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to insist that DH tells FIL no more alcohol as he's driving

(33 Posts)
posieparker Sun 08-Nov-09 13:53:09

I loathe my ILs, this is well documented!, and FIL and I barely speak. However, he drinks and drives and I feel compelled to make shitty comments which leads to a horrid atmosphere.

All I want DH to do, when FIL requests another beer/glass of wine, is to say 'No Dad, you're driving'. If he gets moody I couldn't give a crap, tbh. I hate drink drivers.

He's on his second can of Stella which is 2.2 units.

PyrotechnicToadstool Sun 08-Nov-09 13:54:31

YANBU. Drink-drivers make me so angry

I'd hide the keys. Seriously.

posieparker Sun 08-Nov-09 13:55:17

Good gracious they live about 150 miles away, that would mean they'd stay!

bigduncspigeon Sun 08-Nov-09 13:56:50

if he left my house drunk i would be ringing the police with his car reg before he kills someone

PyrotechnicToadstool Sun 08-Nov-09 13:59:11

when are they leaving?

posieparker Sun 08-Nov-09 13:59:47

They'll be leaving in time to get home before it's dark.

sarah293 Sun 08-Nov-09 14:00:45

Message withdrawn

PyrotechnicToadstool Sun 08-Nov-09 14:02:27

Travel lodge then

4.4 units? that is surely way over the limit?

Curiousmama Sun 08-Nov-09 14:04:48

Agree I'd report him.

AnyFucker Sun 08-Nov-09 14:08:00

he is a dick

you do have to do something

how would you all feel if he injured or killed a child whilst driving over the limit ?

your dh needs to grow a pair, tbh

MaggieMonday Sun 08-Nov-09 14:11:20


I have fallen out with my OWN father over this issue. He won't do it now because he knows that me , and my brothers will come down on him like a ton of bricks.

posieparker Sun 08-Nov-09 14:13:32

MMM....apparently he's only had one, just checked all the way through the fridge as DH has had a sneaky one (he can't drive as I haven't insured him!). AS I type he's off to the fridge to get another....MIL just said don't have too many as you're driving. We'll see I have no doubt that he'll have more than his 'supposed' 1.5 cans which is 3.3 units.

I will post with my actions!!!!

PyrotechnicToadstool Sun 08-Nov-09 14:13:36

Aye - what AF said. You cannot let him drive - really, you just can't.

SofiaAmes Sun 08-Nov-09 14:15:06

Here in the USA you would be held liable if he was drinking at your house and you knowingly let him leave and drive drunk.

StayFrosty Sun 08-Nov-09 14:39:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meglet Sun 08-Nov-09 14:42:45

don't let him get away with it. Hide keys or phone the police if he tries to leave. And, yes, your DH should tell him to stop drinking, I'd give my parents a lecture if they were about to do something stupid.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 08-Nov-09 18:39:40

buy him so alchol free lager,pour into glass and see if he notices

seriously he is being a fucking twat angry if he drinks and drives - he will prob cause an accident - yet walk away unscathed, yet some poor innocne tperson/child will be killed/seriously hurt

tell your dh to grow some balls - or hide all boose in your bedrrom and say there is no more

i hope he didnt drink anymore and then drive home

PyrotechnicToadstool Sun 08-Nov-09 18:44:30

What happened then, posie?

diddl Sun 08-Nov-09 18:51:30

Why can´t you tell him no if your husband won´t?
In fact,if he can´t be trusted, why give him alcohol at all?

Vallhala Sun 08-Nov-09 18:57:51

"Here in the USA you would be held liable if he was drinking at your house and you knowingly let him leave and drive drunk."- SofiaAmes.

If we had the same law in this country we may well have several less deaths owing to drink-driving.

Posie - you CAN'T let this man walk out of your house knowing that within ten minutes he or some innocent could be dead. OK, you don't like him but I assume that you don't want your DH to suffer the consequences of his father's actions or have to arrange his father's funeral.

Heaven forbid, worse still it could be the mother of some innocent, back seat, sober passenger, driven by a sober driver, who has to bury her child because of your FILs selfish behaviour.

We know all about that in my family. My cousin was such an innocent passenger and my aunt had to make the decision to turn off the life support machine on her 17 year old firstborn son, who stood not one single chance of any form of recovery.

Then she had to bury her son. No mother should ever have to do that.

Can you guarantee that a mother won't have to do so if you let your FIL drink and drive tonight?

posieparker Sun 08-Nov-09 19:14:13

Right, so after the 1.5 cans, he ate lunch and an hour later he drove home. I was ready to come down hard if he'd requested another. I'm going to ask DH to tell his F that he's given up alcohol and our home is alcohol free from now on.

I feel really shit.

PfftTheMagicDragon Sun 08-Nov-09 19:17:58

I would tell him that alcohol will be available freely as it always is - as intended for those not driving. I would say that you cannot control what he does, only your own actions so make it clear to him that if he leaves after drinking, you will be reporting him. Let him make his own decisions. He won't take you seriously otherwise.

AnyFucker Sun 08-Nov-09 19:18:47

aww posie, don't feel too bad

but now you have to resolve never to condone this happening again

and you need a serious word with DH, he must back you up and grow some balls

next time they come, make sure you have no alcohol in the house

if asked why, tell why in no uncertain terms

and dh must show you are both resolute on this

wonderingwondering Sun 08-Nov-09 19:21:52

I think if someone is a regular drinker, 1.5 cans (even of Stella) then a large meal and an hour's gap is likely to mean they won't be over the limit.

I'm not defending that sort of behaviour - I certainly would not do it - but I think phoning the police, or threatening to would have been over the top. And at 1.5 cans, I wouldn't let them have any more, but I would take the view their capability to drive is their decision.

I know drinking at all is selfish, but I suspect that if your FIL is a pretty regular drinker, he was probably much less affected that a small, light-drinking woman would be after half a pint in the pub, which many of my friends do, without anyone raising an eyebrow.

IrritatedMe Sun 08-Nov-09 19:25:23

Both my FIL and my dad do this sad

They seem to think it is acceptable to divide the units they drink by the number of hours they have been at the house and divide it by some f*cked up square root of how much they have eaten

I HATE it. The worst part is, my MIL doesn't drink and yet he won't allow her to drive home.

It is a shitty hangover (pun not really intended) from the 70s.

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