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AIBU?

to think that there is a sort of pastel coloured bubble that you inhabit whilst you have babies and toddlers and that, contrary to the way it feels on MN, it isn't the normal way of things?

30 replies

OrmIrian · 10/11/2009 21:34

I am still a 'mum' even though my children are big and scary and beginning to develope odd bits and hair in strange places and 'attitude'. And there's a lot more mothering that happens after the age of 3 than there is before.

There is life after nappies and nursery! Thanks god. But you wouldn't think so sometimes.

So go on! Tell me I'm unreasonable .

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ImSoNotTelling · 10/11/2009 21:39

Surely the place is over-run with people with babies and toddlers as that's when most are stuck in/on mat leave etc.

I can't MN nearly so much when working

Is that what you mean?

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OrmIrian · 10/11/2009 21:40

Ooh no I work full-time and I MN too much a bit.

It sometimes feels like there is almost only one stage represented here.

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OrmIrian · 10/11/2009 21:43

And, I hardly dare say it, but it's the least interesting stage too! I have had some much more from my DC since they went to school and were a bit independent and able to take issue with the things I say and o and my attitudes. They teach me as much as I teach them.

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ImSoNotTelling · 10/11/2009 21:55

I really think it's the time thing. First year of a baby's life, on mat leave, MN is perfect.

Or maybe people are more worried when DC are younger and seek advice on everything, and by the time DC are older parents have realised they won't break

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Pennies · 10/11/2009 21:57

But it's the time when you're finding your feet the most and less sure of what to do.

I am emerging from the the chrysalis of baby / toddler years myself right now and feel the pull of MN a bit less than I did, but I suspect I'll be back here when the teen hit, hoping for Custy to tell me how it is.

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ImSoNotTelling · 10/11/2009 22:02

Orm are you lonely? Seeking like minded types? maybe there should be a special topic for older more experienced parents?

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ImSoNotTelling · 10/11/2009 22:03


loads of people on here have older children though, don't they? I can think of oodles of them!
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pointydogg · 10/11/2009 22:08

I think it's a lonelier existence, being the parent pof a very small child, because you can't have many good chats with them.

All of us with older kids are very well stimulated, thank you very much .

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FlamingoBingo · 10/11/2009 22:09

YANBU

I was totally and utterly wrapped up in the world of babies and toddlers - bought magazines, spent hours on forums etc. I thought life couldn't get better, although I did remind myself that not everyone found it fascinating!

Now I have real children - nearly 3 of them, with my 2yo about to turn 3 and becoming more articulate and grown-up by the day - I find my life is way more interesting and babyhood/toddlerhood is very dull. I know it wasn't dull when I was going through it the first couple of times, but now I am loving having real children who I can talk to and who I can find have been playing together for ages while I've been MNing doing something for myself.

I think that MN is unlike other parenting forums in that there are a lot of people with older children, though. I'm surprised you think otherwise. There are far more questions here about how to help older children than there are on the other forums I've been on.

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ImSoNotTelling · 10/11/2009 22:13

Totally disagree flamingo.

I have a 2yo and a 4mo. I am well aware of the fact that it is fuck boring.

I would if it weren't so true!

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SecretNinjaChipmunk · 10/11/2009 22:30

pmsl at flamingobingo - 'real children' were they just figments before they hit a certain age?
i only have a two year old but i can certainly see by the stuff he comes out with that it must get a whole lot more interesting as time goes on.....

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FlamingoBingo · 10/11/2009 22:43

I mean real children as opposed to babies/toddlers.

How can you disagree with my experience, ImSoNotTelling?

I'm not saying the days were not monotonous and dull, but I was very wrapped up in how they were developing blah blah blah - I don't even notice what DD4's learnt until one of the older ones points it out to me!

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Lizzylou · 10/11/2009 22:54

I find that the most interesting stages of childhood are the ones which my DC fall into at that time.

Used to be newborn PFB/toddlerPFB/2yr old+newborn/preschool PFB +toddler .......

Am loving YR1 + preschool stage, I loved it all and look back with rose coloured specs at all the baby stuff.

I just find my DS's fascinating, doesn't mean that that is all I can talk about but I am amazed watching them grow up, I don't expect everyone else to be though

So YANBU and YABU (cos mine are so goodamn interesting).

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FlamingoBingo · 10/11/2009 23:15

Yes, that's it, Lizzylou, but said so much more eloquently than I!

In fact, I was saying the very same to DD1 earlier on - she was saying 'I wish DD4 could stay this age forever, she's so cute' and I reminded her she said that when DD4 was a newborn and told her that DH and I used to say the same about her, but that each stage is just as fun/interesting as the one before, if not more so.

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Lizzylou · 10/11/2009 23:24

Flam and I thought that I had made no sense whatsoever!

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ImSoNotTelling · 11/11/2009 08:22

Bloody hell it was a JOKE.

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LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 11/11/2009 08:28

Babies are boring. They don't do anything.

Anyway back to OP, I am not sure a lot more mothering takes place after the age of 3 I think it's a different type of mothering and maybe the fact you don't get as much older children talk as you do young children talk on this boards is people tend to settle down and become more confident in their parenting skills. Saying that there is a teenagers topic!

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ImSoNotTelling · 11/11/2009 08:32

Friday nights are going to be fun.

I like bumsex.

I don't it's horrible.

How DARE you disagree with my EXPERIENCE you BITCH.

End of thread.

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sarah293 · 11/11/2009 08:37

This reply has been deleted

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Colonelcupcake · 11/11/2009 08:38

I found newborns incredibly boring and relentless, babies cute but didn't do much so it was amazing when they did something (Oh my god! ds just blinked!) it would be cause for celebration.

I am at the toddler stage and it is hard work but incredibly funny when ds1 2.10 who is quite eloquent comes out with 'It is indeed beautiful mummy I wove clouds' when I remark that the clouds are pretty, I was thinking WTF but the role play does grate after a little while as mummy doesn't want to be a digger/forklift/truck/rocket/ship all day it makes her legs hurt.

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madamearcati · 11/11/2009 09:41

My eldest is 14 now and I love now that I can have a proper conversation with him , as you would an adult.Bounce ideas off him etc
I think every stage is better than the last.

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posieparker · 11/11/2009 09:48

WE're the most unsure about our parenting at the baby and toddler age. By the time our dcs are older they don't fall into categories so much or rather topics.
Baby topics: Breast/bottle, sleep/no sleep, rolls over/doean't etc. And so many milestones to worry about
Toddler topics: Victim/Aggressor, Speaks/mute, shy/strips off etc

By the time our dcs get to school they're more complicated and we are more sure of how to steer them through their/our problems!

I love each stage each of my dcs are at and find each of them very interesting. DC4 (aged 1) is no less interesting as DC1 (7).

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OrmIrian · 11/11/2009 09:48

Oh yes I think there are many more baby-centred sites than MN. But even here the interest does seem to be on the tiddlers.

libra - I'm not saying there is more parenting (as in harder) but there are many many more years of it! I feel like I've been at it for ever and my eldest is only 12.

I think what I was trying to express is the frustration that I feel when it seems that babies and toddlers are the only children the world in general likes. Lots of people coo and smile at LOs. Once they get big and stroppy they are a nuisance and anti-social and they need to be locked away at home where they don't make themselves annoying.

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TrillianAstra · 11/11/2009 09:54

Don't have children but think I know what you mean Flamingo - at some point they become actual people rather than babies.

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bran · 11/11/2009 10:02

I agree that people talk more on here about the younger ones, but I'm not sure what you want to do about that? Nobody is stopping those with older children from talking about that experience so I can only assume that they don't feel the need to.

I think it's normal for people to find smaller children cute. It's probably part of inbuilt social behaviour, when they are small they are vulnerable and need protecting so cuteness is necessary. Older children need to learn to find their way in society without the benefit of a cute smile.

Having said that, I did miss it when people stopped spontaneously commenting on DS's cuteness because he was still very cute to me.

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