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(295 Posts)
Claire236 Sat 24-Apr-10 17:03:20

I've never started a thread in AIBU before as it can be quite scary so please be nice. My dh was circumcised as an adult for medical reasons & ds1 had to have an operation so has in effect been circumcised. ds2 (almost 5 months) is as nature intended but I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to have him circumcised. Firstly as that way he will grow up looking the same as his brother & dad which I think could make a difference to how he feels when he gets a bit older. Secondly because it seems more hygenic. I'm unsure due to the fact that ds1s op for horribly painful & I wouldn't want to put ds2 through that for no good reason. I haven't spoken to my GP about this so don't know when is normal to have it done or anything but I'd really like to know if people think I'm BU considering this.

aviatrix Sat 24-Apr-10 17:04:39

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Claire236 Sat 24-Apr-10 17:05:18

Do you mind if I ask why?

Thediaryofanobody Sat 24-Apr-10 17:05:57

No don't do it for him he can make the decision when he's older. I would be very surprised if a DR agreed to do this in a healthy child for your reasons.

NarkyKnickers Sat 24-Apr-10 17:07:24

This was a really bad place to post this, you are being unreasonable and you are going to get totally blasted!!!!

justaboutkeepingawake Sat 24-Apr-10 17:14:03

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CarmenSanDiego Sat 24-Apr-10 17:20:11

Please leave him as he is. Why does it matter if he looks the same as his dad and brother? What if they had different coloured eyes?

The 'hygienic' thing is a myth - if anything, an uncircumcised penis produces more antibodies against bacteria than a circumcised one.

Please please don't put your baby through pain and the risks of surgery, infection, complication etc. unless it is medically necessary.

Jacaqueen Sat 24-Apr-10 17:21:46

If your husband and son had lost a limb would you want your son to have an amputation?

NO of course you wouldn't.

Putting him through a uneccesary medical procedure just so he can look the same as his father and brother is barbaric imo.

aviatrix Sat 24-Apr-10 17:22:23

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runnybottom Sat 24-Apr-10 17:22:31

You would mutilate your child so he looks like the other males in your family? Hardly a good reason is it?

jellybeans Sat 24-Apr-10 17:23:03

YABVU I strongly disagree with any form of optional circumcision or uneccesary surgery on babies. Unless for health reasons, it is simply very very wrong.

'grow up looking the same as his brother & dad'

I am sure there are many physical differences (hair colour etc) and I find this a silly argument.

EggyAllenPoe Sat 24-Apr-10 17:26:00

i think this was discussed relatively recently....

WebDude Sat 24-Apr-10 17:31:09

I know it appear common in N America and among religious groups and tribal nations, but it's part of us, as males, and unless there's a really strong reason, I'd think it unneccessary.

Certainly not for the "cosmetic" reason of a similarity with his brother and father, and if there was a strong enough hygiene reason, then we'd all be circumcised in the UK too.

Just as with religion, where one is often forced to believe what your parents believe, I consider forcing young boys (or those reaching their teenage years, as may happen in various tribal situations) to be circumcised is abuse as they seem rarely to have any chance to argue against it happening. Of course, in those groups where it is common, they would be "out of place" and have peer (or more likely parental) pressure.

Yes, cleanliness is important, but that's a pretty simple discussion for later.

Macforme Sat 24-Apr-10 17:34:26

The GP will NOT refer your DS for circumcision unless there is a medical need to do so. However you can play privately if you wish..there are clinics around the UK which will do so.

However there are risks... there are cases where things go wrong and to be honest that's hell of a gamble jut so he can look like his brother and Dad!

I have one circumcised son (medical done aged 5) and one uncircumcised son. Have to say that once they are past being very little they won't be comparing willies for long..mine are now 17 and 13 and we haven't seen any naked dangly bits for years!!
Also.. what if one needs glasses... or a hearing aid... or one grows up with curly hair... I doubt you'd be making the other child have the same accessories or hairstyle?!

When he is a MUCH older child, teach him to wash it well.. that's all he needs to do. Males are born with them for a reason..... protection...

BertieBotts Sat 24-Apr-10 17:37:55

YABVU. Why put your child through the pain and risk of surgery and recovery, for a cosmetic issue? hmm

EveWasFramed Sat 24-Apr-10 17:39:11

I'm with everyone else...don't do it. If there were an actual medical reason, then fair enough, but if your ds is fine, then leave it alone. If I had breast cancer, I wouldn't lop off DDs breasts, just to be 'safe'...

LittleMissHissyFit Sat 24-Apr-10 18:04:34

Claire236, as your DS doesn't have the medical issues DH and DS1 had, and there are no cultural pressures, then I agree with everyone here that there is no need for your DS2 to have a circumcision.

I'm sure if he's old enough when you explain to him what it would have entailed for him to look the same as Daddy and Big Brother, I'll be willing to bet he'll pass up on the 'chance' to go get it done, just to look like the other males in his family. grin

Circumcised males, if the press are to be believed, less likely to contract AIDS. Guardian article here

According to DH (circumcised, religious purposes) it enhances sexual performance too, helping them to last longer, as well as being easier to keep clean.

I was very wary of having DS done, but as DH was strong in his religious beliefs, we spoke to many of his friends, that were also parents of boys and they all said to do it sooner rather than later. It's felt he can't be raised a muslim if he doesn't have it done.

DS only cried when the anaesthetic was administered, otherwise, he slept as normal, wee-ed as normal and seemed utterly untroubled by it. Whereas we agonised about it, and were worried about what effects it would have on him, he seemed to suffer no ill effects at all.

If I were to have another DS, would we do it again?... hmm, not so sure I would automatically do it. DH is far less religious than he was, so perhaps not. As I've lost the last 3 attempts at DC2, I'm not likely to ever have to take that decision.

With your family circumstances Claire236, I personally wouldn't do it.

SeaTrek Sat 24-Apr-10 18:10:07


Are you planning on dyeing his hair and giving him plastic surgery to 'look the same' as his dad and brother, too?

Circumcision is PAINFUL and IMO should never be done without a good medical reason.

shushpenfold Sat 24-Apr-10 18:13:35

Oh good grief - plastic surgery on a baby - now I've heard it all.

AliGrylls Sat 24-Apr-10 18:20:42

DH and I looked into it - there is a time limit for when they will do it. I can't remember how far along it was but basically when he was 4 months we had passed that limit for this particular surgeon to do it.

Before the age of about 2 months I think they use some special gel and it is relatively painless for them. I think you should look into it properly and check on the things I have said. Personally, if it was just the case of a gel I would have done it but once you get to the stage of giving a baby anaesthetic I wouldn't.

stinkypinky Sat 24-Apr-10 18:20:56

Don't do it please. DH is circumcised, and I think it is very fab indeed, but this would need to be your sons decision, not yours, unless for good medical reasons.
If done for religious reasons, it is done at 5 days, as this is the optimum time for such a procedure. Even at your sons age, it would be horrid, and I doubt any surgeon would do it for you.
You cannot put 'em back either..

jellybeans Sat 24-Apr-10 18:22:52

'it enhances sexual performance too, helping them to last longer,'

Could that be because of the loss of extensive nerve endings, in otherwords, they can't feel so much?

I don't agree that it is right for religious reasons unless the person is old enough to consent for themselves. Many practices from the 'olden days' have been abandoned. There is Bris Shalom, for example, and alternatives. There should not be any mutilation allowed just because 'my religion says'. Just because something has happened for generations doesn't make it OK now. It should be banned unless for medical reasons.

jellybeans Sat 24-Apr-10 18:23:47

I find it disturbing when women 'love the look of it' (circ'd penis) etc.

EveWasFramed Sat 24-Apr-10 19:01:11

I have never been able to wrap my brain around that whole AIDS in Africa being linked to circumcision. I think the statistic is that 67% of men in the US are circumcised, and the US has the highest AIDS rates in the developed world. So,maybe in Africa, NOT having very good medical care, probably decreased access to medical, contraception and sexual health education may have more to do with HIV/AIDS rates than circumcision? Anyone else have any info about that???

Claire236 Sat 24-Apr-10 19:02:13

Thanks all (well most) of you. Oddly enough it had crossed my mind & then I'd dismissed the idea until a friend said if she'd had sons she'd have had them circumcised which made me wonder if maybe I was being a bit precious thinking it was a big deal. Obviously not from the reactions here.

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