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to be grateful for my mil..

(81 Posts)
biddysmama Tue 25-May-10 12:48:04

firstly because she has 6 children close together so knows what its like... because she never visits me... because she has taken my children on as well as her (due in august) bio grandchild... because she tells dp to shut up when he is being an idiot and tells him off for letting me do things when i should be resting... because she rings to make sure everythings ok...

becasue she squeals in delight when dd (14 months) does something new and always makes a big fuss of things (like when we booked the wedding)and never sticks her nose in (well, once when she was told by someone that dd's car seat was fitted wrong, it wasnt, its rear-facing)

and mainly becaus she is the total opposite of my mother grin

after all the mil threads i wanted one for lovely mil's smile

kitcat1977 Tue 25-May-10 13:03:00

Mine too. She's lovely and is very mindful of not intruding (though I wouldn't mind seeing her some more). She has the patience of a saint with FIL though, who often makes me angry

Mishy1234 Tue 25-May-10 13:05:40

YANBU, your MIL sounds lovely.

I have a lovely MIL too (actually FIL is really great too) and they've both been a Godsend over the past few months. Apart from having DS on a wed when I work (which enables me to go to the office without worrying about time constraints), they have really taken the pressure off me by having DS at weekends (I'm 39 wks pregnant). DH is just finished up a thesis, so has been unable to help as much as he would have done and they've really stepped up which has allowed me to get some rest.

DS gets a HUGE amount out of spending time with them. He's a very lucky little boy as I'm a very lucky DIL.

It's lovely have a MIl appreciation thread. I know a lot of people have trouble with theirs, but it's nice to hear the positive stories as well as the negative ones.

pud1 Tue 25-May-10 13:08:15

it is nice to see a good mil thread.

mine is fab also. she attended both my dd orth and has been a major support since

SirBoobAlot Tue 25-May-10 13:09:58

I love DPs mum. She's mad as a box of bloody frogs, but is lovely We get on very well (maybe because we both talk far too much! grin), and I am going out for the first time with her in July <terrified emotion>. YADNBU

Weta Tue 25-May-10 13:28:17

Mine is great too, we've just had her here for a week and it was so relaxed. She just pitches in and helps (without interfering unduly) and is sooo good with the kids.

When 3yo DS1 had chickenpox and we were tearing our hair out after 5 days with no sleep and needing to work/study, they drove 2 hours to pick him up and took him back to their place for a few days. I will NEVER forget this

Morloth Tue 25-May-10 13:30:01

I adore my MIL, one of her children is my DH and the other is my closest friend. She rarely comments on parenting stuff but when she does I listen because she has living proof that she knows what she is talking about.

chitchat07 Tue 25-May-10 13:37:10

For so many (many, many!) years I said exactly the same thing, that I had a fabulous MIL. But after DS2 was born things got slightly strained, then on her next visit with FIL when DS2 was a few months old things went from slightly strained to bloody awful. sad

She played hideous mind games and I lost my temper with it. Now we're at a very fragile state and I am wondering whether we will ever get right again. I know that I don't want her to stay with us again and I suspect she doesn't want to stay with us again. I think on subsequent visits they will be staying in local B&Bs now.

yellowflowers Tue 25-May-10 13:42:44

I like my MIL a lot. Doesn't interfere and always keen to tell us how much she cares for her son and for me. Plus I am not sure I am an easy DIL to have in that they are very English and reserved and I am opinionated and fiery. But, my FIL makes me mad (they are together). He is never encouraging of anything my DH wants to do careerwise, thinks he is being funny by being sarcastic, and holds views I can't bear.

My dh is a big fan of my parents though - so fair to say he has a great MIL and FIL (though my mum does interfere a bit!).

biddysmama Tue 25-May-10 13:44:16

i also want to add that my ds (her step grandchild) made her cry the other day by saying he loved her... he has aspergers and its a big thing!

3ismylot Tue 25-May-10 13:49:50

My MIL is a nightmare but has basically cut herself out of her life so Im thankfully to her for that lol

My SMIL on the other hand is fab! they live 4 hours away so we dont see them that much but she is great with the kids and when we recently went away for a weekend we asked if she would look after ds and my Mum have the twins but she said we will have all 3 and she and they all loved it grin

She never interferes and never tells us what we should and shouldnt be doing and best of all she is a teacher so always around in the school holidays wink

SeaTrek Tue 25-May-10 13:54:16

YANBU - you are lucky to have such a lovely MIL!

Mine isn't bad, just a little spoilt and lazygrin and not the kind of person I would normally be remotely interested in passing more than the time of day with.

Littlefish Tue 25-May-10 13:59:22

My MIL is absolutely lovely. So lovely in fact that I can almost forgive the fact that she gives dd fruit shoots.

LittleWhiteWolf Tue 25-May-10 14:03:43

Mine is exasperating--very often DH and I feel like we are the parents and she a teen and she perpetuates this cycle. She makes tons of mistakes with her kids (ages range from 24 to 2) and has no self esteem so puts up with a wanker of a boyfriend purely so she doesnt have to be alone. She couldnt stand being in the same room as me when I BF'd because she has very odd ideas about womens bodies...

BUT she is a lovely person who does try her best and she's brilliant with DD. I doubt I'll listen to her parenting advice when DD gets older, but while shes a baby MIL is fab. Babies are definatly her thing. She cares so much about my mum who has serious health issues and always asks after her even though they've only met a few times. She was so proud of us both at our wedding and clearly adores her only grandaughter. And my favourite thing since having DD is that she NEVER sticks her nose into our parenting style like my mum does. She accepts that we know best for our daughter.

MIL isnt perfect, but then who is? She's a damn sight better than some MILs I've heard about and for that I'm thankful! grin

KSal Tue 25-May-10 14:33:38

my MIL is great, she lives round the corner but is really sensitive to not intruding. She's great with DD and respects the way we want to do things and has never questioned anything about our parenting.

I really couldn't ask for any better

DilysPrice Tue 25-May-10 14:38:00

I love my MIL so much. We have very little in common superficially, so it took me a long time to really appreciate what a lovely person she is.
I'm so shallow that I think that the finest of her many fine qualities is that she's a naturally early riser, so when she visits she's always happy to look after the kids while we have a lie in - an actual Lie In! on a Saturday morning! like real adult human beings!

sleepychunky Tue 25-May-10 14:39:12

I adore my MIL. She and FIL live really close to us (as do my parents, but in-laws are literally down the road) and we go round there most days as DS1 adores her. When I went back to work after mat leave with DS1 she picked him up from the childminder for me every day and kept him at hers until I got home. When DH is at work at weekends (he does shift work) or on a night shift, she often offers to take DS1 to go and do shopping with her and then gives him his tea and brings him back after DS2 has gone to bed so I only have to deal with one child instead of 2.
She is an absolutely selfless person, she and I share the same sense of humour and she often takes my side when DH isn't pulling his weight at home. Her house is always welcoming and it doesn't matter if the kids make a mess there (unlike my mum, who has OCD and follows them around with a teatowel, cloth and hoover).
Plus she has the patience of a saint to have been married to my FIL for 40 years. He is lovely too but there is a lot about him I could fill a thread on AIBU with...
My wish now I have 2 DSs is that I will be just as good a MIL as my MIL is to me.
Gosh it sounds like I'm actually in love with her reading this back smile

longwayfromhome Tue 25-May-10 14:45:19

Yeah. My mother in law is a good person. I find her hard because she's not my mum, but that doesn't mean she isn't great.

One of her more endearing qualities is that she regularly gives us a several butter nut squash and 24 fresh eggs

Shodan Tue 25-May-10 14:50:53

I love both my PILs.

They babysit every Friday morning just so I can do 'stuff' and they will babysit at a moment's notice (even at 6 a.m, like last Saturday, when DH had a golf competition and I was manic with lack of sleep).

If I so much as mention something I'd like for ds2, or even myself, MIL will turn shops upside down to find it.

They also have taken ds1 on as their own, never buying something for ds2 without making sure they have something for ds1 as well.

PIL gives me gardening advice, cuttings, plant pots, and will happily trundle away in the garden 'just tidying things up a bit for you'.

DH and I had a row in front of them recently and MIL told DH off. SHe also tells him regularly how much work I've put into something (something he hasn't realised has taken months of work).

We're even going away with them next week.

Although maybe I won't love them so much after that!! grin

neolara Tue 25-May-10 14:58:39

My MIL is great too. She doesn't interfere, thinks my kids are absolutely fantastic, is supportive in every choice we (as a family) and I (as an individual) make, even if I'm sure some if it would not be her choice. And of course, she also produced my DH. (Who is particularly lovely.)

whispywhisp Tue 25-May-10 15:00:42

So nice to see how wonderful all your PIL's are! Mine cut us out of their lives just over 5yrs ago..... (they never approved of me marrying their son!) its lovely to see how special/helpful etc all yours are to you all! Anyone fancy sharing them with me?

RooBear Tue 25-May-10 15:03:00

YANBU i love my PIL (and my parents!) Live next door to them

JaneS Tue 25-May-10 15:11:50

YANBU, nice to read.

My DP's mother I don't know well yet, but she seems lovely.

Doodleydoo Tue 25-May-10 15:19:57

I thought had a rocky relationship with my MIL, she can be a bit precious about some things and abit irritating about others BUT that being said I have learnt to appreciate her and the fact that what she says sometimes comes out wrong but is by no means having a dig which I was always paranoid about! She loves my dd, my dd loves her and I have let go of our previous problems and have started again. It is very pleasing and had a lot to do with me "getting over it" rather than her as she suprisingly doesn't hold grudges in the same manner as I do!


LilRedWG Tue 25-May-10 15:24:05

I love these threads.

I moan about MIL but she and FIL were the first people I thought to turn to when I called to my Dad's deathbed in the middle of the night and DH was away on business. They got in a taxi (they'd had a bottle of wine) met me at Dad's house and collected DD, took her home and MIL took the next day off work to look after DD.

Two weeks later when Mum was dying they were again there for us, with no questions of complaints.

Wonderful people and it's a shame that it takes threads like this to remind me of that.

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