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to want to scream at people that I did not give up work out of choice?

(13 Posts)
VengefulSinner Tue 10-Nov-09 14:06:05

More of a rant, but OK - history... (and if anyone on here knows me in RL they will so identify me from this but I need a release before I blow )

Last year when DS was 3yo he had a nasty spiral fracture of his femur and was in hospital on traction for 6 weeks and needed 6 weeks recovery at home learning to walk again.

This year (4yo) he had Meningococcal Disease with Septacaemia that according to the Consultant was only hours off becoming full blown Meningitis. He was in hospital isolation for 5 days on IV anti-B's plus 2 days home administered IV anti-B's.

Both periods of time meant me off work obviously (lone parent) and it was all unpaid.

I struggled but was in so much debt mainly from the 3 months I had off when he broke his leg that I could not actually afford my railcard, rent and the nursery fees.

So I had no choice but to leave after discussing all options carefully with boss, HR and family.

What gets me is that people seem to assume I chose to give up work and be on benefits and that I enjoy spending everyday searching for a job closer to home and that I loll about and do nothing while DS is at school (just turned 5yo).

I feel like I want to scream that had I the choice of course I would not have left and to stop judging me!

AIBU to feel like this?!

VengefulSinner Tue 10-Nov-09 14:06:34

I should have said - these people I refer to all know what DS has been through...

nattiecake Tue 10-Nov-09 14:10:29

YANBU

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 10-Nov-09 14:12:06

Just nod and smile sweetly and say that "of course you have nothing better to do all day than watch repeats of Diagnosis Murder and just think how many episodes of The Jeremy Kyle show you would have missed if you'd been working for a living" if they are too dull to pick up on the sarcasm and are stupid enough to make the sort of comments you mention comfort yourself with the knowledge that you are a better person than they are

PotPourri Tue 10-Nov-09 14:15:12

YANBU. Feel free to vent. FWIW, it sounds like you are doing a really good job. Hopefully a job locally will come up soon for you.

catsmother Tue 10-Nov-09 14:20:37

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I was a single mum for 9 years and it was bloody hard to keep working (FT, earning less than average wage). I just about managed to pay the bills but had NOTHING for a rainy day, which meant that as soon as something which lots of people would consider relatively minor went wrong - like the washing machine dying, or my childminder being ill - I'd immediately go into debt trying to pay my way out of the problem. As I'm sure you know only too well, there are umpteen occasions as a FT working single mum when you've used up all your holiday, all your unpaid leave and emergency leave (6-7 weeks total so not much when school holidays are 13 weeks) and your child is suddenly genuinely ill ..... then what the hell are you supposed to do (if you have absolutely no one else to help you) ? Let's just say over the years I took a number of sick days when I wasn't quite as ill as I said I was. I know that's a lousy thing to do but what other choice did I have ? There were countless times I clung on to work by the skin of my teeth, racking up more and more debt.

I can easily see how you've ended up in the situation you're in. I feel very sorry for you because you had no other choice and it's bloody ridiculous when you think about it that you are now no longer contributing through taxes, and taking benefits, ..... which is probably going to add up to a lot more than the debt you incurred. Yet the powers that be can't or won't see that if your debt was paid off, even if it was via some sort of crisis loan, both you and socirty as a whole would ultimately be better off because you'd continue to contribute taxes.

The people who've judged you ..... have they done this to your face ? And did they offer any help when DS was so ill I wonder ?

I hope you find a new job soon.

VengefulSinner Tue 10-Nov-09 14:20:38

Thank you guys, I am starting to feel the red mist lower already from reading your posts.

It just gets me that people, particularly those that have known me for an age, seem to think that I prefer this life where I am constantly worrying about money to pay the bills and having food, as opposed to the life we had where I could get DS whatever he needed/wanted and treat him to a nice holiday!

I mean I have only just got a bed after spending 6 months sleeping on the sofa where I couldn't afford it. And I only got it as it was an early xmas gift from my father!

Sorry, I know this is all rather self indulgent blush

MitchyInge Tue 10-Nov-09 14:23:04

yanbu in the SLIGHTEST

people have no idea angry

VengefulSinner Tue 10-Nov-09 14:23:12

Catsmother - yes, they do it to my face, but in a snide way iykwim.

ANd no. No help from anyone on either occasion otehr than my parents, who are in fact the only two plus my nan that have been supportive the whole way though.

FimbleHobbs Tue 10-Nov-09 14:31:23

YANBU at all. I hope you get a lucky break soon - and in the meantime don't let the snide idiots get you down.

emsyj Tue 10-Nov-09 14:39:25

How awful that your employers didn't help you out more! They could have done more I think - not out of a legal obligation, but a moral one. B**tards.

VengefulSinner Tue 10-Nov-09 14:43:52

emsyj - unfortunately they were a company with very few mothers and so didn't understand why I needed the time off and saw it that I was taking the piss and were quite relieved when I went to them with my situation

Only a new woman in HR tried to help me explore some options but no one else really cared and agreed the only solution was to leave.

Thanks Fimble, I hope so too!

And now off to get DS... but thanks for the posts all . It helps to know that I am not feeling low for no good reason.

LittleOneMum Tue 10-Nov-09 14:46:18

YANBU at all. I'm sorry to hear that things are so tough sad. Good luck finding a new job.

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