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to ask xp to take the dc's to their out of school activities ??

(13 Posts)
MrsMorgan Mon 09-Nov-09 13:36:07

Dd1 does cheerleading on a sunday, 4-5:30. The journey is roughly 15 min each way. I pay for the cheerleading and anything needed for it.

Dd2 does swimming on a Monday evening 6:30-7, 2 min car ride or 10 min walk away. I also pay for this.

Infact I pay for absolutly everything for the dc. Xp doesn't work and has no intention of doing so.

When dd1 started the cheerleading I told him it would be easier if he took her because otherwise Dd2 and Ds have to come along too and sit there bored stiff. He moaned about itl, said he couldn't see why he should have to but he has done it since.

Last Monday I was waiting in for a delivery and so asked him to take dd2 to her swimming lesson. He agreed.

Now I am having huge problems at the moment with dd1 and homework and ds and homework. Tonight I really need to sit down with dd1 and spend a good hour sorting out what she is supposed to be doing. I also need to do some of ds's homework with him.
I just rang him to say he will need to take dd2 and wasn't impressed.

He has them at his for 2 hours on a wednesday and overnight on a friday but never does any of their homework, reading or anything with them. They all just watch tv/films.

AIBU to think that if I am paying for all of the activities and getting no contribution to helping them with homework, or any other form of contribution that the very least he can do is ferry the dc about to their activities, leaving me more time to help our dc with things they need to do for school ??

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 09-Nov-09 13:44:24

No, you aren't being in the slightest bit U. I have a friend in England who has three children, she has the shitty mon - thursday bit and her ex has the great fun weekend bit.

MrsMorgan Mon 09-Nov-09 13:49:09

Yes that sounds like here tbh, although i'm not sure they have fun with him because he doesn't actually do anything with them.

In the 6 weeks hols he took them to the play area at the end of our road for half an hour and that was it.

Fabster Mon 09-Nov-09 13:51:54

YANBU but you can't be surprised that he is such a lousy father when he doesn't want to work to support them.

MrsMorgan Mon 09-Nov-09 14:07:48

Oh no, I am not surprised that he moans about it. He is a waste of space.

I just slightly feel like I am drowning in the responsibility of having to do every little thing at the moment and I just wish for once he'd step up to the mark.

I have sulking from dd1 to look forward to later, and crying from ds, whilst he gets to what the hell he likes 6 days out of 7.

Snorbs Mon 09-Nov-09 14:11:02

YANBU to expect some help with ferrying children to activities.

But I think you would be a little unreasonable to phone him up at lunchtime and tell him that he needs to take DD2 this evening.

If it were me with my ex, I'd ask rather than tell plus (unless it were an unavoidable emergency) I'd arrange it several days in advance. That goes doubly so if I was hoping it to be a regular thing.

MrsMorgan Mon 09-Nov-09 14:13:55

Fair enough, but I didn't know until this morning that dd1 was so behind with her homework and so couldn't have told him any earlier. I did try him at 9:30 but his phone kept going to voicemail.

Plus xp has all day every day to anything he likes, so I think that half an hour out of that is a piffling amount anyway.

MrsMorgan Mon 09-Nov-09 14:14:32

Does your ex work though Snorbs ??

ElenorRigby Mon 09-Nov-09 14:22:50

DP would love to take DSD to activities but can't as his ex wont let him, not that she takes her to any activities at all. DSD has learnt to do a lot of "relaxing" at her mums.
Mum has her most of the time, her choice but sends her to us having done no homework.
YANBU parents should be equitably involved in their children's lives post separation.

MrsMorgan Mon 09-Nov-09 14:45:16

That's a shame Elenor, can he not just take her anyway when she is with you both ??

Xp just isn't bothered, never has been tbh even when we were together.

Most of the time I am ok about it, I know what he is like and so don't expect any different, but I am struggling overall at the moment and his lack of interest, offers of help and things is just grating on me more than normal.

Snorbs Mon 09-Nov-09 14:58:01

My ex works part-time. Occasionally.

The thing is, I don't like it when my ex suddenly dumps something on me. Her favourite trick is to only give me a few hours notice that she won't be picking the kids up from school when she's supposed to angry But I can't take any kind of moral high ground if I then do the same to her. Hence I give her lots of notice.

ElenorRigby Mon 09-Nov-09 15:28:43

Fraid not MrsMorgan, we have DSD Friday through to Monday morn week one, Friday night week two, then Friday through monday etc.
There isnt many clubs to bring her to during those times. Believe you me we have tried. Most clubs run during the school week.
Sad to hear your ex is not interested. Those type of people are unbelievably selfish angry

colditz Mon 09-Nov-09 15:31:49


As he doesn't work he has fuck all else to do.

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