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to wonder if all men are completely selfish?

(15 Posts)
lorrycat Mon 09-Nov-09 11:02:34

I posted last week about DP being unreasonable and after a much heated discussion, he apologised for his behaviour and promised that he would be more supportive, helping etc etc.

He was going to a big birthday bash on friday night so suggested DS and I went to visit my sister and he would join us on Saturday to have the rest of weekend together (sis lives in rep of ireland, 2 hours away). So I thought 'great, sounds liek a lovely weekend' and off we went on thurs afternoon.

After 4 phone calls to DP on Saturday, he eventually told me at 3.30pm that he wouldn't be coming to join us, as he was too hungover. I was annoyed and hurt, but held my tongue.

However last night, after we came home, I was quite hostile with DP (childish, I know, and I've since apologised for that). He knows he gets very badly hungover if he doesn't eat a proper meal before a big feed of drink and he promised me that he would be sensible before going out. Instead he admitted he ate sparingly on Fri and was drinking shots at the party afterwards. It annoyed me that he left himself incapable of spending the remainder of the weekend with his family and as a result, didn't see DS from Wed bedtime to Sun 8.30pm. And he didn't seem to have ANY remorse over this!!

So i wasn left looking after DS all weekend by myself whilst he went out partying and spending the rest of the weekend in bed dying of a hangover.

AIBU for thinking this is not on???

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 09-Nov-09 11:09:49

YANBU in being annoyed about this.

YANBU in thinking this thinking this is not on, if it is a regular occurrence. Sorry, haven't seen your old thread.

Not all men are completely selfish. Mine went through a brief phase of not really thinking about the consequences of a big night out, after we had DCs, but he soon cottoned on.

fernie3 Mon 09-Nov-09 11:12:43

YANBU to wonder if your DP is like this. Not all men are like this though, dont mean to rub it in but my husband would never do this and if he did I would certainly not be apologizing to him for being hostile? wrong person apologizing in my opinion!

Chickenshavenolips Mon 09-Nov-09 11:15:57

YANBU to wonder if all men are selfish, if you're basing it on your partner. However, this is about him, the individual, and not an indication of an entire gender. My DH doesn't drink.

verytellytubby Mon 09-Nov-09 11:16:45

I would know if my DH was going to a big party there's no way he would make it away. I don't mind as it doesn't happen very often and it's usually planned. Plus I get the worst ever hangovers and if it's me out I'm useless the next day.

I guess the problem is how often he's going out and leaving you to deal with the DC. Once in a while doesn't bother me.

Make sure you get your time off and plan something nice.

lorrycat Mon 09-Nov-09 11:29:01

vertellytubby...it really wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest if he had told me beforehand that he didn't think he would make it away. I would have said 'enjoy yourself' and went on my merry way. I'm certainly not one of those people who begrudges their partners time with their friends/family. In fact, I'm often trying to persuade him to go out more often.

Its more about the fact that he told me he would be joining us the next day, even though i said 'are u sure u would be able' and then proceeded to tell me again and again on sat morning/early afternoon that he was still coming.

It was only at 3.30pm when i said 'you're not coming are you?' that he eventually owned up and said 'no'. And then there was no apology for letting us down when we got home.

verytellytubby Mon 09-Nov-09 11:33:44

Selfish behaviour but is it a regular thing?

My DH finds it really hard to apologise if he's out of order when he's hungover. He becomes quite beligerant (sp). It's only the day after he's sorry.

I would find it very annoying to go away waiting for him to turn up. I've actually been there!

lorrycat Mon 09-Nov-09 11:45:00

Yes the selfish behaviour is a regular thing - not just this occurance.

If fact DP is infamous for letting people down, not showing up, not doing as he has promised etc etc.

I find i spend most of time time explaining to him what exactly he has done wrong before it clicks with him.

Its very exhausting - like i have a second child.

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 09-Nov-09 11:48:47

He didn't want to tell you the truth because he didn't want to deal with you being annoyed with him. He doesn't want to apologise because then he'd have to acknowledge you are justified in being upset.

He is being childish. As I say, my DH went through this phase (especially, not phoning, or lying about the fact he was just leaving the pub). Luckily he stopped it pretty quickly. Maybe a mini mid-life crisis ?

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 09-Nov-09 11:49:38

X -posted with you, OP.

lorrycat Mon 09-Nov-09 11:55:22

I don't really know what's going on in his head really. I doubt its a mini mid-life crisis as he's only 32. But he's a father of 2 and we have been together 8 years, its a long-standing battle going on.

I just don't think its worth the hassle anymore. I thought that after we broke up things would change, but that fairytale lasted for about 3 weeks

MorningTownRide Mon 09-Nov-09 11:57:14

YABU - not all men are like this.

So he goes out gets shifaced, and is so hungover he can't spend the weekend with you and then YOU apologise???

Morloth Mon 09-Nov-09 12:08:48

Hangovers get zero tolerance here. If you have one tough luck - you still have to do everything previously planned.

This goes for both of us.

gobsmackedetal Mon 09-Nov-09 12:26:14

YANBU to think your DP is being selfish

YABU to wonder if all men are completely selfish based on your experience. I'm lucky enough to have the most thoughtful, loving and caring dh.

Your dp's gender is not a good enough excuse for his behaviour. He has to understand he's being out of order.

lorrycat Mon 09-Nov-09 12:51:55

My apologies for wondering if all men are like this. I really do believe that there must be men out there who are self-less, caring and loving. In fact, I know there are, because my father is one.

unfortunately DP is not...

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