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to expect good wanking etiquette?

(261 Posts)
bashon Sat 05-Jun-10 13:18:58

eg thou shan't leave thine wanky tissues anywhere else but in thine bin.

knittedbreast Fri 12-Aug-11 18:43:43

your friend would have loved me if he loved his knitted want mitten ;)

aliceliddell Fri 12-Aug-11 18:43:54

Blather - of course! An access hole! <forehead/palm> How could I be so blind?
Let's not discuss possible causes of blindness, though, eh?

chocolateyclur Fri 12-Aug-11 19:23:23

This thread is a whole nightmare waiting to happen, as I have a 3 year old.

My ex apparently used to wank sitting on the toilet, then stand up and fire into the bowl. Wouldn't that just be a little...distracting?

aliceliddell Fri 12-Aug-11 20:40:38

Chocolate - points for considerate hygienic self pleasuring. Talk of pint glasses and clingfilm has led dp to extend range of household goods and now talks of 'pleasuring a bowl' from the new bargain crockery set. Last seen doing something vigorous with a tea towel. Oh, dear god. <head in hands>
He still wants a definite answer on the glass of liver.

Claw3 Fri 12-Aug-11 20:52:28

Oh god the knitted wank mitten, has made me think of the breakfast cereal that are 'knitted by nanas', puke!

MorelliOrRanger Fri 12-Aug-11 21:52:25

This thread is hilarious, thank gord I've got a girl (although whole other set of issues to deal with at that age).

NunOnTheRun Sat 13-Aug-11 10:09:24

Am in process of patening my idea and am torn between calling it the Love Glove or the Happy Hand or possibly Your Five Fingered Friend...any preferences?^


I would love to see a 'Dragons' Den' pitch for the above grin

NunOnTheRun Sat 13-Aug-11 10:11:24

re: Dragons' Den

previously mentioned..
oops, hadn't read all thread at the time.....

HPonEverything Sat 13-Aug-11 10:17:56

A friend of mine at school had a 'wank bear' hmm
Legend has it that at a house party it was thrown out of the window and the toddler from next door ran off with it

aliceliddell Sat 13-Aug-11 13:06:58

Morelli - just not as messy. Judging by reminiscences of being 12 ish on here on previous threads, you should be careful with electric toothbrushes.

Melly20MummyToPoppy Sat 13-Aug-11 14:50:07

My DP takes his boxers off and leaves them on the floor next to his bedside table. And if he feels the need to wank, he justs picks them up off the floor and mops up with them. Then he'll put them in the laundry when he gets up in the morning.

Malificence Sat 13-Aug-11 15:13:47

Anyone remember the "hedghog cam / wanking with sandpaper" thread? - now that was funny. grin

alan48 Sat 12-Oct-13 10:18:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ChaosTrulyReigns Sat 12-Oct-13 10:25:59

Cheers, Alan.


UterusUterusGhali Sat 12-Oct-13 10:26:42

Only the ancient ones about wanking though.

But welcome nonetheless.


littlewhitebag Sat 12-Oct-13 11:53:26

alan48 How did you even find this thread. Did you join then decide to search for threads with wanking in the title? You are a weirdo methinks.

oldgrandmama Sat 12-Oct-13 12:14:23

There's a wonderful episode on the subject in the incomparable 'Seinfeld', where the four friends have a contest to see who can go longest without doing 'it'. See

WMittens Sat 12-Oct-13 12:16:25

Pretty sure I'm going to have to change my name now.

oldgrandmama Sat 12-Oct-13 12:16:30

By the way, meant to add that I'm a keen knitter ... but a wank gloves is a new one. Most exotic thing I've made is a coat for a poorly cat that feels the cold.

smug thank fuck i have 2 DDs

TonyThePony Sat 12-Oct-13 14:32:11

One of my friends had a wank in the back of a car. His mum was driving the car, his gran was in the front passenger seat shock

TonyThePony Sat 12-Oct-13 15:26:58

Killed that thread blush Many apologies grin

quoteunquote Sat 12-Oct-13 16:39:59

Over the years I have had quite a few call outs, to fix guttering and down pipes, that are blocked, quite often the teenage boy of the house who has been given the roof conversion room, and has taken to lobbing the used tissues(and socks) out the velux window, it's a surprisingly common problem.

everlong Sat 12-Oct-13 16:52:41

Yeah ok Alan of course you're new wink

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