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to not be bothered with wanting a big white wedding

(22 Posts)
nattiecake Sun 08-Nov-09 15:21:44

yes i want to marry my other half, but dont see why i should make a big "do" of it

im quite happy just going to the registry office and signing off the paperwork

whenever i mention that we want a small wedding, everyone goes off into their own little worlds, telling me how you can do this and that for cheap, and not listening to the fact that i dont want it cheap, i just dont want it at all!!

aibu? hmm

LissyGlitter Sun 08-Nov-09 15:23:22

Not at all, do it how you want. You don't even need to tell anyone if you don't want to. Stuff what anyone else thinks!

mazzystartled Sun 08-Nov-09 15:24:36

yanbu, and for chrissakes don't do it if it's not what you want.

MrsChemist Sun 08-Nov-09 15:25:38

I had a massive white wedding (which is what I wanted at the time), but if I had the choice again, I would have a small, quiet affair. Not quite me, DH and 2 witnesses, but certainly nothing like what I had. Too much stress.
It's the marriage that matters, not the wedding.

InMyLittleHead Sun 08-Nov-09 15:26:38

Do what you want. Most big weddings are fucking tedious anyway.

nattiecake Sun 08-Nov-09 15:30:21

the problem is, i have a very close family who got very whingey when we first had the idea we were going to get married abroad with just our immed family

its not so much of a problem with OH's family, just mine

im the eldest grandchild, so i get to do everything first, and they want it done "properly"

i know im an adult and its my decision, but i want married life to start happily, not stressed out by them being mad at me

btw, we are ttc, so not matter how much complaining there is, a full white-wedding is out. i am not wasting £20k on one day that would be much better put towards my baby's life

LissyGlitter Sun 08-Nov-09 15:35:02

Could you tell them you are just doing the legal side to make things easier for the baby somehow (not sure how, but the older generation might fall for that) and that you will have a big do at a later date, then just never quite get round to it?

2rebecca Sun 08-Nov-09 15:59:18

We just had small reg office then dinner in restaurant wedding, was great.
We were both old enough to ignore our parents and organise it ourselves and just tell them what we were arranging.
I enjoyed my first wedding which was bigger, but still fairly cheap.
I think alot of people just live together because they can't be bothered with the hassle of a wedding and there's something to be said for just organising the sort of wedding you want and inviting people. If they make a fuss tell them you'll just get married without them and tell them afterwards if they are going to moan.

mazzystartled Sun 08-Nov-09 16:05:52


present it as a fait accompli

have a party to celebrate afterwards

dawntigga Sun 08-Nov-09 16:09:38

YANBU should we ever get married it'll be jeans and a t-shirt at the registry office with no fan fare etc.


asuwere Sun 08-Nov-09 16:10:16

if you want a small wedding, just arrange that. don't tell anyone, just arrange it and send the invites. People won't moan once it's arranged and if they do, they'll just have to moan to themselves! Much better you do what you want than follow what other people want.

My family expected a 'proper' wedding from me but I just arranged it 2 weeks before. It was 11.30am on a Tuesday at the registry office and a lunch after! Perfect for us and no-one complained (not to me anyway! )

Good luck!

crokky Sun 08-Nov-09 16:11:01

we had a reg office wedding and went to a restaurant in the high street afterwards. Mums dads and brothers, that's it.

My brother is getting married next month, he is having exactly the same - reg office with mums dads and siblings, plus my 2DCs (noone else has DCs yet). It will be excellent. It is in a 10 person room in a reg office and I am really looking forward to it.

Fine if people want the big white wedding, but if you don't want it, I'd go to the reg office and get it done now (have to give notice, can't remember how many weeks, somewhere between 1-3 weeks??). You could have a lovely December wedding like my brother.

purepurple Sun 08-Nov-09 16:12:08

I had a registry do 22 years ago.
I don't regret it for one moment. (wedding and marriage) grin

crokky Sun 08-Nov-09 16:12:57

also, another tip is to get married on a weekday, it's far less busy, I did it and my DB is too. you can make a booking in a restaurant and just get some rings and it's done! invites by phone, that's what i did!

sarah293 Sun 08-Nov-09 16:41:45

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Pixel Sun 08-Nov-09 16:55:24

We had registry office ceremony with only immediate family, followed by a bit of a party in the pub afterwards for friends. After a couple of hours (and some photos in the garden) we made our escape for a weekend away. It was a lovely stress-free day.

My sister obliged with the 'proper' wedding which kept all the rellies happy but I wouldn't have swapped places with her, when I think of the months of organisation and the amount of money they had to save up.

You get married how you want to. So many people forget that it's the marriage that is important, not the wedding.

Anifrangapani Sun 08-Nov-09 17:01:10

We had a really small wedding - 10 of us at it in total. Just Me, Him and our families.

It wasn't cheap - but it meant we could have decent food and wine at the reception. In the end it worked out at about £200 per person plus hire of the venue and buying of frocks/ suit. It was the best decision we have ever made. Everybody enjoyed themselves and my family got to know his family.

frakkinaround Sun 08-Nov-09 17:13:25

If you don't want it then don't do it.

I seesaw between loving my wedding, which is 100 people and a big white dress, a church and a meal afterwards and hating the idea of it (haven't done it yet!) and I wanted a big wedding. If you don't then I imagine you'll end up hating every single minute of the planning and resent all the 'hoops' you have to jump through on the day.

LifeOfKate Sun 08-Nov-09 17:35:14

We had the BEST wedding, with 9 people including us
Think parents were too relieved to have a moan about it wink.

becky7000 Sun 08-Nov-09 19:50:02

We got married in a registry office in March. Just us, our 3DCs and 2 witnesses. We then went to Pizza Express for our "reception". We had a lovely time as did the kids. We let our families know AFTER so we weren't pressured into changing our plans

It's your wedding and you should do it how you want to.

maxpower Sun 08-Nov-09 19:57:53

YA definitely NBU - it's your wedding day so you should have it the way you want!

LunaticFringe Sun 08-Nov-09 19:58:43

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