Talk

Advanced search

To want to buy my first child his main christmas present

(21 Posts)
uggbug Wed 11-Nov-09 14:32:26

The MIL is crazy about buying things for our first baby, to the point where our house is literally full to brimming with stuff we don't want or need. DS first christmas coming up and I've been looking forward to choosing something special for him. We have tried to limit the MIL to 3 presents but she won't listen. She just laughs. So I went round there yesterday and said excitedly 'oh, we're going to by DS a little rocking horse for his first Christmas'. Next thing I know, she's got the catalogue out -'we're going to buy him this ride-on trike thing'. I said 'no, we're going to buy him the rocking horse, I did say'. And she just laughed. I am being totally petty, but after 7 months of her buying literally everything (beakers, coats, you name it, I am apparently not capable of thinking to buy it, as his ACTUAL MOTHER), I am starting to get annoyed. She has bought him a stocking with 'Tom's first Christmas stocking' on it. Perhaps I would have liked to buy that? I know she is the grandparent, but my question is - do they have 100% ownership of Christmas?

bigchris Wed 11-Nov-09 14:34:27

get her to keep all the stuff she buys at her house

put the stocking she's bought out the way and buy your own, she won't even know unless she stays with you for xmas

my mil wanted to buy my first his first bike, I told dh to tell her that I would be buying it

doggiesayswoof Wed 11-Nov-09 14:35:02

I would be irritated by this but....

Ignore. Buy what you want and let her do her thing. Life's too short, seriously.

Sounds like she is enjoying herself and your DS is getting some nice stuff into the bargain.

CMOTdibbler Wed 11-Nov-09 14:35:32

I think you are overreacting a bit. She's excited, she enjoys buying stuff for your DS. Doesn't mean your DS thinks any less of you as his mum.

If she buys too much stuff, then just Freecycle/give to charity what you don't want anymore. Simple.

Be grateful for someone who is so enthusiastic to be in your sons life

doggiesayswoof Wed 11-Nov-09 14:37:24

Also don't feel bad about getting rid of stuff when you have too much - freecycle or ebay. Don't feel guilty about it.

Good idea bigchris about getting her to keep it all at hers.

doggiesayswoof Wed 11-Nov-09 14:38:02

Snap CMOT.

mazzystartled Wed 11-Nov-09 14:38:09

She clearly is being wildly over the top but try to see it as the generous, loving thing that it (probably) is. Unless she is usually a controlling ego-maniac, that is.

TBH it will be great to have a ride on trike thing at some point in the middle of your DC's 1st year. He will probably be oblivious to it all and mostly want to play with the tinsel and the paper.

Put some money away for him instead or give him a helium balloon in a box - at less than 1 it will trump all other presents, guaranteed.

If the buying thing is generally an issue you need to tackle it - or rather your OH does. Or try directing her spending power towards things more to your taste and needs. But don't have a row about the Christmas presents.

doggiesayswoof Wed 11-Nov-09 14:39:33

Agree a ride-on is a fantastic present to put away for when he's a little older.

oh good lord, use the money you are saving by her paying for everything to buy champagne, or a cleaner, or whatever floats your boat. I promise you your DC will not need therapy when he is older just because you didn't buy him his main christmas present (or any christmas present in our case as he had so much from everyone else).

slushy06 Wed 11-Nov-09 14:41:45

I understand I had my dd 3 months ago and MIL has only one dgd I was going to attend a wedding and MIL wanted to buy dd first dress but she didn't want to buy anything for my ds or her other gc so I said no thanks I have already picked one.

I second others let her carry on and I would sell anything that you don't want/need on ebay you have told her if she continues to throw her money away just sell it and buy something else for ds or put it into a saving account for when he goes to uni or gets married or whatever he will appreciate that more.

ASeahorseIs4LifeNotJust4Xma Wed 11-Nov-09 15:16:42

NO, YANBU. I'll assume that she is trying to be nice (as opposed to deliberately doing it because she's a controlling witch) but even so it's just not reasonable for a grandparent to take ALL of the fun bits of being a parent. Sure, a grandparent should get to have fun with the grandkids, but that shouldn't be to the exclusion of the parents' fun. It sounds like your MIL is generally involved and that you normally let her buy your DS treats. This is a special thing that you want to do for your DS and it means a lot to you. That's fair enough. I'd stand your ground - your MIL can, after all, still buy your DS something nice, it will just have to be a different something nice.

radstar Wed 11-Nov-09 16:08:39

I sympathise but with me its my own mum. i know she is just excited and he is her first grandchild but she doesnt seem to have any delicacy about us wanting to get something special for him. as it is he has so much stuff for a 7 month old, its embarrassing and yet i havent bought hardly any of it. I had to laugh cry last week though when she started a "you never had all this stuff/kids of today" type thing. I told her I hadnt bought it all, where do you think it came from?

I put my foot down about one thing I insisted on getting him myself even though she said "I wanted to get him that" in a childish voice and just smile sweetly and say thankyou for everything else.

I dont think there is much you can do about it other than what other people have suggested (give away, sell etc) or try to steer her towards your own taste. it certainly isnt worth making a big deal of it and risking offense and looking ungrateful.

uggbug Wed 11-Nov-09 16:49:57

Thanks all for the advice I realise that I am being ungrateful and a bit childish when I look at it like that. I think I am annoyed about this seemingly minor thing because of the general way she has been behaving since DS was born - he is the image of my DH and a very happy baby in a good routine (thanks to me and me alone)- I am however constantly told that this is down to her family's genes, that my DH was the same, and that I should do everything the way she did it with DH in order to continue having the perfect baby! I get zero credit for DS and am treated as a minor irritant - a bit like the annoying nanny bleating in the background 'he shouldn't really have that...' - I feel invisible and I guess that is why I am stropping about her taking over Christmas as well as everyhting else...!

madhairgirl Wed 11-Nov-09 16:58:04

It sounds so familiar. Last year for Christmas MIL said she had got a Thomas Tank train set for DS, was that alright. I said that we already had a wooden one in for him, she said it didn't matter, so we had to go and get a new present for DS as she wouldn't take hers back to the shop, we couldn't take ours back as we had got it ages ago in the sales, and we didn't want him to get 2 train sets for Christmas. He now has both, and the plastic thomas one is just no where near as good, and we are really short of space to fit all these things in. She did the same thing with DD and toy pushchairs. biscuit

verytellytubby Wed 11-Nov-09 17:49:49

Lucky you. Wish my parents and IL's would spend some dosh on my kids.

TrillianAstra Wed 11-Nov-09 17:52:25

1st Christmas = baby won't notice anyway.

uggbug Wed 11-Nov-09 20:44:21

Thanks Madhairgirl. Am appearing ungrateful re cash spent, and yes Trillian he won't notice - but I will! Selfishly want some of the pleasure of buying first xmas pressies for myself.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Wed 11-Nov-09 21:01:27

I'm with verytellytubby - lucky you!!!

My MIL is the complete opposite, isn't interested in her grandsons, and barely buys them anything!! Last year was DS2's first Christmas & she bought him a little jacket in the sale at Next for £12 & said "I didn't get him as much as the others because he doesn't know" shock And she never thinks to consult us to see if there's anything the kids need or want for Christmas or their birthdays.

We have 2 DS's, SIL has 1 DS & 1 DD, and BIL has 2 DS's. MIL is only interested in her granddaughter!!!

I can understand that you like the idea of getting your baby his main present, but tbh, at under a year old, he won't know anyway, so let her do it. I'm sure the novelty will wear off as he gets older & she won't be so eager to buy as much, so you can do it then when he will really appreciate it.

TeaOneSugar Wed 11-Nov-09 21:24:17

I completely understand my MIl does this and it is very annoying.

My MIL turned up with weaning spoons before I'd started weaning, it may be petty to some people but I was looking forward to a trip into town to buy weaning spoons, bowls etc for my first (and only) baby - I put her spoons in the back of the cupboard and eventually gave them away.

She also turned up with pants before I'd started potty training, that was again my job to buy my daughters first pants, not hers, she had her own dc's to buy these things for.

I now struggle to get her to be sensible at birthdays and christmas, I keep telling her there is no need to spend a fortune, and we haven't got room for it all anyway but it's a constant battle.

pranma Wed 11-Nov-09 21:31:05

I am a grandma and I see both points of view.I do actually think YANBU at all but we grandmas are so over excited at having a lo in the family again it goes to our heads!Ok this worked for me-tell your m-i-l that on Christmas day your baby will have a stocking to which she may contribute 3 items.He will have his main present from you in the morning with his stocking.Other presents,including hers, will be given later in the day.If she[or anyone but you]buys more than one they will be given gradually over the 12 days of Christmas.

Skillbo Wed 11-Nov-09 22:33:10

YANBU - I have the same problem here and although I agree with a lot of the posters here in that I know I should be thanking my lucky stars. However, I feel I don't have a say in anything that we have - we were only aware that MIL was buying us a high chair when she called to confirm our postcode for delivery. I never dress DD how I would want as we have drawerfuls of clothes which she will never get round the wearing and buying stuff we want to dress her in would be a waste of money!

It may seem petty but just wanted the OP to know that whilst there are far worse things to get worked up about, I understand - particularly with 1st Crimbo on the way. There is a sackful of pressys at nannys already and I'm not sure whats left for us to get.

Ah well, as ChunkyMonkey says - the novelty will soon wear off and maybe, just maybe, her other son might have a baby soon to take the focus off a little.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now