to the knowledge that other people can do it and make it look very easy indeed. They probably struggled too.

[cyteen]

I remember feeling like this for ages when I started having lessons (passed this year after 2-3 years of on/off lessons - I am 34). It's a learning process, not a simple jump from unable to able; I had lessons where I felt I could pass the test with my eyes shut, followed by lessons where I couldn't even get the car in gear, and everything in between.

Having passed a month ago, I still drive like a fewl at least 50% of the time - forgetting to change down to first before pulling away, leaving the handbrake on while reversing out of a car park, clipping someone's wing mirror - all things I've done recently The learning doesn't stop once you're on the road with your license. But it is so worth it. I love being able to drive regardless of how anxious it can sometimes make me.

Go for it. And do change to automatic if you feel that's right for you My nan passed in her 60s and drives an automatic - it works for her.

[MeddlesomeRatbag]

Betablockers.. I never thought of that! Would the GP give me those just for anxiety though? It is true that I am so wound up.. My mouth was so dry, my lips were sticking to my teeth!

[ivykaty44]

soh - you and your dh must be amazing!

[DanJARMouse]

Well done for starting!

I tried at 17 and didnt get passed 6 lessons. Hated every minute of it.

Started again at almost 20 and seemed to "get it" more. Finally passed just before my 21st birthday (gave myself a goal!) on second attempt.

I learnt and passed in a manual, and only ever drove manual cars until last year when DH needed an automatic for his disabilities. I was TERRIFIED of driving the automatic, however now, I will never ever go back to a manual!!! I dont know if I would remember what to do in a manual now!

If you arent happy, then either switch to auto or give up for a few months.

[ShowOfHands]

when to brake

tsk

DH had to teach me about drive shafts as I just wouldn't rest until I understood the point behind what I was doing. I definitely overthink it!

[CrystalQueen]

I was like that the whole time I was learning (aged 29). After a lesson I was shaking, my palms had marks from where my nails had been digging in due to how hard I had been gripping the wheel and I had to change my top due to sweating . TBH it was only once I passed my test that I was able to relax behind the wheel. Now I don't think twice about driving - today I drove 100 miles home from holiday.