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to think Dads dont babysit?

(73 Posts)
maduggar Sun 07-Mar-10 15:54:33

I am planning my Hen night, and was shocked when a couple of my friends said they woudl let me know if they could make it after they had asked their partners if they would "babysit".

Am I wrong in thinking that a childs father, who lives with the child, should not be asked to babysit? If I want to go out, I ask my DP if he minds me going out, I do not ask him to babysit. Same goes for him, he does not ask me to babysit so he can go out, he merely asks if I mind him going.

I am probably BU, but it just doesnt sit right with me.

SixtyFootDoll Sun 07-Mar-10 15:57:49

YANBU
It bugs me when I hear blokes in work talking about haveing to stay in to babysit their kids.

diddl Sun 07-Mar-10 15:59:22

We also check with each other that it´s OK to go out-ie I´m going out-don´t you book anythinggrin

If someone had to ask the child´s father to babysit I would assume they didn´t live together or that he was a controlling twät blush

snickersnack Sun 07-Mar-10 16:00:14

I agree. Don't think it's the right word to use.

BrahmsThirdRacket Sun 07-Mar-10 16:00:44

YANBU. It is their child. You can't 'babysit' your own child. But I think sometimes it is the mother's fault, because they have completely taken over everything to do with the baby and guarded it to themselves. Maybe it's to make themselves feel 'needed' or something. Then they complain when their husband doesn't know how to look after the baby. It's because they never let him... <ducks>

mayorquimby Sun 07-Mar-10 16:03:51

FFS it's a saying

duchesse Sun 07-Mar-10 16:06:03

Whose children are they babysitting then?

lolapoppins Sun 07-Mar-10 16:08:30

I hate that term, drives me up the wall.

displayuntilbestbefore Sun 07-Mar-10 16:09:42

Surely they just mean that they need to check that their partners are around and don't have any plans of their own that night?

I don't automatically accept an invitation for a night out until I have checked that DH is going to be home in time and hasn't got something on that evening himself that has already been arranged - and he does the same for me.
I think it's just a casual phrase that's been used with no hidden meaning, so YABU to think there's more to it than that IMO.

Mumcentreplus Sun 07-Mar-10 16:10:02

LOL..its a rubbish saying...you only babysit a child that not yours!

Mumcentreplus Sun 07-Mar-10 16:12:05

I have never heard of a mother being referred to as babysitting her own children only dads...tis stupid

AliBaba40 Sun 07-Mar-10 16:21:26

YAB(mildy)U. I can see that it may not be the best way to phrase it but to me it's just an expression. I find it a convenient shorthand for 'I'll just check that my DH hasn't been invited out too/won't be late home from work/hasn't invited friends over. Also that I haven't dopily put something in the calendar myself that I've forgotten about' (obviously almost all of these would be overruled in the event of a friend's hen do but the conversation still needs to happen).

I don't feel comfortable just saying 'I need to check with DH' as that sounds as if I need his permission to go out!

HesterPrynne Sun 07-Mar-10 16:22:28

I have an acquaintance, who has recently split from his wife, who calls having his children for a few hours on his arranged day, childminding. shock

ShinyAndNew Sun 07-Mar-10 16:24:03

I too hate that phrase. Everytime I am out alone I get asked (by his friends) "Is he babysitting then? That's good of him."

My answer is usually "No, he is at home caring for his children. Why is that good of him? They are his children afterall"

Needless to say he doesn't get asked the same question. Nor is it 'good of me' to care for my own children on a Saturday evening angry

TheApprentice Sun 07-Mar-10 16:24:40

Well Mumcentreplus I am a Mum and my dh will ask me if i mind "babysitting" if he wants to go out. Its just a phrase, although I suppose if he used it just to refer to himself looking after the children it might annoy me. As it is I'm not bothered.

lockets Sun 07-Mar-10 16:28:08

Message withdrawn

sayanything Sun 07-Mar-10 16:29:25

YANBU. I have a colleague who turned down an invitation to speak at a very prestigious conference because her husband wouldn't look after their daughter for 24 hours (during most of which, the DD would be at the nursery/with a childminder). The same husband who travels away for work for weeks at a time hmm.

Mumcentreplus Sun 07-Mar-10 16:30:32

I have never been asked to babysit by my DH..if he wants to go out he says 'is it cool for me to go out on x do you have any plans?'..I suppose its about the expressions you use..but in my experience mostly fathers are mentioned as babysitting and I find it a weird concept..

displayuntilbestbefore Sun 07-Mar-10 16:36:26

Have the women who have spoken to OP actually used the term "babysitting" with their partners, though, or just told OP that they'll ask their partner to babysit?
They probably only used the phrase when speaking to OP to explain why they couldn't give her an answer right away, to explain that they have to check their partner is around to be at home with the children if they are going to be going out.
Everyone knows what they mean, I think it's silly to read something into it TBH.

lockets Sun 07-Mar-10 16:38:30

Message withdrawn

thesecondcoming Sun 07-Mar-10 17:37:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flowerybeanbag Sun 07-Mar-10 17:47:41

Not a good term I agree. However because I work from home, if DH wants to go out or will need to come home late from work, he just lets me know, or if it's not strictly necessary, asks if I mind.

If I want to go out, it's a major operation getting him to work out what day he might be able to leave work at a ridiculously early time so he can get home in time to take over so I can go out.

I wouldn't call that babysitting, but I can see why some might. At weekends when we're both home, that's different.

hatwoman Sun 07-Mar-10 17:48:48

yanbu. It's a phrase that's always bugged me. a baby-sitter is a temporary stand-in for the child's main carers. hence refering to fathers looking after their own kids as baby-sitting is wrong - on many counts.

Mumcentreplus Sun 07-Mar-10 17:49:48

mine feeds them some strange concoctions <<shudders>> and allows them to dress themselves <<double shudder>> which can be quite interesting hmmgrin..I leave him to it...wink

mumeeee Sun 07-Mar-10 18:01:16

YABU It's iust a saying. When our children were little we would ask each other if it was ok for the other one to babysit if we were going out. It doesn't mean that thier partners are controling it's just making sure the other one hasn't got anything planned and they will be at home. Y

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